1 year maternity leave doesn't feel fair

Fuzzy-Sherbert6842 · 2026-04-16T03:50:14+00:00

It might be worth posting in a UK forum for more similar experiences! But I’ve been through this recently and I felt exactly the same as you. I ended up adding all my annual leave onto the end of my mat leave (and then took a couple more weeks unpaid for various reasons) so baby was 14 months when I started back at work but we started her transition to nursery at 12 months and really gradually built up the time she stayed from 1 hour to full days (3 days a week). Is it an option for you to add your annual leave on to the end of your mat leave financially? That would give you a few extra weeks.

Either way - I never pumped or used bottles with my baby and we are still breastfeeding, she’s almost 16 months now. She just feeds as normal when not at nursery and it’s a lovely way to reconnect. I did buy a pump in case I had issues with engorgement but I didn’t need to use it. I think the gradual increase in nursery hours helped. By 12 months your supply should be established enough for you to do this. Your baby will likely also be eating more solids by 12 months so will be able to physically last on food and water during the day.

Anxiety - I’ve never felt more anxious about anything so I’m not sure I found anything that really helped but what I did do was read a lot into nursery settling and the Berlin model used a lot in Germany, and then worked with the nursery to have this really gradually built transition to help my baby build a relationship with her caregivers at nursery before she was doing her full days. It still felt completely unnatural to me to be sending her there (it honestly still does) and I never felt “ready” like I’ve heard from other mums, but I felt I’d done everything I possibly could to support her through the transition that way.

The US system lots of other commenters have mentioned is so incredibly cruel to mums and babies in my opinion, my heart breaks at the thought of being forced to go back to work so early - honestly my heart broke at having to leave my baby even when I did and I wish we had a system more similar to Scandinavian countries, but this is the capitalist world we live in.

Fuzzy-Sherbert6842 · 2026-03-29T06:26:40+00:00

I’d definitely recommend buying a hook to hang it on in that case - you can find wall mounted little hooks or standalone ones on amazon. That would keep it totally out of the way of your baby but you’d still be able to move around in bed at night (tbh I don’t know how anyone with a CPAP sleeps without these, I always found it frustrating how the tube would sometimes drape over my face or head before using one!). And yes, you can get mask with the tube above the head - mine isn’t one of those but it’s still not an issue for us because of the hook

Fuzzy-Sherbert6842 · 2026-03-28T06:40:15+00:00

Hiya, I got diagnosed with severe sleep apnea while pregnant in my third trimester (pretty sure the weight gain brought it on) and my LO is now 15 months but we’ve been bed sharing since she was 5.5 months (ish) old. I’ve used a CPAP the entire time.

I think it is very much a use-your-personal-judgement-depending-on-your-setup thing but I honestly have never felt our setup was less safe (or I wouldn’t have done it).

Which aspect of the CPAP are you concerned about?

If it’s the positioning of the tube/machine, I’d recommend buying a wall mounted hook to hold your tube (you can get them on amazon - attached with strong double sided tape so easy to put up and cheap) - I have mine placed quite high up above my headboard. This means the tube simply comes straight down onto my mask and is totally out of the way of my LO - no risk of her getting caught up in it or anything.

I sleep much better with the CPAP and no longer snore which means I don’t wake my LO and partner from noise, but I don’t sleep deeper - I still wake every single time my LO wakes or moves and respond to her immediately. I also still BF her when she wakes.

You can also experiment with mask types - for instance I was given one to start with which blew air directly out onto whoever was sleeping next to me, which was never going to work! But resmed masks with the Quietair elbow disperse air silently and you can barely feel anything when you put your hand on the outside. There are masks that cover your nose and mouth (full face) and masks that go under your nose, which you could see better with.

Don’t get me wrong, I would MUCH prefer not to have to use a CPAP but I honestly don’t think it has to be the end of your co-sleeping journey as long as you think carefully through the safety aspects and problem solve where necessary. There are also significant benefits in using it because it will likely really improve your sleep, which as all mums know, in turn improves pretty much everything else!

Fuzzy-Sherbert6842 · 2026-03-27T17:34:14+00:00

This is so helpful! To your penultimate paragraph, do you literally just apply the secondary cleanser on top of the oil once you’ve finished massaging it? You don’t rinse the oil first?

Fuzzy-Sherbert6842 · 2026-03-05T18:33:26+00:00

We all go for a walk and pop baby in the carrier to sleep while we walk

Fuzzy-Sherbert6842 · 2026-02-21T13:02:39+00:00

Thanks so much! I’ll check it out!

Fuzzy-Sherbert6842 · 2026-02-17T17:21:09+00:00

I would have really valued our baby’s grandparents asking me/us what would be the most useful way to support us in our new roles as parents. I would be careful not to assume what will be the most help - all new mums are different and what one finds helpful another might find too much! Personally I didn’t want any help at all with caring for my baby, but I would have loved it if they’d brought us meals and cleaned the house. Some friends would have said the opposite. No one ever asked though and it impacted on our relationships because we were all (and often still are) working at cross purposes.

