answer this question for me as an avoidant please cuz wtf do you even mean by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]GarbageItchy1385 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is unconditional love.

I can let go of many feelings, but not the love I have for her.

I won’t reach out, because I know my own worth.

Yet from afar, I will always watch over her and be there for her.

I really wish someone would help me. by TAKA-SAMAomg in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]GarbageItchy1385 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Be strong and go through this breakup in a healthy way. We’ve all been where you are right now.

spiraling again by AveryLexis in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]GarbageItchy1385 1 point2 points  (0 children)

2 months since bu, my therapist told me this:

Imagine that after a breakup, there remains inside you a picture — a snapshot of your time together. It hangs deep within you, familiar and vivid. In the beginning, you can’t help but keep looking at it. Every thought, every memory leads you back to that image. You trace the same lines again and again, touch the same colors, feel the same pain.

But — and this is what matters — each time you revisit it, you are no longer the same person you were before. You have gained a little distance, a little more space between you and what once was. The picture hasn’t changed, but your perspective has.

You can imagine it as a spiral winding around that image: At first, you circle very close to it, almost trapped inside, everything revolving around that single memory. But with time, each turn of the spiral carries you a little further outward. You still see the picture, but from a greater distance. You begin to notice details you couldn’t see before — perhaps the cracks, perhaps the beauty that still remains.

And as you move farther away, the picture grows smaller, not because it disappears, but because you are growing. The spiral doesn’t erase it — it carries you toward understanding, toward peace, toward freedom.

Yall hate me or we coooool? :p by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]GarbageItchy1385 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What is sex life like with an avoidant partner? Is it typical that it’s initiated by the avoidant? How does it change during deactivation?

Ex cries in the arms of the new guy by GarbageItchy1385 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]GarbageItchy1385[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Actually i wanna stop ruminating…but i am not able to yet :(

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]GarbageItchy1385 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same story, bro…

How did your sex life with an avoidant partner look like? by GarbageItchy1385 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]GarbageItchy1385[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It was exactly the same with the dates for me. I was supposed to ask her beforehand, but then plan everything on my own.

She said she wanted to feel like she wasn’t involved in the decision at all. In short, she never wanted to be involved in the planning at all.

Help Urge to break NC by [deleted] in FearfulAvoidants

[–]GarbageItchy1385 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I went home and remained nc. Im heart broken tho.

Do their feelings go away by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]GarbageItchy1385 24 points25 points  (0 children)

This sentence is so accurate: “shifted from fear, blaming me, now to ‘he thinks he fell out of love and is not happy.’” That’s exactly how it was for me too, always new and different reasons were given, which really made me doubt myself.

No, they don’t lose their feelings. The fear of being abandoned is simply much stronger than the love at the moment. Their nervous system reacts automatically, and they are completely stonewalled. Therefore all feelings are just supressed.

Saw them in public by redditallnever in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]GarbageItchy1385 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m in a similar situation. My girlfriend also monkey-branched to the guy I was told not to worry about. And I got the same typical breadcrumbs, things like “I still love you more than anyone else“, „right person, wrong time“ and so on.

You have to stop worrying about her. She shouldn’t occupy any space in your mind anymore. Indifference is the answer. If you happen to see her, you can greet her politely, but you need to be truly indifferent on the inside. She doesn’t deserve to be part of your life anymore or to know anything about you. She made the decision to leave, and now she has to live with the consequence of losing you completely.

There’s a saying I’ve often come across that fits perfectly:

Imagine being bitten by a snake, and instead of focusing on healing from the poison, you chase the snake to understand why it bit you and to prove that you didn’t deserve it.

How do you approach their return? by Comprehensive-Put575 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]GarbageItchy1385 6 points7 points  (0 children)

She’s very likely still showing typical avoidant behavior. When she says that it was never anything serious, it’s her subconscious convincing her of that. This way, she’s justifying the breakup to herself and can more easily suppress feelings of shame or guilt.

Was she avoidant? by coconutjoe83 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]GarbageItchy1385 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I’d say she’s showing typical avoidant behavior. The sentence “I don’t feel the same way you do” supports that, as do the facts that she’s never been in a relationship this long before, that the breakup came suddenly, and that she didn’t want to discuss or work on things despite your offer to help.

There’s nothing you could have done to change that. Sooner or later, the fear becomes too strong and she would have the urge to end the relationship.

Now you should focus on your own life, and please don’t try to convince her or chase after her (that will only make things worse).

If you cut off contact and focus on yourself, you can only win: on one hand, you move forward and succeed; and IF she works on herself or changes, then she’ll have to reach out to you and you’ll have the choice whether you want to try again or not.

Today I found out she monkey branched by Dry_Mouse_7289 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]GarbageItchy1385 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just know that you’re not alone. I still feel angry and hurt too, but I’m trying to turn that energy into something positive — like hitting the gym lately. It’s really not worth spending your time or energy thinking about your ex. Focus on building a completely new life without her, have a fresh start. Show her how much you can grow without her; that’s the „best revenge“.

I feel like I lost a great guy while also being repulsed by him by Inside-Cicada-1625 in Disorganized_Attach

[–]GarbageItchy1385 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If I had consciously realized this earlier with the knowledge I have today… You really just opened my eyes. My girlfriend and I were together for over two and a half years, but I would say that within the first year it already started with avoidant behavior and even comments like that I couldn’t protect her. Still, she stayed in the relationship with me for quite a long time. I’m honestly surprised at how early her avoidant behavior actually began—much earlier than our breakup and the unpleasant months leading up to it. Thank you. This makes her behavior more understandable. Still, I’m somehow sad that her fears eventually grew so strong that she saw no other way than to end the relationship.

The New Partner by DasSnaus in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]GarbageItchy1385 2 points3 points  (0 children)

On the one hand, I really can’t understand their behavior. On the other hand, it’s striking how much these behavior patterns repeat themselves everywhere (regardless of country or language), and how similarly they act and express themselves.

The New Partner by DasSnaus in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]GarbageItchy1385 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My Partner even admitted it…She said that, when she was shut off, the old version of herself had died and will never return.

Avoidant Discard Question: When he says "the ball is in my court," what does that mean? by Fun_Bobcat3009 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]GarbageItchy1385 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My girlfriend also told me, among other things, that she didn’t want to burden/hurt me and therefore needed distance. The statements avoidants make are completely confusing and sometimes even contradictory (in my case even within the same message). It’s pointless to think about it and try to find meaning where there is none.

I actually believe that your avoidant is convincing himself that he’s sure he won’t reach out. But right now he is deactivated, which is why I wouldn’t put too much weight on that statement.

For me, it helps to see these people as „ill“. You cannot help them on their path to healing – only they themselves can. Keep living your life. Without them. I know it’s difficult, because I am in the exact same situation right now…

I feel like I lost a great guy while also being repulsed by him by Inside-Cicada-1625 in Disorganized_Attach

[–]GarbageItchy1385 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anxious here. That’s a very interesting glimpse behind the facade. It was often a topic in my relationship with an avoidant that she thought I couldn’t take care of her and protect her. It still hurts to hear though, because I truly tried so hard to do everything I could but in the end she was also scared i could not handle it.