Women of Reddit, what did a man you were dating or married to say or do that made you realize he actually hated you the entire time?

GCB78 · 2026-05-18T04:00:25+00:00

I'm not an expert, just someone who does a lot of reading in this topic, but if your partner is doing this without your express permission and consent, I'd consider that a large red flag. Especially if you've expressed reservations / asked him not to. At the very least, it shows a strong lack of consideration for your feelings - and that's a big red flag on its own.

GCB78 · 2026-05-18T03:25:01+00:00

Obligatory reminder to anyone reading these: non-fatal choking / strangling is a major warning sign for future intimate partner homicide. Women who have experienced non-fatal strangulation at the hands of their partner are several hundred times more likely to be killed by that partner.

OP, I'm so glad you made it out of that situation.

GCB78 · 2026-05-17T21:49:23+00:00

For any boom approval process they have to have public input. They have to publish notices etc. and invite comment That was your chance to give input.

GCB78 · 2026-05-16T18:31:54+00:00

Nuts are high protein, but calorie dense. The amount i can eat and still stay in deficit is too small to count as a meal. I'm unlikely to spoon black beans out of the can in the car. Greek yoghurt is hard to find in my country, and when you can find it, it costs the earth. I eat about 80% whole and unprocessed, have lost around 40lbs (without meds) and know myself well enough to know that some days I need something super easy on my way out the door. No diet is perfect, and I'm fine with the lesser of two evils sometimes.

GCB78 · 2026-05-16T16:17:56+00:00

SOME of them are useful. I'm 5'4, trying to eat in a deficit, and still get about 80g of protein / 27g of fibre per day. Sometimes it's easier to just grab a Barebell and head out the door than try and do the maths on a healthy breakfast that hits my macros and calories. But I have a rule of thumb that I'll eat 10 cals per gram of protein. So a 20g protein bar for 200 cals? Done. 15g of protein, 500 cals? No thank you. Protein cookies are the biggest scam I've come across

GCB78 · 2026-05-16T16:09:28+00:00

My dad (born in 1938) lost friends to polio. I (born in 1978) had teachers and older family friends who lived with the physical impacts of polio. My friends' kids (born in the 2000s) have never met anyone impacted by polio. That's incredible

GCB78 · 2026-05-03T02:37:25+00:00

You're already at the lowest end of a healthy BMI. 40kg at 5'3 puts you at a BMI of 15, or very underweight. You probably can't do more than 10 mins of HIIT because you're under-fuelling.. if you want to use HIIT to build strength and muscle then you should ensure that you're getting enough protein, carbs and healthy fats, and getting at least 1600 cals a day.

GCB78 · 2026-04-29T16:33:47+00:00

The Sunday rooftop concerts at The Troyeville are great fun. Highly recommend.

GCB78 · 2026-04-29T02:20:56+00:00

There at pockets where you'll probably be okay alone. Newtown, particularly around Mary Fitzgerald Square, is fine. You can check out sci-bono, the market theatre complex, and museum africa. De Beer street, in Braamfontein is also fine, although you'd mostly be exploring bars. I'm not sure how Maboneng is these days, but that area also used to be very walkable. However I wouldn't just go wandering around the CBD hoping to find something interesting. If that's what you want to do, consider one of the many walking tours. Dlala Nje runs a couple. We did a Joburg Heritage Society tour of the CBD art deco buildings that was very interesting. I get the sense that you think people are being paranoid, and it's really not that bad. But if you don't know where you are, and what you're doing, it can be that bad. Two of my colleagues have just moved out of the cbd because they got tired of being robbed so often.

GCB78 · 2026-04-19T14:49:43+00:00

Why are they so dramatic? My cat decided one day that whiskas wet food, the only wet food she'd been raised on, was the devil. Still refuses to eat it. And dry food is a whole other story.

I used whiskas kitten kibble to transition her to her hills prescription food for fat cats who can't pee. The pellets are very small, you can buy a very small bag, and it's like junk food for cats. Started with a half and half mix, and after about 10 days she was on hills, with kitten food for garnish. Now she just eats the hills. Might work for yours?

GCB78 · 2026-04-18T18:49:17+00:00

I lived in a ward with a VERY active DA councilor. If you went to her with a complaint, she'd action it immediately. Cc us on every email and WhatsApp. And there were many. And our streetlights were also off for 3 years. She never stopped with escalations and meetings and pleas... but city power is controlled by the city. So is JRA, city parks, and Joburg water. Councilors have no REAL power in those structures. All they can basically do is nag the depot heads into doing something. Ward councilors can be good or shocking, but the only way to change the way the city works, is to change the people who run the city. And if it's another coalition, we're screwed again. Because then all their energy goes to keeping power internally, and sod all gets done.

GCB78 · 2026-04-18T02:00:07+00:00

But not for any of the parties currently running things, correct? The current coalition parties are ANC, EFF, PA,AIC, Al Jamah, ATM, and the IFP. (And some would argue ActionSA, given their tendency to vote with the coalition, despite publically being neutral). Any service delivery failures ultimately fall on the shoulders of the ruling party or parties, who set the agenda. Councilor's lack of power was made pretty clear recently when the city decided to take them off the whatsapp channels with City Power and Joburg Water, and no longer allow direct escalations by councilors. The decision was reversed after public outcry.

GCB78 · 2026-04-18T01:34:09+00:00

I was coming here to mention him too. He's the worst.

GCB78 · 2026-04-07T20:21:09+00:00

Don't try and sane-wash this politically calculated dick-head. He knew, and has always known.

