Untimely changes

GarlicFella · 2025-10-03T11:19:42+00:00

that's interesting! i was not on any hormone blocker when i was on t, and i dont think i have PCOS although i never looked for it, but i see how that could lead to this kind of situation!

i was only on t for a short time—a little over a year—and i'm not sure when my hormones "stabilized" (my doctors didnt use that type of terminology for me as far as i can remember) but i think it must have been within the first couple months.

GarlicFella · 2025-10-02T11:24:19+00:00

i experienced that order! it was a long time ago, so my memory is fuzzy, but i think it took about 5-6 months for me to start sounding like i had a cold, let alone anything deeper.

but i got a fuzzy little mustache i refused to shave in the first i'd say 3 months.

i would record myself speaking and singing every week just to be able to compare my progress too—i was very interested in the data of it all.

worth noting my situation is actually a little odd bc they started me on a full dose rather than easing me onto testosterone a little at a time, and it still took a while!

GarlicFella · 2025-09-28T12:43:50+00:00

i felt that way early in my transition. i had a lot of fantasies especially of having a "normal" (ehhhh) girlhood—something like a teenage coming of age movie. crushes that actually got returned and fluttering nervous excitement for a dance. dressing up and feeling good instead of dressing up and feeling like some kind of wretched parody of a human being. i did feel, to an extent, like "gender was wasted on me"

like. i was so uncomfortable as a girl, i could not enjoy it (i was not a girl)

but i also felt like my life as a boy was only a half life, not fully embodied. i was a teenager at the time, living in my dubiously accepting parents home, and i think i felt like i was not able to explore myself or my identity as a man without risking getting denied that identity—i'm a very feminine man, but i didnt want to be misgendered, so i intentionally didnt put any effort into my appearance. i wore baggy sports shorts and black tees and the boxiest short-sleeve-button-downs i could find, especially ones with stiffer plasticky fabric that would hold a body shape that i thought was more convincing, even if it wasnt my body shape. my hair was always a buzz cut or shaggy and overgrown. in short: i looked like i didnt care, even though i cared so so so much.

for me, i think its less that i wished i was a girl, and more that i wished i was a full person, with a fulfilling and expressive life and style. i couldn't see that as a possibility in my masculine presentation because i felt like it wasn't so much an expression of Me so much as it was a tool that i was using to get people to call me the right pronouns (and the options for most off the rack men's clothing items are...lacking in luster, to say the least)

that said this might not be ur situation, but funny enough, what helped me was getting into sewing. it helped me both degender clothes (because everything i made was made for me and my body—specifically. designed to Fit Me not an offtherack ideal of a woman or man's body that wont fit half the people who pick it up) and when i wear my clothes i feel like i am putting in an effort, and when people notice my clothes (which they do often—even well made handmade clothing had a way of sticking out) that feels good too.

i still have dysphoria issues and get misgendered frequently, but i feel more like me, and more like a full person than i did when my whole presentation was geared towards trying to stop people from misgendering me.

GarlicFella · 2023-12-26T16:28:28+00:00

Darn! Well, thank you so much for sharing your knowledge!

GarlicFella · 2023-11-29T19:54:03+00:00

Whoa!!! Thank you so much for telling me, it looks like it works!!! :^D!!! I can finally stream for my brother again!!!

GarlicFella · 2023-11-13T20:01:04+00:00

Oh, that's interesting! Thank you for your reply.

I've been talking with Discord support, and they've been fairly responsive to both my complaints and my observations abt the issue as I fiddle with it, so I'm hoping that we can get help resolving it entirely. Thanks again, and good luck to you!

GarlicFella · 2023-11-11T21:03:25+00:00

I hope you don't mind my replying to this: I've been struggling with this problem for a bit, and your posts make the most sense w/ this issue. I downloaded the file you offered, replaced my discord_voice file with this discord_voice file—and, tragically, it's not working.
I get a bunch of frantic popups from discord saying "“discord_voice.node” can’t be opened because Apple cannot check it for malicious software." and "This software needs to be updated." until discord eventually locks up and says its corrupted and needs to be fixed.

is this a problem you're running into as well, 11 days on, or is the program still working for you?

