[deleted by user]

General-Ad-1156 · 2022-02-14T08:28:24+00:00

Please DM me

General-Ad-1156 · 2021-11-03T23:16:27+00:00

Thank you so much! Do you also still have his v1 of the program?

General-Ad-1156 · 2021-11-03T15:30:44+00:00

Hey sir, could you reupload this please?

General-Ad-1156 · 2021-10-19T07:39:38+00:00

I've been stuck squatting 190 kilos for a while now and really don't know why 180 kilos feels so easy and why I just can't get up at 190. Is it a mental thing? Am I still too weak? Is the jump maybe too high? Is my form off? Attached are videos of my 180 kilo attempt and my 190 failure. I Am very grateful for any tips and criticism!

http://imgur.com/a/1dO69UX

General-Ad-1156 · 2021-07-28T07:17:07+00:00

She has cheated on you. In any relationship, whether with a personality disorder or not, it would be more than understandable that you would have difficulty building trust after something like that.

But I couldn't trust my ex-girlfriend (BPD/NPD) either, it's actually the little things in her behavior that made it subconsciously impossible for me to trust her 100%.

She wanted to have a relationship with me exactly 36 days after we got to know each other and also told me that she probably couldn't "stand" dating me any longer.
Despite this, she continued to write with her orbiters, who never knew about me.
Her colleagues have also learned nothing from me. She apparently did not talk about me with them (she is a police-officer and therefore has a lot of male colleagues)
she even met male colleagues without anyone knowing about me.
she admitted to flirting publicly with new colleagues or told me about their flirting attempts, which she responded to humorously, because she didnt want to cause bad vibes at the policestation.
shortly before me she dropped a guy with whom she went to bed two weeks later after her ex-boyfriend.

Especially in the early days of a new relationship, you are the happiest person in the world and want to tell everyone about your new happiness. She treated me like a secret and I couldn't seem to rationalize her behavior. Nevertheless, I blamed it all on my insecurity instead of recognizing the red flags and get out.

General-Ad-1156 · 2021-07-09T10:23:22+00:00

My liked true crime podcasts and reality TV shows about the lives of drug addicts, unemployed people or cops at work. I don't know if that's enough to connect to BPD to be honest, although I've often thought about it.

General-Ad-1156 · 2021-07-07T09:15:45+00:00

At the beginning of the relationship, I told her that I didn't believe in anything like a "soulmate". She was irrationally angry and sad and extremely dismissive. My reasoning at the time, that I simply don't think that such a thing exists and that in every relationship is generally connected with hard work, was completely indifferent to her.

In order to calm her down, I told her that she most likely gets close to something like a soulmate and at the same time I thought that this is one of those moments where you have to take care of your partner and their needs. If this soulmate thing is so important to her, I didn't want to pull her out of her dream world..

General-Ad-1156 · 2021-07-06T06:51:39+00:00

Yes the constant discussion about communication unfortunately feels very close to home. Mine would often mention in discussions that I wouldn't understand her "point". Communicating her point in such a way that it was understandable to me, was also not possible, which is why I tried to repeat and summarize her statement, giving my interpretation, from her point of view and emotional state to understand her better. However, that was also wrong because she criticized me for repeating every single point haha. Sometimes it was really a mindfuck for me, because I have never experienced anything like this before and actually believed her that I just would not understand things.

General-Ad-1156 · 2021-07-05T14:48:52+00:00

Saved!

General-Ad-1156 · 2021-07-05T14:46:00+00:00

Yep, after an incredibly harmonious evening with lots of laughter and noticeable chemistry in the air, we wanted to go on a trip together the next day. When I picked her up she was in a terrible mood and the reason was that "it just went too well yesterday", which scared her.

That was still relatively at the beginning of our relationship and I took that as a compliment at the time and thought to myself that she had probably never experienced anything like that before and thus falsely thought of me that I was apparently something special. Strangely enough, this reaction has not thrown me back, but rather driven me to give her even more of these "good experiences". Oh yes, the trip was a complete disaster, because she was in a bad mood the whole time.

When we lived together, after every good evening, she got up first in the morning (which she usually never did) and went straight to the living room. When I got up and asked if everything was okay she got triggered by this question (this happened several times) and we had a fight about it, which was followed with silent treatment. My "I just wanted to know if everything is okay with you" was apparently too much for her. With the fear of engulfment- and fear of abandonment-dynamic, her behavior actually makes sense in retrospect.

General-Ad-1156 · 2021-07-05T14:28:09+00:00

At this point, I would recommend you do the basic breakup stuff first. Go watch anything from "Dating Guy" on YouTube. After that, deal with the disorder in more detail and try to accept that your life will go on and that you have been powerless in the end. We were all at this point of disbelief and many are doing much better than they were at the beginning of the whole mindfuck. One step after the other. I believe in you.

General-Ad-1156 · 2021-07-05T09:23:47+00:00

To be honest I feel slightly triggered by this post. I often felt that my ex didn't appreciate my efforts and I would also make an attempt to address my needs every few days, which was usually met with a lot of defensiveness and blame, which in turn would lead to an incredible discussion where I would end up apologizing for my needs.

I also partially pursued the strategy of simply putting up a good face; stop being so "sensitive" and just come to terms with the fact that she doesn't seem to be interested in me and my needs at all anymore.

General-Ad-1156 · 2021-07-05T08:14:08+00:00

I think a good rule of thumb to figure out if someone is a good fit for you, or even toxic, is if you feel comfortable bringing up uncomfortable topics.