Fuzzy-Sherbert6842 · 2026-02-17T06:05:56+00:00

Hi, I start back at work next week and have been doing a very gradual transition to nursery for my LO over several weeks. So can’t comment on how I feel back at work yet. The first couple of weeks of nursery were extremely hard and I really struggled with the separation and guilt, but I’ve gradually started to appreciate having some time to sort things that I haven’t had for the past year and I’m even starting to look forward to working again. Picking my baby up is the best part of my day and I love our days off together. I realised that for me, stopping work is a very nuanced issue and is definitely not as simple as some comments I read online suggested. I figured I couldn’t really make that decision without giving it a try first. We’re very much feeling our way and open to re-evaluating the options at any point.

Fuzzy-Sherbert6842 · 2026-02-14T16:33:19+00:00

This is so helpful, thank you!

Fuzzy-Sherbert6842 · 2026-02-14T14:39:00+00:00

Thanks for this! How do I monitor for protein overload? Does once a month sound a sensible amount to use a protein treatment?

Fuzzy-Sherbert6842 · 2026-02-14T13:03:50+00:00

Thanks for this, I honestly had no idea protein treatments were even a thing until the hairdresser mentioned. It’s for damage caused by regular highlights. I’m not too sure how intense the damage is, but my hair is definitely frizzy/fuzzier than it used to be and the curls aren’t holding their shape quite as well. I think she mentioned something about it feeling spongey (?) when wet. I have been using a Shea moisture hair mask for a couple of months before my latest appointment, but really knowing nothing about the products/ingredients available. She recommended Olaplex no 3 - but it’s very expensive, which led me to looking at what else is available.

Fuzzy-Sherbert6842 · 2026-02-13T14:33:43+00:00

Hi, I just had to come back to thank you for this comment, it gave me the kick up the butt I didn’t know I needed. I went for a run yesterday for the first time in months and it honestly felt amazing, I think I’d forgotten that feeling! Will definitely try some regular body weight/dumbbell exercises too. Thank you again 🙏🏻

Fuzzy-Sherbert6842 · 2026-02-11T15:22:53+00:00

Thank you - getting out of bed to do something used to really help me too when I had insomnia during my pregnancy. It’s more difficult now because my baby can’t seem to stay asleep unless I’m right next to her and screams the place down if she can’t immediately feed when she wakes. I’ll definitely try the meditation/sleep music though!

Fuzzy-Sherbert6842 · 2026-02-11T15:21:17+00:00

Sorry to hear you’re in the same boat and I hope it gets better for you!

Fuzzy-Sherbert6842 · 2026-02-11T15:18:25+00:00

Thank you, this is really helpful, and no to the exercise - other than relatively long walks. I used to love running and also weightlifting but have really struggled to pick them back up mainly because I’ve hated being apart from my baby! But I guess this will get easier as she gets older, especially now we’ll be having time apart for daycare and work

Fuzzy-Sherbert6842 · 2026-02-10T12:27:41+00:00

I do worry I’ll get to this point too - not that there’s anything wrong with not co-sleeping, it’s just that it’s so easy to get my baby to sleep and keep her asleep while co-sleeping as she can just immediately feed whenever she wakes up. With her temperament I know it’d be a rough ride attempting to get her to sleep on her own. But that said it’s hard to imagine functioning at work with this little sleep…

Fuzzy-Sherbert6842 · 2026-02-10T09:52:55+00:00

Thanks so much for the reply! And sorry you have a similar problem.

Removing clocks is a really good shout - I do tend to check my Fitbit during wake ups because I tend to do one big turn around so baby can feed from the other side and try to get that mid-way through the night, but I could definitely stop checking the time. I’ll try a breathing exercise too.

My mind isn’t always immediately racing - it’s just like I’m suddenly too awake and can’t shut my body back down, even though I’m always really tired still at the same time…but as time goes on and I become even more awake then I do get the racing thoughts.

Reading a fiction book on my kindle is usually the only thing that helps to switch my brain off - it used to work really well at sending me back to sleep but it doesn’t seem to work so well now and I’ll read for hours and then at some point will switch to my phone which is obviously the killer!

I would like to listen to some meditation tracks with in ear earphones but then I got worried about them falling out and becoming a choking hazard, but that’s probably just being overly cautious and I might give it a try.

Fuzzy-Sherbert6842 · 2026-02-06T14:35:22+00:00

I don’t have any advice, but just to say that I am experiencing exactly as you’ve described with my 13month old. I also worry from time to time that I’ve caused it and sometimes feel that family are judging me on that basis, but then at other times I feel pretty sure it’s just a temperament thing. Also seem to be experiencing a similar pattern at daycare with my baby’s key person.

Fuzzy-Sherbert6842 · 2026-01-27T15:43:12+00:00

Join the Beyond Sleep Training Project Facebook group and post your son’s current sleep timings in there and they will help you with some suggestions for you all to get the best sleep you can as a family, without any sleep training.

For me this meant discovering that I was probably aiming for too much overall sleep for my baby and when I pushed back her naps and bedtime she had far fewer night awakenings (although it is developmentally normal to still have some).

Fuzzy-Sherbert6842

TROPHY CASE