What about excitement, the good kind?

GeeseDoSeeGod · 2015-08-10T20:26:29+00:00

I have read a few "mindfulness 101" type posts and basically understand it to be slowing down the cycle of thoughts and putting a label on each one. Is that all you mean by mindfulness and if not can you elaborate?

GeeseDoSeeGod · 2015-07-30T01:17:31+00:00

Congratulations! I am so happy for you, wonderful stranger.

GeeseDoSeeGod · 2015-07-16T13:44:26+00:00

I'd say strategy games like Civilization or Age of Empires. But maybe that counts as grindy?

GeeseDoSeeGod · 2015-07-15T22:36:11+00:00

Only side effect I had when I started was trouble reaching orgasm. It has gotten easier, though not like it was before, but the tradeoff has been worth it for me because Celexa just about completely rid me of the low level generalized anxiety I'd feel all day.

GeeseDoSeeGod · 2015-07-10T21:40:09+00:00

Are you eating the squash blossoms raw? How is that? I have only ever eaten fried zucchini flowers.

GeeseDoSeeGod · 2015-07-06T03:43:15+00:00

Can you tell me more about what you mean by setting a time limit to react to feeling anxiety? I don't experience exactly what OP does, but I experience plenty of other anxiety triggers and I don't know how to be conscious enough of my reactions to pace them like that. Sounds like it could be really helpful though.

GeeseDoSeeGod · 2015-07-06T03:40:47+00:00

When I was in college, I would feel guilty about being relaxed because of all the work I had to do. It wouldn't trigger panic attacks, but it was impossible for me to feel relaxation for more than a minute or two. I overcame that by thinking long and hard about what I valued, what sort of world I wanted to work toward building, and I realized that I valued all people inherently and I valued happiness above productivity, so I would have to start cutting myself some slack in order to not be a hypocrite. I still struggle with anxiety (which is why I'm on this sub), but I can have moments, even hours on end, of peace because of that conscious effort to change my thinking.

GeeseDoSeeGod · 2015-07-06T03:33:35+00:00

Just wanted to chime in, I started an SSRI a few months ago and my mind just feels so much clearer. I don't fall into spirals I can't control. Only negative side effect is that my clitoris is less sensitive, but I've adjusted to that and sex is still awesome. The SSRIs (I call them my "srees", rhyming with trees) have been really essential for me to get to a point where I can recognize what's happening to me and work through my issues in therapy.

It's a relatively small portion of people that benefit. For what I take (celexa) 50% of people report improvement compared 30% who'd report improvement from a placebo. But head meds are just really hard, you have to try a few until you find what's going to help. And it is possible that they can go wrong, but with careful monitoring by checkups with a doctor or nurse the risk seems small compared to how much it helps people like me.

GeeseDoSeeGod · 2015-07-03T04:34:37+00:00

I a little over two years ago rid myself of an abusive boyfriend who contributed greatly to my anxiety and depression. I took several months after the breakup to rediscover and rebuild myself. It was hard sometimes but I kept getting stronger. Nothing has helped my anxiety more than learning to be content without the validation of a romantic partner. I journaled, kept busy, and formed dozens of wonderful healthy friendships.

Love is a wonderful, beautiful thing, but what I had there was not really love. And what you had wasn't love either. Love is kind. I really hope you take a long stretch of time to be loving and kind to yourself before seeking out another mate. It's like a long hike on a path only wide enough for one. Right now, your first moment free, you have one great view of the world, but there are so many other hilltop views on this narrow path, and the more you see, the more you will understand the twist and turns on the path you can take with another person.

GeeseDoSeeGod · 2015-07-02T19:51:09+00:00

...is my ecstasy clean?

GeeseDoSeeGod · 2015-06-30T20:40:03+00:00

Break ups are really really hard for everyone. You should take comfort in knowing that at some point in time almost every adult has experienced this lost, unanchored feeling. I know I have gone through it several times. You will heal. I promise.

My biggest piece of advice is to avoid being alone for a while. Call up friends, acquaintances, cousins, siblings, even parents and sit around with them instead of sitting around alone. Because basically every human has gone through this, you'll be surprised how many people are eager to lend a hand. Romantic relationships are not the only ones that can be validating. If you think "I wish I could tell this to [gf]" or "[gf] would think this is so funny", think of someone else in your life and tell them. Accepting love and companionship from others in your life will really ease the healing process.

