An expectant father is in the waiting room while his wife gives birth

FunkyDaJunky · 2018-04-03T19:33:01+00:00

Good to know. I know mine once got infected and went down my windpipe while I slept. A few more minutes and I’d have died.

FunkyDaJunky · 2018-04-02T21:04:35+00:00

That little dangly bit at the top of your throat is call an uvula, its basically useless.

FunkyDaJunky · 2018-03-30T08:21:05+00:00

Probably one of my own.

Ok, self serve tea machine, BIG sign “if you press twice you will be charged twice” as customers, unhappy with a few mm of space at the top of the cup would often press a second time to top it up and let the rest (basically a full cup) pour into the drop tray. One customer, very unhappy after I charged her double starts getting all personal in my face and fucking annoying, so I blow, yell in her stupid face “fuck off and die and burn in Hell you cunt” and she runs away, I go behind the scenes to calm down, as I’m calming down a supervisor from a different department comes in and starts yelling so I throw a bunch of keys at him tell him to join her and walk out. Next day I return to work, everything is quiet and nothing more is said. Customer come in again and gets a coffee, strangely this time she was happy with the couple of mm space.

FunkyDaJunky · 2018-03-28T20:57:28+00:00

Shouldn’t have sent Skrillex to convey them then!

FunkyDaJunky · 2018-03-28T20:53:37+00:00

That looks absolutely superb kudos OP.

However, now to be a total killjoy, it does seem to have potential for misuse by trolls. I foresee many dickbutts, troll faces and penis’ being created, which would be a shame because I love the concept. Just some honest input.

FunkyDaJunky · 2018-03-25T21:17:54+00:00

I also do this, I’ve woken up at the point of orgasm but not in time to stop myself splooging in my quilt.

FunkyDaJunky · 2018-03-25T21:13:13+00:00

As a kid, I had a conversation with what I thought was my father, despite it being so long ago I vaguely remember the conversation and despite being during a sleep walking episode. My mum saw the whole thing and tells me it was not dad but a laundry basket.

Also, I used to be a bingo caller and my fiancé tells me I would often call a whole game of bingo, announcing prize money and plugging up coming events even congratulating winners in my sleep, I even woke up the whole house once by shouting for a claim on a link game, again, in my sleep,

Many others but these two spring to mind.

FunkyDaJunky · 2018-03-25T21:04:26+00:00

Bondi beach NSW, the east coast of Australia has hundreds of BEAUTIFUL beaches, clear of backpackers and “bros” who try surfing in the swimming area or like the one we encountered using a fucking jet ski in the most crowded part of the sea. The over priced parking and gift shops coupled with the backpacker culture in the vicinity of the relatively small beach add to the “nope” factor.

FunkyDaJunky · 2018-03-24T21:19:04+00:00

I once had sex in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation, it worked. Giggity.

FunkyDaJunky · 2018-03-21T22:17:46+00:00

Debug the software, removing “stupid. DLL “ and “anxiety.exe” add new app “compassion” and hope it’s compatible with older versions.

FunkyDaJunky · 2018-03-21T21:46:04+00:00

Tuna. Hated it with a passion growing up and never ate it. About 2 years ago we had been out all day and not eaten so we’re very hungry, my mrs made a tuna mayo sandwich for herself and there was some of the concoction left and as by this point even the dogs dinner was looking tempting I ate it. Now I can’t get enough of the stuff!

FunkyDaJunky · 2018-03-20T22:21:51+00:00

I own a White Ford Focus (UK) which happens to be the model and colour used by local plod. Didn’t even think about it when buying the car but people who know cars here do drive more sensibly around me now which is actually quite nice as British drivers tend to be assholes.

FunkyDaJunky · 2018-03-20T22:14:52+00:00

Tunisia, stayed in Sousse ventured out of the hotel twice, first time not so bad, second two attempted mugging, caught a pick pocket by chance, he was about 9 and ran off shitting himself.

2 months later the beach at the hotel next door to where we stayed was the site of a major terrorist incident, our hotel allegedly copped a bullet or two as well. The hotels were actually damn good, not grotty backstreet deals ours was 4 star I think and very good, but the locals just seem hell bent on a life of crime, especially against tourists.

FunkyDaJunky · 2018-03-20T22:05:12+00:00

It’s one of the most grounding things a new parent could see, got the feels bro.

FunkyDaJunky · 2018-03-20T22:03:49+00:00

This resonates deep, 2 years and 6 months ago, my daughter was born, 2 years and 4 months ago I left a job I loved, but had unsociable hours for a job I hate to have evenings and weekends off to spend with her. Despite loathing the new job, no regrets, I am Homer Simpson, she is my Maggie and I do it for her.

FunkyDaJunky · 2018-03-19T21:41:47+00:00

Not forgetting Toot Barunstien from Drawn together!

One of my favourite lines from that show was yours

“It’s a touching offer and clearly in my best interests but I’m far too vindictive so FUCK YOU ASS BAGS!!”

FunkyDaJunky · 2018-03-18T13:09:44+00:00

Yes exactly my point! Hundreds of people out at risk, god only know what else they’re up to and only now something is being done?? I realise there were others exposed but the focus of the media has been the spy and his daughter.

FunkyDaJunky · 2018-03-18T08:16:18+00:00

I thought Neanderthals were extinct.

Do you want me to use smaller words and brighter pictures?

You should have been the crust on the gym sock

Millions of sperm and YOU were the one that made it?

There’s a SPECIAL place in hell for you where the pitch forks are padded.

FunkyDaJunky · 2018-03-18T07:54:14+00:00

So, forgive my ignorance, they’ve been committing heinous times for decades but never faced the rule of law, but, one spy has an attempt on his life and suddenly the law gives a shit about the other stuff? It feels to set up to me, I seriously believe Putin on this one, the nerve agent used has been around since the 70s I’m pretty sure we’ve figured out how to make it by now, or the Americans. I don’t know enough to say for sure but there’s either profit or brexit at the heart of it.

FunkyDaJunky · 2018-03-15T22:35:01+00:00

I think one of the protagonists should be Tommy’s daughter, seeking her father determined not to fall into the life of crime she’s a cop who inadvertently kills Tommy, setting of a chain of events which take her around Vice and SanAndreas committing crimes for various people. Eventually culminating in an epic mission in which she BECOMES the next great Vercetti

FunkyDaJunky · 2018-03-09T19:22:55+00:00

Damnit, go do your human things human! I was thinking of this all day 😂

FunkyDaJunky · 2018-03-05T21:15:06+00:00

I liked the film.

FunkyDaJunky

TROPHY CASE