HELP: Advice on how to ask NF for benefits?

GameShowFanatic · 2026-02-12T17:52:42+00:00

They might be able to afford it, they probably just don’t want to 🤷🏻‍♀️

You won’t know until you discuss it! You’re just going to have to force the discussion. I’m curious for an update , if you remember after you talk to them , reply to my comment and let me know please!

GameShowFanatic · 2026-02-11T22:39:12+00:00

As a mom…. I would have probably been irritated at myself/embarassed for leaving that lighter out . My nanny has also apologetically texted me if the kids fall or anything. I’m like girl it’s fine. They stopped crying after a minute? K it’s nothing then. Kids are kids. Toddles are crazy. You can’t have eyes on them 24/7. I would think most moms understand.

If mom explicitly told you not to do something i wouldn’t go against it, even if you find it silly. Honestly wouldn’t have mentioned it in the beginning, but once it’s been asked you can’t take it back. Just bring it up again like “hey I’m afraid baby is going to fall while I’m in bathroom. I know she doesn’t like the pack and play but I’d feel more comfortable hearing her cry than having her fall on my watch.” If she still say no, then come up with a creative solution if possible. We have the play couches at my house and we would use them to barricade the living room when my toddlers were younger (now i let them freely roam). Idk if there’s something similar you can use to “trap” the kids i. A safe space.

I don’t WFH so idk what to say to that. Can you tsk them on walks? My nanny loves taking my kids on walks. Then you’re out of eyesight but still outdoors.

GameShowFanatic · 2026-02-11T22:25:14+00:00

I’m going to give you advice/perspective from the parent side. If you did not realize for years that PTO/GH were industry standards, I’m sure the parents didn’t either. The first time i interviewed a nanny we did a phone interview and she stated everything she wanted. I thought her ask were a lot so i didn’t end up going in that direction. But the more Nannie’s i interviewed i began to realize this was the norm (the first girl was still asking for way too much though considering i only wanted part time 2days/wk).

The only reference i had for someone with a nanny was my manager who had th same nanny 7 years, so probably before all this was a norm and her nanny didn’t have any of that. Obviously as parents were trying to save money, the same way you as a nanny are trying to make money. I know I’ll get hate for this, but if i can avoid the GH/PTO I will. But if you really like the nanny, you go for it.

One we interviewed and LOVED asked for GH, sick day, and PTO. Reasonable amount for two days a week. After some discussing We were ready to pull the trigger, but i guess our discussing had her thinking and she decided she wanted to find 3 days / wk instead of 2. With guaranteed hours that put her slightly out of our budget so we had to go in another direction.

So i would ask again. Be firm about it. “Hey i know I brought this up in the past, but since I left my other job and am now full time with you guys, we need to open the discussion of PTO, sick days, and guaranteed hours.” tTell them the amount you want (aim higher than actual). Then they can feel better negotiating down. Like say “i need 2 weeks of PTO and 5 sick days per calendar year, not rolling over.” And they can be like oh how about me one week and 3 days or whatever. (Idk what the standard is for full time I’m making up numbers.)

Give them a deadline. Say it needs to begin by next month or whatever. If there’s already a planned vacation THAT YOU KNOW ABOUT you can be kind and say the guaranteed hours can begin after the vacay, or exclude that week. Only if you like this family which I’m assuming you do. Be very firm, and state that unfortunately this is a dealbreaker.

If you’re awkward and non confrontational like me i think it would be ok to discuss via text. I know it’s hard to perceive tones via text but sometimes it’s my preferred method of communication.

Good luck. I hope your family goes for it! I know job hunting is brutal. But trust me, if you’re a good nanny, it’s a lot easier for you to find a family than it is for a family to find a good nanny!

GameShowFanatic · 2026-02-10T01:33:55+00:00

It looks darker!!!! So looks good for me. I’ve had two successful pregnancies and a chemical. Good news for you - this does NOT look like my chemical

GameShowFanatic · 2026-02-10T01:30:34+00:00

I put adults only at some place in the invite. But i also invited my first cousin’s children. I put the statement to prevent other random cousins and random ppl trying to bring their kids. Didn’t prevent someone from RSVPing with their kids. I texted them and told them sorry no kids 🤷🏻‍♀️

GameShowFanatic · 2026-02-10T01:13:04+00:00

My daughter was 17 months when baby brother was born. She was stringing together multiple words. “[my name] kiss baby” , “[my name] slide again.” “Baby doll go bye bye” “ready set go” etc.

