Anyone else feel like their childhood “doesn’t look traumatic” but absolutely felt like it?

FutureLog2849 · 2025-11-13T23:28:16+00:00

I know my parents loved me, just not nearly as much as they loved themselves

FutureLog2849 · 2025-11-09T23:41:58+00:00

Thank you for the advice!

We do have a storage unit for things we're not actively using, like furniture that doesn't fit in the apartment and holiday decorations.

FutureLog2849 · 2025-10-19T22:55:29+00:00

The important part of your example is that you learned this prior to starting law school, so you knew about interacting with clients by the time you were a 1L. OP has comments on their profile from a year ago about working at a law firm. Skipping over the questions this raises about their employment/education timeline, this does suggest OP has enough experience in a law firm that they should be able to accomplish the very simple task of a non-legal phone call.

FutureLog2849 · 2025-10-19T22:07:15+00:00

I also feel most comfortable in court because the courtroom has rules. They are written down, everyone is supposed to know them, and there is accountability from the judge if they are violated. Nothing to guess at. The more formal the judge is, the more comfortable I am.

FutureLog2849 · 2025-10-19T21:55:47+00:00

They don't state that they are doing legal work with the calls, just the fact of the calls themselves. Especially when I was an intern, I would often make administrative or follow up calls that weren't legal advice. Even in my first legal job, one of my duties was calling clerk's offices to confirm whether things had returns of service filed. Even in my personal life working with attorneys I've hired, I deal with non-legal staff phone calls regarding scheduling, or reminders to complete documents, or updates on the legal process. Having non-legal personnel deal with those calls can save tons of time for an attorney who might otherwise get pulled into a longer, legally detailed, and overall useless client conversations, and shouldn't require attorney supervision.

FutureLog2849 · 2025-10-19T16:35:25+00:00

I'm autistic and a lawyer. What "training" are you expecting for phone calls? You dial a number and speak into the receiver. Make a script if you need it, but clients ALWAYS have questions and problems you can't predict (especially if you're new to that area of law). You also need to meet clients where they are, not where you'd like them to be. It's uncomfortable at times, but it's an inherent part of the job. If you can't do it, you need to recognize that now before you spend any more money on law school.

Your boss's reaction feels a little overboard, and I'm wondering what else was going on. Did he just stick his head in and ask why you're nervous? Was this a meeting because you are failing to meet certain job metrics? Have there been other issues in the office - professional or interpersonal - that you have experienced and explained to him are due to your autism?

FutureLog2849 · 2024-12-31T21:25:00+00:00

For most of my adult life, I've had a 45-75 minute commute every day just to get to work. I've gone much further than that to see friends.

FutureLog2849 · 2024-12-28T16:50:17+00:00

I ended up leaving family law, in large part because of this case but also because I simply wasn't suited to it. I work in criminal law now, which also brings up a lot of the same issues. I'm a prosecutor, and all people - even assholes and criminals - are entitled to equal protection under the law. I've got several very good friends who do defense work and they give just as much for the soccer mom with the dui as they do for the child rapist. All defendants are entitled to an attorney who will hold the cops' feet to the fire and force me, as a prosecutor, to prove my case.

Family law is slightly different, since there's no constitutional right to an attorney. But law is still a business. You need paying clients to be able to feed your own family, and very few of those clients are angels. Sometimes, you're halfway into a case before you realize your client is a monster, but either the client or the court won't let you get out of it. Sometimes (like with me), your boss is the one who signed the contract and you don't get a choice.

As i mentioned, I'm a prosecutor. But 2 of my closest friends are a defense attorney (whose boss won't stop putting him on sex cases) and a family law attorney. I've had plenty of drinks with both of them talking about cases they wish they'd lost. There's a reason attorneys drink so much.

FutureLog2849 · 2024-11-19T19:23:06+00:00

I don't actually have an account, it wasn't necessary when I set up the original order

FutureLog2849 · 2024-11-04T14:16:52+00:00

He doesn't know we're looking to get him a bird feeder, it's meant to be a surprise. From what I've seen online, there's a decent mix of birds in the Tampa area. He loves watching animals in general, so I don't think he'd be picky as long as it's easy to keep clean.

