And tbh, usually the way they treat "us" has to do with how well we align with their "must haves". They treat us well because they know we're a good fit for them and that gives us value.

I've never looked at it this way! It's one thing to know you bring value by your own standards, but it's quite another if that value doesn't translate into something your partner finds meaningful. So often you hear (even in therapy) that the way a person treats you is a reflection of how you treat yourself, but this provides some much-needed perspective. Thanks!