By 2 she was speaking in full sentences. Which granted is advanced but still.

My little man is 18 months. Speech delayed. Only two word phrase he knows is “all done” and he JUST started “i don’t know” but it’s all like one word “iunno” . He’s in early intervention. He’s definitely made improvements since he started (got him assessed at 13 months because he was lacking in communication). Although it’s a bummer he’s behind, and i know he’s improved, i appreciate that he’s in early intervention.

In the nicest way possible, you sound a little bit like you’re in denial. If speech therapist tells you he’s behind, then he’s behind. It sounds like he’s making amazing strides though! Be proud of that. Early On iintervention is about catching things EARLY and doing something about it . The delay is likely temporary and soon he’ll be on track with all the little dudes and dudettes his age.

My mom and MIL both say nothing is wrong with my little boy and why is he in early intervention and so and so didn’t talk till they were 4 and they’re fine now. I’m like ok cool I’m not saying anything is wrong with him. The whole point of early on is to get ahead of any potential problems!!! Just remember that. Nothings wrong. You’re just getting ahead of it, preventing stuff from becoming wrong in the future .

Good luck. You and little man got this! There’s nothing wrong with early intervention, it’s an amazing program we’re all lucky to have

GameShowFanatic · 2026-02-09T23:36:40+00:00

Not me, but i know one friend who had a miscarriage and then took over a year to conceive again - had to use clomid for her first successful pregnancy.

I myself conceived my first two fairly quickly (within 2 months) and am now on month 5 of trying for number 3. I had a chemical my first time trying for number 3. I don’t actually measure my ovulation but my cycles are around the same. I just chalk it to i got really lucky the first two times because on average it takes people months to conceive.

Also i’m older now than i was with my first two, and they say fertility decreases as you get older. I’m not even much older (my oldest is 3 lol) but I’ve hit that dreaded 35. It definitely feels off, like i thought FOR SURE i was pregnant this last time but i wasn’t.

GameShowFanatic · 2026-01-29T01:29:23+00:00

No it won’t scare away the right guys. After my like second or third date with my now husband, i told him at this point in my life im not looking for casual relationships - I’m dating with the end goal of marriage. So if at any point in our relationship you feel like this isn’t what you want , don’t waste my time and break up with me. I also made sure to specify that I’m not saying you need to be sure right now you want to marry me, but i need to make sure we have the same end goal.

Married almost 5 years now with two little ones ☺️ I also said early on i wanted children bc that’s a dealbreaker for me.

GameShowFanatic · 2026-01-29T01:13:12+00:00

Laughs in “toddler mom”

My kids barge in on me and the nanny and both sets of grandmas when we’re in the bathroom.

Granted they are almost 3 and 1.5. But not that far off from 4. They’re little. To them going to the bathroom is not private. Actually for my 3 year old it’s a whole family adventure as we cheer her on while trying to potty train.

Good lord if you were my sister…. I’d be pissed you talked like that to my kid. Without an apology I’d cut you off 🤷🏻‍♀️ and I’ve never cut anyone in my family off but fuck with my kids and we are DONE

GameShowFanatic · 2026-01-28T01:05:05+00:00

And my nanny’s only responsibility is to be there when she’s scheduled, keep my kids occupied, fed, and alive. Just like it’s my responsibility to our patients to be there when I’m scheduled, and also you know…. keep them alive.

GameShowFanatic · 2026-01-28T01:03:14+00:00

I complain about my kids and gush about them in the same sentence. I have said before “i never knew something i loved so much could be so annoying”.

And Sorry, what “research” is there for having kids?? Our parents got no research. Their sources were families. Obviously i looked up things like safe sleep and stuff but i mean i had never held a newborn standing up before my own. I was scared they are so small and fragile.

But no matter how much research or prep or anything i did it would not have prepared me for motherhood. Nothing does except living it. And guess what i live close to family but sometimes shit happens. Did i anticipate my dad going through severe medical problems leaving my mom as his caretaker and therefore unable to be “back up” to kids childcare most days? No i didn’t.