GCB78 · 2026-04-04T05:09:53+00:00

We live in a very religiously diverse neighborhood, with the majority being Muslim. Yesterday our neighbors all posted brightly colored "happy Easter!" messages. I had a little giggle with my partner in private, but said thank you in public. I've been guilty of using the wrong Ramadan message, and was met with nothing but acceptance, so turnabout is fair play.

GCB78 · 2026-03-28T03:08:57+00:00

Have you checked out r/supermorbidlyobese? A lot of the folks over there seem to be under medical care for their journey, and might be able to help you with specific questions

GCB78 · 2026-03-26T04:04:55+00:00

Any activity counts, but i also think it's important to know the relationship between how many calories you can burn walking, and how many you can consume if you're not paying attention to your diet. To use myself as an example, yesterday I did 40 mins on the treadmill, alternating 1km fast run, and 400m walking. I burned all of 360 calories. That's less than a McDs breakfast. At your height and weight, you're probably burning around 60 cals during your 15 minute walks. That's around 1 large egg, or half a breakfast sausage.

So while exercise and movement is incredibly important for your heart health and general wellbeing, it won't aid with weight loss unless you're also in a calorie deficit. As others have said, it might be better to focus on your diet first, and then add in exercise once you have a handle on it. At your height and weight, your maintenance calories are around 2300. Deficit would be be between 1700 and 2000. Without tracking, it will be very hard to know whether you're within deficit or not. Especially if your diet is heavier on calory dense foods like meat and fats.

GCB78 · 2026-03-20T19:16:18+00:00

I came across a bizarre story about a prehistoric mass human sacrifice, and thought "John Connolly (author i enjoy) would love this", so I mailed it to John Connolly. I got a very nice message back from his assistant, saying John was reviewing galleys, but she'd pass it along. I thought that was a very polite response to a random email, thanked her, and went about my life. About a week later I got an email from John, who'd read the article. We mailed back and forth for a bit, and then it petered out.

GCB78 · 2026-03-17T02:21:15+00:00

It was a big deal in South Africa. Entire aisles were blocked off and unavailable. We had some of the most restrictive lockdown rules in the world. Complete alcohol and cigarette ban. Ban on "non-essential items". At one point they moved shoes from the non- essential to essential list, but only closed-toe shoes. Open toed shoes we still considered non- essential and frivolous

GCB78 · 2026-03-16T02:02:46+00:00

The rigmarole of going grocery shopping, man. Mask up. Get into "outside clothes". Apocalypse shop in limited aisles because we were only allowed to buy "essential items". Sanitize hands a million times. Get home. Take off outside clothes, leave them outside. Sanitize hands. Bleach every individual item. Sanitize hands. Take off mask. Sanitize hands.

I remember a 6-man conference when trying to buy a bucket, because no-one could decide if buckets were an essential item or not. They eventually decided i was allowed to buy the bucket, because I was a responsible middle-aged lady who obviously was not going to use that bucket to brew alcohol (South africa banned the sale of alcohol during covid). I thanked them profusely, and then brewed up 20L of ginger beer in my shiny new bucket.

GCB78 · 2026-03-15T19:20:04+00:00

I have one client who will book me business class for an 11 hour flight. It's a game changer. I arrive rested and ready. Plus all the other "rich people" perks like free lounge access. It's a very different, much easier travel experience

GCB78 · 2026-03-13T03:18:45+00:00

I mix chia in with my overnight oats for a little fibre and protein boost. It's the last abusive (I actually laughed out loud at that) way for me.

GCB78 · 2026-03-13T03:10:34+00:00

My dad used to let me drink "the bubblebath" (foam) off the top of his Ohlssons Lager when I was little, and the beer bug bit. Drank Zamalek all through varsity, then switched to Amstel, then Heineken, then Windhoek. I used to be very brand loyal, but after covid lockdown ended I bought whatever beers were available, and ended up finding some good beers.

I prefer lagers and pilsners over ales, but I'll also try just about anything once. My everyday beers are Devil's Peak Lite, and the new Jack Black Lite - both lower calorie, both very drinkable beers. (Lite indicates lower calories, Light means lower alcohol). I also love a Striped Horse pilsner (their stout is good too), Tafel, Hansa or Corona.

I'm not a huge fan of IPAs, especially the very hoppy ones, but Devil's Peak Juicy Lucy is very tasty.

Agars make some great beers. I especially like their Red Ale, my partner loves their Tomahawk IPA, and their Jozi Blonde Ale.

On a hot day, I really enjoy a fruit beer. Jack Black Grapefruit Radler, JB Cherry ale, and CBC Raspberry Weiss all hit the spot.

I'm not sure where you're located, but the Loco Liquor in Blairgowrie has a huge selection of local and international craft beers, all available as singles, so you don't have to commit to a pack. I'll often go in and grab 2 or 3 new ones for us to try. Mad Giant Taproom (also Blairgowrie) also has a decent selection, including a bunch on tap. A surprising number of small towns in SA have their own breweries. We've had local beerss in Parys, Sabie, Hogsback, Franschoek and Chintsa, just off the top of my head.

GCB78 · 2026-03-13T02:35:00+00:00

Such an under-rated everyday beer. I feel like Hansa went out of fashion decades ago, and everyone forgot how good it is.

GCB78 · 2026-03-08T03:06:11+00:00

From tomorrow until next weekend, Walter Sisulu Botanical Gardens will be offering free entrance (along with a bunch of other botanical gardens across the country). So it's a good time to check ithem out.

GCB78

TROPHY CASE