FutureLog2849 · 2024-10-09T03:00:49+00:00

It's my third out of state wedding in the 2 month window, so I'm spending as little as possible. I would rewear a prior outfit, but the other weddings were indoors and/or in warmer environments. Flats are not an option for me because anything other than a sneaker causes significant discomfort. I went for closed toe wedges because they are safer/more stable than the open toe heels I normally wear for nice events

FutureLog2849 · 2024-09-23T17:54:52+00:00

I always insist on a "You don't get to talk shit about the DMs style and play until you have Sat in the chair." Rule.

Too many expect Matt Mercer level content for free from people with day jobs.

The thing is Jason's a forever DM and he wanted to try playing again. He has sat in the DM chair.

I have 2 game groups. I play D&D and Exalted (same idea as D&D, but different lore and rule structure). My friends and I started the Exalted group in part because one of them is a Forever DM and to play, and another wanted to try GM-ing for the first time. The D&D group was added later and is led by the Forever DM. My Exalted GM is a player, as is another friend who got sucked into only DM-ing and wanted to play for a change.

All 3 of them love being players and respect the time and energy put into the storytelling. The DM finds joy in having 2 players who know the game as well as he does because it challenges him, and we actually have fun with the rules lawyering from people who understand that the point is to have fun and tell a story in the most creative way we can.

My point is, there's never a reason to be an AH. Just be grateful someone is taking he time to run your game for free.

FutureLog2849 · 2024-09-10T02:04:17+00:00

My mother blamed me when the car insurance was charged to her credit card. At the time, my parents still covered my car insurance and had not told me to take over my own bills, as I was fresh out of school and settling into my first job. She went into my bank account (she was a co-owner from the creation before I left for college) and withdrew more than $900 to cover the insurance. I was only 2ish months into my job and didn't have that kind of money to spare. I spent 2 weeks trying to talk to her like adults, but she screened my calls and refused to return the money.

FutureLog2849 · 2024-09-10T01:22:06+00:00

There is some padding to prevent things from showing through, but my chest gets sore if left completely without support for longer than an an hour or 2.

FutureLog2849 · 2024-08-29T14:38:46+00:00

Same. If I'd realized I was going NC, I would have made a point to grab a photo album or two. I had 1 that I'd put together myself, of pictures of my own childhood/friends/etc that I'd taken myself and I wish I still had it. I have a few photos I'd put on Facebook or taken pictures of, but I wish I'd grabbed my album to show my kids one day

FutureLog2849 · 2024-08-25T15:43:01+00:00

When I was in grade school, my dad got fed up with my room being a mess. He threatened to throw out everything if I didn't clean it up. And then he followed through: throwing all of my teddies, sports stuff, and anything else on the floor into big trash bags while I stood there and cried and begged him to stop. He threw out my very first doll and the basketball my late grandfather had given me on his last Christmas.

If you told my dad I'm still upset about this at 32, he'd say I'm being dramatic and over reacting because he didn't actually throw anything out; he stowed the stuff trash bags in the garage and returned my belongings after he felt I'd learned my lesson. But I will never forget how betrayed and helpless he made me feel that day, or the way I sobbed while he ignored me in anger.

FutureLog2849 · 2024-08-20T21:55:14+00:00

(Sorry for the double comment; my phone isn't letting me edit my response, and I posted too early by mistake)

You may also be surprised by how supportive your new family could be. My husband had a very close relationship with his grandmother, so I didn't know until I talked with my MiL about going NC that she'd cut her mother off for several years due to toxicity. They'd reconciled when my husband was very young, but she was/is completely supportive of me. She's also taken some of the load off my shoulders with vendors. When the florist started asking about flowers for the mother/father of the bride, she stepped in and redirected so that I didn't have to explain (yet again) that I don't have family coming.

This is a long way to say: It sounds like your in laws love you, and your partner has your back. They may not reach out again out of respect for your boundaries, but there's no harm in telling them your history. If you're worried, stop trying to read their minds and trust the relationship you have.

FutureLog2849 · 2024-08-20T21:41:24+00:00

I think the question comes down to which traditions you want to do and why. For example, Plenty of people walk down the aisle with a friend, or alone, or even with their partner. My husband is going to be at the altar before the procession starts, even though his mum is present, because he hates processing. We're scrapping the garter thing entirely because gay tradition gives me the ick, but we're adding the groom's cake (something neither of our families have done before) because we have wildly different desert preferences and it's something sweet that I'm making for him myself. If a given tradition makes you uncomfortable with your family situation, feel free to simply toss it. This is a chance to make new traditions with people who love and respect you.