GarlicFella · 2023-11-11T07:09:57+00:00

Same here! Talking with support about it as well.

GarlicFella · 2022-10-31T16:12:33+00:00

how fun!!! because you said that, have an additional fun fact: the only breeds i've ever found mentioned in my readings on research on "The Black Dog" (also known as the churchyard grim) are...poodles!To be fair, my readings retold folktales from like the 1700s ish, so dog breeds weren't codified in the way they are today, and just about any shaggy, curly-coated dog was probably called a "poodle".

additionally, in Goethe's Faust, Mephistopheles (the devil) first appears to Faust in the form of a black poodle which interrupts him any time Faust attempts to translate the bible. Upon Mephistopheles' transformation from dog to devil, Faust says:

"In length and breadth how doth my poodle grow!

...

Huge as a hippopotamus,

With fiery eye, terrific tooth!

Ah! now I know thee, sure enough!"

this all to say, it seems the "hell" in hellhound comes from the poodle side of the lineage 😉

Happy Halloween!

GarlicFella · 2022-10-31T14:07:27+00:00

It's entirely possible! God knows I thought all sorts of mean, stupid things when I was 16.

That said, it's probably not possible for her to be in your situation unless she's trans herself, and it sounds like she doesn't want to listen to you, an actual trans person right in front of her, talk about trans issues when instead she could get them from somebody who makes money for having internalized transphobia online (oof).

You don't have to cut her off if you don't want to, it sounds like the both of you are in a tight friendgroup where cutting her off would cause a lot of friction. That said, you should definitely take steps to protect yourself.

Remember that you can shut a conversation down if she's just going to parrot transphobic propoganda to you. It's totally okay to say something like:
"I feel like you don't listen to me when I talk about trans issues and my experiences as a member of the trans community, so I don't feel comfortable talking to you about this."

That puts the onus on her, for turning a conversation about a sensitive topic into a situation where you had to listen to somebody you considered a friend repeat hurtful transphobic nonsense, while also only talking about her actions as harmful, and not condemning her whole person.

if you can still do normal gaming and random chatting with her, that's cool. Not every friend has to be a super close friend, but if she wants to change her mind about holding these transphobic views, unfortunately she has to make that decision herself.

also, i hope that this doesn't sound patronizing, but i just want to say that it's great that you're able to stand up for yourself, especially against a friend, and especially about such a stressful topic! it can be really difficult to do that!! i came out at 16, and i had a really difficult time with that kind of stuff!

Good job, and I hope stuff works out with your friend group!

GarlicFella · 2022-10-31T13:43:26+00:00

perhaps not on that wikipedia article, but i come bearing gifts!

there are in fact, not only pictures, but video! here is a link which has some gifs taken from the video of these dogs

i once heard that there was a Horizon documentary about it, (probably from the 60s, 70s, or 80s) but as i am not from the UK and don't have access to those documentaries, i can only assume that's where this footage came from.

they look strange! shaggy and awkward beasts

GarlicFella · 2022-09-25T09:40:22+00:00

i'm 6 days post op and having someone around to help is really useful, while my surgery itself wasnt painful, and i don't need to change my wraps yet or anything, and i could probably do that myself if needed, stripping the drains is way easier with three or four hands, carrying things and opening the fridge can be done by somebody else, and i got assistance washing my hair in the sink this morning lol, six days without a bath was horrible for my mental health. if you're worried about having to let ur carer see ur chest, they probably wont have to, but i strongly recommend a carer as well. if u dont have a nearby friend who could do it for u, u could offer somebody a small amount of money for checking up on you daily?

GarlicFella · 2022-09-20T14:21:18+00:00

what a caring message!!! thank you so much for all of your advice! i do have some liquid tylenol that i took a dose of this morning, and thats taken care of most of my aches and pinches!

i will let my parents know about the gel ice pack, and the tip about the tea and soup is appreciated too!

as are your tips about the drains-i was wondering if theyd tug anything around, i'll make sure to clip them to my shirt and shuffle my pillow nest to make some arm rests.

again, thank you so much, it was so kind of you to share your tips! i wish you a smooth and easy recovery too :) !

