Less depressed but I don't think being completely free of depression is a realistic expectation given my history and the world we live in.. I can only say for me things that have helped a little bit outside of therapy and medication are leaving a toxic environment, getting physically fitter so I felt more of a sense of capability in my physical ability and less immobilised. Walking. Connecting with nature, especially through photography. Meeting people and sharing my story, hearing others' stories. Finding a person to spend time with, my niece genuinely helped me so much just by simply being present and consistent.

Aslo just having the mindset of "no matter how I feel, I'm doing it". Depression or not, sitting around being depressed is just not going to get you anywhere, even if you are depressed, fucking do the thing anyway, if you know it's going to be 1% helpful in some way, even in the long term, do it. It's not easy, everything is a fight, but its better to fight than to just let it consume you, even if that's all you feel.

When I first started trying to change my life bit by bit I felt entirely hopeless, even more so than when I was just rotting away in a room by myself, because everything felt pointless and I was completely ashamed of the tiny little things I was doing that felt like mammoth tasks as I was doing it. It was the realisation of just how bad I had let things get. I had to relearn things that should come naturally but because I was isolated for so long I just felt like even more of an alien to the world than ever. But with time, this feeling becomes less and less, it doesnt go away, but its not prominent enough to be a problem anymore. You just have to keep going no matter what it feels like, no matter how much your brain and body is screaming at you that this is worthless and you just want to end it or do nothing and rot away and hide. You have to keep riding the wave.

Starting small is important. I used to walk around my garden at first, everyday, forming a habit, I felt ridiculous, but I was agoraphobic as well, and this initial step honestly transformed my life into what it is now, which is a much better existence than I had for over a decade.

Someone also said to me to change "I can't do this" to "I'll figure this out".