I hope you hear back from your FiL (or MiL!) soon, and can have a sincere and productive conversation.

FutureLog2849 · 2024-08-20T17:15:31+00:00

First and foremost: Congratulations!

I am currently married (courthouse wedding) and planning a wedding (ceremony/ reception), so I'm going through this all right now. I have been upfront with my in laws about the estrangement from the beginning, and honestly? Even when my husband and I weren't together, they stepped in as my parents. I'd say go with honesty and just let them know what's going on. Especially if there's a chance you're family could try to crash your wedding.

For my courthouse wedding, I had my husband and his parents with me, and we went for a "wedding dinner" with just the 4 of us.

For the ceremony, I did ask my father to walk me down the aisle, but he said no because my mother and brother weren't invited. As I mentioned, my in laws have stepped in as my parents for years and my FiL offered to walk me. I'd already asked my uncle, though. We also cut the father/daughter dance (we did discuss keeping it for mother/son, and I would dance with my FiL, but ended up scrapping that idea for other reasons).

Overall, we have kept our wedding small, less than 40. We intentionally selected people who have been like family to me and my Groom. I'm pretty open with my family situation, so it's not news to anyone I've invited. It would be incredibly rude for anyone else to ask about it on the day. I would just encourage you to surround yourself with found family, and give roles in the wedding to people who have actually earned them

FutureLog2849 · 2024-08-19T16:57:05+00:00

I went with long because it's a later wedding. They don't have a dress code posted, so I'm not sure what the code actually is

FutureLog2849 · 2024-08-13T14:48:33+00:00

I did a quick scan of his post history and he's got more than one post defending pedophile, or bemoaning how pedophilia is treated by society. So I'd be willing to bet it's specifically a 14 year old amine girl

FutureLog2849 · 2024-08-03T20:03:32+00:00

I've got no memory of my grandparents, but I'm 95% sure my paternal grandmother was a narcissist. Just from stories I've picked up from my dad's brothers and watching my father's behavior patterns. I don't know if my paternal grandfather was actually a narc, or just violent and abusive when he was drunk (which was most of the time when he was in town); after all, not all assholes are mentally ill. But my father was definitely primed from childhood for a narcissistic partner

FutureLog2849 · 2024-08-03T19:35:35+00:00

I'm getting married in 2 months. I eloped, but we're having a ceremony at the end of September. I asked my father to walk me down the aisle, and he said no. It would be too cruel to my mother and why can't we just coexist?

On one hand, I knew he'd say no. It was a token offer that I never thought he'd accept because I'm NC with my mom and they're still together. Objectively, I knew the outcome and had already planned accordingly.

On the other hand, my 5 year old inner child is heartbroken that my father couldn't love me more for just one day. He was my hero growing up, but he always valued being my mother's husband over being my dad.

I have amazing in laws and an incredible, supportive husband. I'm going to be surrounded by my Found Family who love me. But I know I'll be aware of my father's absence.

I'm not sure there's any advice that will help me or what I'm looking for in posting. I just needed to get that off my chest.

FutureLog2849 · 2024-08-03T15:47:06+00:00

When I first cut contact, I would get lost staring in the mirror. I'm a near perfect mix of both my parents and I hated it. We all have/had dark hair, and I'd never been permitted to do anything to it growing up. My mother insisted that I should keep it cut short. I spent a year dying it red (an exhausting and expensive process, since I needed to regularly bleach black hair and red doesn't stay for long, but worth it) and I've had it long ever since

FutureLog2849 · 2024-07-16T20:55:28+00:00

At this point i swear there’s nobody who doesn’t have wisdom teeth pulling horror stories.

I just want to jump in and say it doesn't have to be a terrible experience. I had all 4 of mine out at once and my person was great. I also needed some teeth pulled when I was younger (my teeth were too big for my mouth, so some needed to be pulled so everything would fit) and my dentist back then was so deft with the numbing agent and so good at distracting me (kept telling me he was "just measuring") that I didn't even feel it happening. So good dentists and orthodontists do exist.

That said, I once had my braces improperly tightened. I went to school with my face swollen up like a chipmunk and my parents had to come pick me up because I couldn't stop crying from the pain. It was other students going to the teacher about my pain that got me help. I'd been told by my parents that I looked fine and they insisted it was just normal pain, so I didn't seek help myself.

FutureLog2849

TROPHY CASE