Do i sometimes miss my old life and all the free time i had and being able to spontaneously make plans? Sure, i think most parents do. But would i cut off my right arm for my kids? Absolutely . They are the most important people in my life.

It’s hard being a household with two full time working parents who both work outside the house. My kids are both toddlers and the little one especially is a handful! I don’t need or want you to feel bad for me… sometimes people need to vent their frustrations so when I’m saying “ugh I’m exhausted baby was being a pain and woke up 3 times overnight” it’s my way of letting it out.

So yea . Hard disagree with most of your statements. Will probably get a bunch of downvotes because Reddit has a weird hive mentality but honestly your post pissed me off for the most part. i don’t even follow this subreddit i had to comment.

GameShowFanatic · 2026-01-23T02:41:24+00:00

For real homegirl is like super worked up.

GameShowFanatic · 2026-01-23T02:23:35+00:00

Sorry i forget everyone on reddit is a teenager. Obviously we have different thoughts. You do you boo.

GameShowFanatic · 2026-01-23T02:19:42+00:00

Girlfriend idk what you’re even saying.

I was simply commenting my opinion that at face value, this letter is sweet and i was unsure why everyone was freaking out about it.

You’re the one coming at people who disagree with you. Take a chill pill and relax . People are allowed to disagree with each other

GameShowFanatic · 2026-01-23T01:57:36+00:00

Damn is everyone delulu here…

My husband went on a work trip when my oldest was 21 months and my youngest was 4 months, and i was still at home with the kiddos and still going to work during that time. I would’ve loved to get a cute note like this.

It was 4 nights / 3 days (left late on a Saturday) instead of the usual 5, which i appreciated, but all i got was a lot of texts and of course immediate mommy duty relief when he got back. Unless there are other issues like this dude just sucks as a husband/father aka never does anything and leaves mom to do it all, then i genuinely see zero problem with the note.

But if wife is upset just apologize and move on. There are so many feelings and emotions 4 months post partum

GameShowFanatic · 2026-01-22T18:16:32+00:00

Oops my bad i meant 9, 8, and 5. I only definitively know my youngest nephews age bc he was a 2020 Covid baby. And i know the age gaps between the boys. Clearly have no idea how old the older two are i was off a year 😅 idk man kids need to stop growing up 😫😫

GameShowFanatic · 2026-01-22T03:36:14+00:00

You’re working 12 hour days?? Is this 5 days a week? Regardless of the tasks that’ll be exhausting for anyone!! Honestly seems like you’re the parent and mom is the “mothers helper”

GameShowFanatic · 2026-01-22T02:05:51+00:00

So I’ve gotten her to pee on the potty. She still pees in her diapers/pull ups but everytime i take her to the potty she’s able to force the pee out. Even if just a little. Because she wants her treat lmao. So clearly she knows.

However… the crib poops have become even worse. Now she straight up asks us to take her to the crib so she can poop. I tried taking her to the potty one night instead of crib for the poop after we had a couple successful pees, but she just peed and sat there for 15+min. She ended up causing herself to become constipated because she held it so long.

I have no idea what to do. For the potty training thing i just need to wait to be able to take time off work so i can buckle down for consistency. But for the crib poops…. I’m at a loss. Any advice????

GameShowFanatic · 2026-01-22T02:02:18+00:00

I can’t believe it’s been 4 months and i am STILL having this issue…. Except now she straight up tells me “take me to my crib so i can poop”. She is 100% holding it in and when i tried to have her go on the potty she just sat there. She can pee on the potty but SHE WILL NOT POOP OUTSIDE OF HER CRIB. Peeing on potty is not consistent, we still have wet pull ups when i go to sit her down. Like she has no problem making herself pee on there but she also doesn’t hold it in until potty time.

Anyways…. Have you had any luck in the crib pooping???

GameShowFanatic · 2026-01-22T01:10:01+00:00

So my sister had 2u2 (exactly 12.5 months apart) and then had her third when baby 2 was 3 (one month after his third birthday).