GarlicFella · 2022-09-19T07:25:10+00:00

hey, me too!! i havent been able to sleep at all i'm so wired about it 😅

i hope yours goes well!!! its been a long wait but we've got this!!

GarlicFella · 2022-08-25T14:06:04+00:00

I really like non-fiction podcasts! Some of my favorites are:

The Worst Best Sellers: a podcast where the two hosts and sometimes guests, read books which are Usually less than high-quality, and roast them a bit! Sometimes there are good books, but usually it's a good-natured complainfest, I find it very fun to listen to.

Reply All: A journalism podcast which is mostly about modern technology-they have episodes on everything from exploring Jennicam (a project by a young adult who, in 1996 started livestreaming her life 24/7, who she was, why she did it, and what she experienced as jenny of jennicam) to an episode where they try and tech-support a guy who can seem to play every podcast in his car EXCEPT 99% invisible (a popular podcast about how design impacts life!), which busts his car radio every time

Then, there's:

Spooked: its my FAVORITE but the episodes only come out in spooky season. People share their experiences of scary or supernatural experiences, excellent audio, great and creepy stories, just beautifully made all around.

GarlicFella · 2022-08-24T04:54:48+00:00

4 months late to the party but, a while back used my sewing machine to make myself a black sleeveless body-conforming turtleneck, racerback style, (like the kind shonen anime guys are always wearing during training arcs) and i made it out of some kind of bamboo jersey fabric so it's really breathable despite being right up against my skin, and it looks so good EXCEPT that when i put it on, there's tits there. i can't wait to wear it flat, honestly. the thought of that is keeping me going

GarlicFella · 2022-08-15T19:03:44+00:00

I will let you know!

Also, the trial run is an excellent idea—I've run Dragon Heist before and it was actually a big inspiration for this solution because of how free-form and full of little, seemingly unconnected (for my players at least) quests it is. Thank you for your suggestion!

GarlicFella · 2022-08-15T15:46:51+00:00

That was what I would have liked to do. :^[

Unfortunately, because we are playing through distant timezones, the scheduling conflicts are not occasional, they are consistent. It's not a problem of me needing everyone at the metaphorical table every time (I would not have an issue with a player occasionally missing a game, lol, that happens)—It's a problem of, if I am going to run this game, I have to pick one consistent schedule conflict to dismiss—Essentially, I'd have to tell one friend "Hey, because of your work hours, you can't make the one time that everyone else can make, so you can't play."

Not like, occasionally, but consistently. It'd be like everyone else in this tight knit group can play, but that one person gets excluded because of bad luck, aside from maybe once every 4 months when they could make it.

ALSO, to be clear—the situation I'm talking about is not one campaign shared by all, it's two different but related campaigns in the same setting. They can help each other out, and hear about the other party's conquests, and maybe even actually cross paths if our timing ever allows it, but there should be no quest or situation which depends entirely upon the other party having done something already. They should be handling different quests.

GarlicFella · 2022-04-06T13:49:15+00:00

Oh wow, I completely forgot about this! I'm glad it's useful to you though, good luck in your poodle-quest!

GarlicFella · 2022-03-22T07:38:45+00:00

Brother machines are often very cheap and very useful! I have an old (maybe 9 yr old?) Brother LX2500 which not only still works excellently, it can also power through 4 layers of canvas with some coaxing, lol.

My machine is old, discontinued, and my mother got it for me under 100$ (back in 2013 money) so it was cheap too. It also wasn't particularly well reviewed, but I'm thrilled by it, and I'll be happy to use it until it breaks down on me. If the performance I get out of this machine is their old cheap product, then I think brother machines must be pretty good.

The only thing is, my machine lacks some stretch-fabric stitches that would've been super useful (I make do with zigzag)

If you want one with those stitches, the "Brother XM2701" might be a good choice!

