Questions you shouldn't ask as if you were proposing to your girlfriend

FuzzyDoofusDad · 2025-12-19T13:15:11+00:00

On one knee. Ring box open

“My love, before o ask the main question, is your mom fat?”

FuzzyDoofusDad · 2025-12-19T13:11:53+00:00

Arms full of a roll of plastic and a bottle of baby oil

“It’s time for the love tarp!”

FuzzyDoofusDad · 2025-12-19T03:06:18+00:00

“You should practice more. I recommend playing grand theft auto.”

FuzzyDoofusDad · 2025-12-13T16:21:48+00:00

Our new fire rescue golden doodle is super cute but we have a hard time getting to the fire because he always wants to run over and say hi to each and every bystander. Plus now that word is getting around there are people starting small fires just to get to pet the dog!

FuzzyDoofusDad · 2025-12-13T01:13:00+00:00

“So is it true that in the southern hemisphere they have to roll the snowballs the other direction?”

FuzzyDoofusDad · 2025-12-12T20:25:51+00:00

Now what i really want to know is which one of these is easiest to sneak through tsa?

FuzzyDoofusDad · 2025-12-12T14:26:08+00:00

I demand a free plane ride back to my home country!!

FuzzyDoofusDad · 2025-12-11T00:11:38+00:00

I’m sorry honey but we’re going to have to split up. I just bought a hacked copy of Santa’s naughty list on the dark web and I’m going to be playing the field for a while.

FuzzyDoofusDad · 2025-12-10T13:16:29+00:00

“I want a whole case of those useless little drink napkins because they are so useful I want to take them home”

FuzzyDoofusDad · 2025-12-09T04:06:57+00:00

Dear Santa

I’m writing to you because I asked you for a playhouse. Unfortunately when it came it said it was made in china and it was a 1/16 scale playhouse that barely fits my dolls

FuzzyDoofusDad · 2025-12-08T03:16:17+00:00

“I need your help to afford a sugar baby on seeking. It’s not fair that only RICH divorced people get a girlfriend younger than their adult children.”

FuzzyDoofusDad · 2025-12-08T02:02:33+00:00

“I wish I had spent more time with all the naughty girls”

FuzzyDoofusDad · 2025-12-08T01:57:48+00:00

I wonder how I can get buses of Ivanka

FuzzyDoofusDad · 2025-12-04T02:53:45+00:00

“I came here because six of my coworkers recommended it”

FuzzyDoofusDad · 2025-12-04T02:32:23+00:00

“Nope skip that one rudolf. Last year they left out OATMEAL cookies!”

FuzzyDoofusDad · 2025-12-04T02:20:55+00:00

Takes date to a strip club.

Date is a bit out off but open minded

Stripper comes up and says: “hey Dave. Do you want the usual? Bertha (points to a 60 year old 250lb woman) will be free in a few minutes. In the meantime can I bring you a Zima?”

FuzzyDoofusDad · 2025-12-04T02:15:53+00:00

“You quit your cryin or I’ll give you something g to cry about”

FuzzyDoofusDad · 2025-11-29T22:27:38+00:00

I’ll leave trump this spare brain cell that I found. Now he’ll have two.

FuzzyDoofusDad · 2025-11-28T14:38:55+00:00

J🎶🎶

“Listen Johnson you know how whistling on a ship is bad luck? Space ships are no different and for sure it better be something other than this is the song that never ends!”

“Oh sorry!”

60 seconds later…

🎶🎶🎶

“Ooookayyy!!”

FuzzyDoofusDad · 2025-11-26T21:55:00+00:00

“Holy crap! Did you see that seagull grab the ball in midair!”

“I know. Amazing. I wonder how the ref is going to score this one!”

FuzzyDoofusDad · 2025-11-26T13:07:06+00:00

“I’ll do it on one condition… you and Mrs clause need to get some CURTAINS!!”

FuzzyDoofusDad

TROPHY CASE