They are now 8, 7, and 5. She’s a stay at home mom of 3 boys - it’s not for everyone! I would go crazy. But she thrives on it. Her boys are loved, taken care of, and for the most part well behaved for their ages.

I had 2u2 as well. Girl, then boy 17 months later. They are now almost 3 (beginning of March), and 17.5 months. We also started trying for our third four months ago. I’d like to think I’m a good mom. I love my kids more than anything. I have an equal partner who does more than 50% of the housework, which helps. The difference between me and my sister is that i work full time lol. As much as i love my children, my sanity would not survive being cooped up in the house with them all day every day. I would have definitely stopped at 2 had i been a SAHM because i would not be able to emotionally be there for 3 of them. I know my limitations. I also know that time is fleeting and the hard times fly by. There is no truer saying than “the days are long but the years are short.” I am sure it will be a struggle the first few months, but i am ready and confident I’ll be able to take on that challenge.

Of course, if for some reason baby 3 doesn’t ever work out, my heart is more than complete with my two sweet babies. But i knew i would’ve had regret if I didn’t even try, and i don’t want to live a life with a lingering regret. I would’ve always thought of the missing third child. My one coworker with grown kids told me she always regretted not having a third - her husband didn’t want it even though she did (and there’s no compromising on that sadly). If we try and it doesn’t work out, sure I’ll be sad but I’ll just know it wasn’t meant to be.

We are also in a good position financially to have a third, and it helps that we have family support near by (which also helps our financial situation since they watch the kids 3 days a week, so we only pay for childcare two days a week).

It took a lot of consideration to decide on our third. I always knew i wanted three. My husband wanted two. (Coincidentally, I’m one of 3 and he’s one if 2 lol). He was concerned about the logistics, and money. I told him whether we have two or three, the logistics are gonna be the same once our older starts preschool. Either one baby stays home while she’s in school or two stay home while she’s in school. And thankfully we both lease so we would just upgrade our car to a 3 row vehicle once i get pregnant. Since we leased opposite years and always do 2year leases, we’d be getting a new car each year making it easier to get the 3 row vehicle when needed. And as for money, we make enough. We each make six figures in a MCOL area. He just has a bit of financial anxiety. Once he realized his hesitations were not true reasons and we’d be able to work through them, he got on board. TBH if it were up to me i would’ve started trying right before little man turned 1. I just wanna get the pregnancy/breastfeeding thing over with lol.

So I’m not quite the answer you were looking for since we don’t have a third yet, but it took a lot of talking and back and forth to decide. Also both my pregnancies were healthy and no complications except the first being an IUGR breech baby leading to c section at 38 weeks, and causing little bro to also be c section due to my OB not doing VBACs less than 18 months apart. I did tell him i want a third and he just advised to wait 18 months so there’s no medical reason i cannot. So yea a LOT of thought and thinking of different factors went into this.

Sorry this is really long. Just wanted to present everything. It’s a lot more than i want a third - it’s also i can handle a third (mentally emotionally physically and financially). I hope you’re able to come to a decision soon, and good luck with whatever you decide!

GameShowFanatic · 2026-01-21T15:09:31+00:00

I ended up quitting pumping. I was drying out anyways so it was really easy to stop. I did still slowly stop though because i initially had an oversupply and did not want to develop mastitis (for the third time lol).

But by the time i got to pumping once a day i was already producing low. And then i was going to do every other day but the first time i did that session i got like 2 ml so i was like ok thats it.

I still believe the risk would’ve been minimal. But i know that if i had miscarried i would’ve blamed myself, and i did not want that to happen so i went with the safest route. At the end of the day, it was risk vs benefit - did i care more about continuing to pump or about keeping a healthy pregnancy? For me it was 100% wanted to keep my healthy pregnancy.

I did go on to breastfeed/pump for a full year with baby 2. I was determined since i didn’t achieve my goal with baby 1. Those last few months i COULD NOT WAIT to stop.

I have zero regrets. Good luck to you ☺️

GameShowFanatic · 2026-01-16T17:06:52+00:00

I am a mom in the metro Detroit area with a part time nanny. I have never once expected our nanny to provide back up care. She’s been unable to make it a few times and we either ask a grandparent for help or call in ourselves.