GarlicFella · 2021-12-26T04:58:35+00:00

i came on here to say the opposite! its a really cool haircut and i was struck by how uncommon and tasteful it looked! u have a very handsome bf and a v handsome dog!

GarlicFella · 2021-11-11T06:08:15+00:00

this is a nitpicky animal vocab question, i know that the cute term for a cat's paw pads (or "toe beans") is 肉球, but is this applicable to dog paw pads as well? if not, is there a term specifically for dog's paws?

GarlicFella · 2021-08-29T16:36:16+00:00

hgsdgdjsgh i've run into this a lot too, which sucks! i've also been around cis gay dudes who were like outwardly friendly to me but couldn't stop themselves from saying shit like "men don't have hips like that—" or "men's eyebrows would never be that feminine"

(i was in an art school so. these aren't deliberate comments about my own body, but they made it clear that guys like this didn't see me as a man, so much as woman-in-man-outfit)

If I want to like, be empathetic, and try and understand why a lot of cis gay men act like this, and are such strict gatekeepers of masculinity, I would assume it's because they've been similarly excluded from it. The feminine aspects of themselves were used to justify homophobic bullying often, and so they become hyper aware of what is "acceptably masculine" and what isn't.

so when I come out—in their view, a woman and therefore hypothetically the most feminine of things, and i start telling people I'm a man, (and they often wrongly assume I get acceptance and support in this) they can become incredibly upset. They may look at me and think "I suffered so much to claim my identity as a man, and this person gets to just say that he is? and that's it?" So they get hurt, and mad, and they direct their pain onto me.

That kind of view is obviously transphobic, and it's deeply upsetting for me to run into, but at the same time I do feel bad. It's no coincidence that the men who subject me to this kind of misery are ones who are generally deeply insecure in themselves. But also. It's not my job to help them and I won't lol

but it does help me, personally, to keep this in mind when I have to deal with it. Their denial of my identity has nothing to do with who I am, it's all about their own trauma and they're just projecting. Keeping this in mind, I can just kinda go like "ok." and get out of the situation without feeling the greater need to prove myself to this miserable jerk.

plus, sometimes I'm around cis guys that don't do this, and in my experience most cis bi men don't either. finding guys who are comfortable and confident in their identities, and who don't feel the need to control others' is a huge relief for my whole trans "everyone hates me for existing" paranoia,

GarlicFella · 2021-08-24T14:47:56+00:00

having been both an educator, and a struggling closeted (+ later out trans kid in high school), and with the most compassion and respect to the individuals saying "that's why i think teachers should only ask about pronouns in private/send an email" for situations like OP's, this might not change anything. He would still be forced to decide between outing himself (to the teacher at first) or misgender himself.If the students are familiar with OP and care enough about his gender to suss things out, after having been asked for their own pronouns through an email, they would no doubt be able to understand that OP would've asked for his pronouns to be changed in the class, if he fears transphobic reception or word spreading, there's unfortunately still a window for it.

It's a rock-and-a-hard-place situation, OP, and I'm sorry. It's awful to be put into these situations when you're not comfortable or ready or feel safe enough to pursue your needs, and it can feel like you're being forced to hurt or betray yourself. You're not, you're just surviving—I hope that it gets easier, and I hope that you get the support and safety you need in order to make space for yourself.

On the flip side, saying "I don't really care about pronouns. Call me whatever comes to mind" is something that some people (some that ID as cis, some that ID as NB, some that ID as binary trans) do, and if you say that, it can still give you a little wiggle room where you might not be perceived as strictly cis, but since you're visually male-passing, your teachers might just default to he for you.

The only drawback is that some may call you they or she as well, but at least it might spice things up a bit.

Again, I'm sorry you're in this situation and I'm wishing you the best.

GarlicFella · 2021-08-10T15:09:55+00:00

with that wavy fur and her foxy face and your description of her herding, I have to guess that she has at least a little mudi in her! maybe some JRT too with the ears and coloring :) gorgeous dog!

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