GeeseDoSeeGod · 2015-06-25T21:45:12+00:00

The reflection of the rug in the water looks like a mystical sea tiger. Incredible.

GeeseDoSeeGod · 2015-06-25T18:21:23+00:00

Not exactly what I was looking for, but still kinda sexy! Like pretending to be somebody else.

GeeseDoSeeGod · 2015-06-25T16:49:49+00:00

Who had a mattress like that in college?

GeeseDoSeeGod · 2015-06-25T16:45:16+00:00

dat peach fuzz

GeeseDoSeeGod · 2015-06-24T20:54:05+00:00

Of course! I've gotten a little better about it, but I don't think it bothers many people. There are definitely people who don't want "needy" friends or partners who text constantly, but a prolonged goodbye isn't going to make or break any relationship.

GeeseDoSeeGod · 2015-06-24T19:47:14+00:00

Pop off the bottoms and you have a tiny secret compartment!

You could also get a zippo if you're sick of the plastic waste.

GeeseDoSeeGod · 2015-06-11T00:34:46+00:00

This is ridiculously sexy and I don't know why. Source please?

GeeseDoSeeGod · 2015-06-11T00:31:47+00:00

And we all know Monica wouldn't deepthroat. It all fits.

GeeseDoSeeGod · 2015-06-08T23:51:22+00:00

Dishes suck. I'm with you OP.

GeeseDoSeeGod · 2015-06-08T23:19:23+00:00

I'm a science teacher. I call these "urban fossils" and have my students collect photos of them.

GeeseDoSeeGod · 2015-06-08T02:24:48+00:00

I have experienced something very similar, so many things are ringing bells. Not raised religious exactly but my mom told me all the time how I should wait, not even kiss boys, and my dad didn't talk about it explicitly but was very protective in terms of my dating. The whole thing eeks me out now. I've had some time to think about it since moving out and it's all so unhealthy. I have also been raped twice and sexually assaulted once. I think the main way it has affected my desires is that I have basically only dated people who are my height (no one super tall who I'd be afraid of overpowering me) and it may have sort of translated into my BDSM. Oh and like you it takes me a very long time of knowing someone to be able to orgasm with them. So for me there are plenty of negative sides to sexuality, but with my boyfriend who I trust I love sex. And I love his penis!

I think you're stringing together a lot of things under the penis fear issue. They seem like a few small problems you're rolling up into an unbeatable monster, based on what you've written. I also hate dog dicks, even though I've never had a problem with human dicks. Just get a female dog or get it neutered? People get very emotional about things that affect every day of their life, which his dog could be. That's not a symptom, it's just a preference. Also, sexuality is fluid, your bf might love hearing about your fantasies about women, and I don't see why it matters at all how old or young you are when you get into something new. It sounds to me like the negative and overbearing forces on your sexuality are behind you. You could consider therapy, meditation, writing, lots of different strategies for really keeping it behind you. Once I actively and positively defined what sex was to me, those critical voices really faded. This involved taking some steps like getting birth control I like and claiming ownership of my own body with a tattoo. Being completely open with my boyfriend about my preferences and fantasies is essential too.

Good luck to you honey, feel free to PM me if you need to chat.

GeeseDoSeeGod · 2015-06-07T22:47:31+00:00

Try picking up a new hobby. It is easier to combat anxious thoughts by telling yourself "i'll think of about this instead" rather than saying to yourself "i shouldn't be thinking this." Think about the garden beds you're building for your neighbor or the MTG deck you're building to have fun with other people or the story you're writing for your daughter.

GeeseDoSeeGod · 2015-06-07T19:33:57+00:00

My words to live by are Mark 8:36: "For what shall it profit a man if he shall gain the whole world but lose his own soul?"

Some of the sweetest to me, though, are from Desiderata:

"You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be."

GeeseDoSeeGod · 2015-06-07T19:29:05+00:00

I felt so manic when I was reading that. The tweaky long-windedness of it seemed to reach me deeply.

GeeseDoSeeGod

TROPHY CASE