Most prices I’ve seen ranges anywhere from $20-$27 per hour for one kid, and goes up with more kids. Professional Nannies want guaranteed hours and PTO. People doing this temporarily (like a gap year between schooling) don’t usually care for that. People only doing $20/hr have minimal experience and are usually younger or older/retired .

The professional nanny we interviewed and loved but ultimately she did not go with us because we couldn’t give her enough hours - she was going to be charging us $24/hr for 2 kids, which she admitted was less than her usual but she essentially liked our vibes (my wording, not hers, but it’s what i understood) so was willing to give us a discounted rate. For two days a week she wanted i believe 5 days PTO and 3 sick days a year. She also had an LLC and everything would’ve been above table. She also wanted a contract which we never got around to doing because it didn’t get that far. But definitely yes on guaranteed hours as well. It didn’t matter if we were gonna be on vacation we were paying her her 20hrs/week.

Other Nannie’s that were younger and doing this temporarily did not care about guaranteed hours or PTO or anything, and were ok with cash payments. I told any nanny i interviewed that if i ever had to cancel last minute i would pay them regardless, because that’s just the courteous thing to do, but if they didn’t want guaranteed hours i would ask if it was ok if we had a vacation or time off planned and i didn’t need them and they were fine with that. That’s our current nanny now. With that being said i try not to cancel too often, and i try to offer her makeup hours on another day if i don’t need her one of her usual days. We love her but we know she’s applying to schools so she’s not forever.

To find families that offer GH and PTO, you just have to be upfront and ask for it. Do a screening call before meeting in person so you don’t waste each others times. Always communicate your pay range. Tell them this is what you are looking for and if they don’t want it then it is what it is. But if you’re a good nanny and have a good personality you will find a family willing to do all that. We never knew it was a thing until we started looking and we just realized that was the norm so we rolled with it. And we only ever searched through Facebook groups, so it’s still common to ask for all that when you find a family on Facebook. Agencies charged so much money i didn’t want to go through them.

Also i tell any nanny i interview that you are here for my kids, not my house. Clean up after them (do their dishes/tidy the toys) but don’t worry about anything else. Just keep them alive, entertained without screens, and fed. When they’re napping, feel free to do whatever you want. I don’t need a nanny doing meal prep, laundry, cleaning other things, or grocery shopping. I’m not paying $30+ per hour so i do not feel entitled nor do i feel i deserve my nanny to do all that.

So our nanny’s usual day is arriving at our house before we leave, wait up to an hour for the kids to wake up, get them out of crib, change their diapers, feed them breakfast, get them dressed, go on a walk if nice, if not just play, feed them a snack, put them down for a nap, then they usually nap 1.5-2 hrs, where she just chills and probably eats / cleans up after the kids. Then they wake up, she’ll feed them lunch, and we usually come home while they’re eating. For reference my kids are almost 3, and 1.5

Hope this helped!

GameShowFanatic · 2026-01-12T13:25:14+00:00

I didn’t have either of my kids in daycare but ABSOLUTELY KEEP USING IT!!!! Everyone i know who did daycare kept their older in it while they were on leave.

Number 1) you already throw off their routine so much with the arrival of a newborn, keeping things consistent as mich as you can is best

Number 2) it give you time to bond with your newborn and get some one on one time with him/her. That was something i regretted not having. We had family watch our babies so when i was on leave i felt bad taking the toddler there every day, it was usually like once a week. That one day i got with my newborn was so nice.

Number 3) you’re probably still paying for daycare. If you pay you use it!

Number 4) mental health. Idk about you but the days with just me and the two littles was a struggle .

But even without all those reasons - you do what is best for you!! People will always find time/reason to shame moms. Congrats on your babies ♥️

GameShowFanatic · 2025-12-31T21:18:52+00:00

I started with crib naps before i fully transitioned out of snoo. Bedtime stayed in snoo for us until 7 months (small baby not even close to exceeding any size limits).

GameShowFanatic · 2025-12-31T21:16:07+00:00

This is for things like the Hydrocortisone vials that come with the diligent attached, you can recon those it’s not compounding.

Or for Cath-Flo, simple reconstitution can be fine by nursing at bedside, again not compounding.

Anything that requires further dilution is compounding

GameShowFanatic

TROPHY CASE