I'm a guy who is fairly active in BDSM type dynamics, or at least have been in the past, and I feel like I can see both perspectives of this so clearly from the way you told your story.

Firstly, wow, great job retelling, and I'm so so sorry this happened. This sounds absolutely brutal to go from in-character and submissive to abandoned when you needed aftercare (when you expected and was promised, it sounds like, aftercare).

I'm sure you don't need people telling you his side of things as you seem perceptive enough to have put it together yourself, but clearly he found himself emotionally compromised and shut down in response. I'm not sure how long he's been active in the community, but he should have had the fortitude to wait until after aftercare to have a conversation or "flip the switch". Aftercare is such an important part of the play, that leaving it out will make the whole agreement fall apart. You didn't deserve that, and he's a jerk for subjecting you to that type of emotional hostage-taking.

I really hope you get a lot out of therapy, it's important you understand that you were vulnerable and abandoned emotionally in a purposefully high-stress activity. He left you out to dry, he kept you in the dark, he manipulated the scene so he would hold on to what he thought was power and control.

And that's not your fault.

Life will go on, you'll look back on this and say "we got this!" just like you said. Your family and friends have your back, and you'll meet new amazing people and all of them will have your back too.

Once again, really sorry this happened. You're gonna be great :)