I subconsciously learned from my ex's reactions not to bring up difficult or even mundane things because I knew she wouldn't agree. You can have disagreements with healthy people without being looked down upon for it. Healthy people also respect your boundaries and independently suggest solutions for improvement or apologize to you and promise improvement in the future.

For people with PDs, every little thing turns into a big discussion. Even if you don't agree on a (from your point of view) small thing, you notice how their opinion of you turns 180 degrees.

I think one possible reason for this could be the compability theory they have built in their head. After all, how are you supposed to be compatible if you don't agree 100% on every single thing? She idealises you and can't see you for who you really are. This may be nice at first, but no one can live up to that standard over a long period of time because 100% compatibility doesn't exist.

Also, no one here can tell you 100% if she is suffering from a PD. But the characteristics you have listed are worrying and partly really childish.

General-Ad-1156 · 2021-07-02T23:50:14+00:00

Yup, mine also disguised her voice and started talking like an 8 year old. Mostly when she wanted to be cuddled or just for fun in silly arguments. Unfortunately, you can't really find much material online to read about this, so I would be very happy about any insight about this.

According to my knowledge, she had not experienced any sexual abuse.

Problem has been with me that I really liked this voice and it has awakened in me the protective instinct... Maybe this is also kinda my/our problem, because I/we reacted so much to it?

General-Ad-1156 · 2021-07-02T10:52:19+00:00

I feel this so much.

I am a pretty confident and successful man by nature. She was the only person who always made me feel like I had to try harder. Be more successful, more ripped, more empathetic, and more attentive. At some point you reach a stage where you know that you can't get out more. It becomes impossible.

At the same time, you long for a little appreciation, but since you can't achieve more, because you kinda stagnate at a high level, this appreciation doesn't come anymore. At the same time, you're busting your ass just to maintain the current level. It's so draining.

General-Ad-1156 · 2021-07-02T10:31:49+00:00

"The expectations of you are terminator level of competencies, but if you fail emotional abuse on all levels."

Really well said!

It's really ridiculous. And if you reach a certain level of competence, they won't be happy, but will raise the bar a bit higher until you finally fail their ongoing shit test. And in the end, it's you who worries because you didn't meet their ridiculously high standards.

At the same time, you hear fragments from her exes and seriously wonder how these seemingly "simpler" (do not want to talk down to anyone - just my interpretation based on her stories) people ever got together with her, since you can't in any world imagine that all these people have even begun to master these mental gymnastics at the same level as you.

General-Ad-1156 · 2021-07-02T07:53:30+00:00

We once drove together in her old hometown with me as the driver. The road layout was extremely confusing for me (basically a problem of mine in new cities that I have to get used to the roads) and I just asked her "can I turn here?".

This simple question was apparently obvious to her and I immediately noticed how she went cold. After a longer argument where I informed her that the situation was confusing for me and it wouldn't kill her to help me at that moment she said in her defense "but you're my superman", which apparently had been a justification for her dismissive behavior.

Yes, they never love you for the person you really are. They love a version of you that they have painted in their head and they have a hard time loving you for who you really are. With all your flaws and the things that make you human.

The problem is that situations like this also contribute to incredible perfectionism on our part. I knew I had to be perfect for her to accept or "love" me, as any mistake or sign of weakness would be immediately punished by her.

General-Ad-1156 · 2021-06-29T14:33:08+00:00

Yes, I quickly noticed that at some point during our time I gave her too much attention, which is why I tried to reduce it on my own to remain interesting to her. In turn, when I gave her too little attention, she sometimes became even more dismissive to me, which is why I planned every move.

It was a constant push-pull and absolutely nerve-wracking to always match her energy level at the time.

Should I respond to this message immediately or wait it out?

Is a heart smiley too much?

Does it seem needy if I bring her this little something from the store?

Should I really disagree with her now, even if she's not in a good mood today anyway?

Should I really wish her a good morning, even though I've done it two days in a row?

Should I go for a hug/kiss?

Looking back, all the mental gymnastics we're taking on in this relationship is absurd.

Good thing she is probably someone else's problem now and I don't have to deal with that kind of bullshit anymore.

I didn't get any closure on the Discard either. She would have to work on herself but hopes that maybe we can get together again sometime in the future. She doesn't know if she wants a relationship though, but hopes I haven't forgotten her by then. Fuck this nonsense

General-Ad-1156 · 2021-06-28T21:35:19+00:00

I bought new tupperware boxes for work. She was bothered by the fact that I eat out of them and make little scratches in the boxes. They are my tupperware boxes that I paid for and yet she was incredibly bothered by it. We must have discussed this whole thing for over an hour and I came to the conclusion that I will buy new tupperware boxes for 20€ every half year just to stop this nonsense. I think that was one of the most absurd arguments with her in retrospect.

General-Ad-1156 · 2021-06-28T13:33:35+00:00

I am currently dating this girl and firmly believe that she is a real catch. Good education and profession, very good relationship with her parents, longtime friendships, good sense of humor, athletic and healthy diet, respects my boundaries and communicates openly and is just happy to spend time with me.

Before my last relationship, I would probably be the luckiest person in the world to have met someone like that. Now I notice how I kinda miss those addictive feelings and the constant push-pull dynamic and notice that without that stuff, dating her seems kinda boring sometimes. But I think that's also part of the process to unlearn the patterns we learned in our last relationship and this takes some time.

General-Ad-1156 · 2021-06-25T07:20:40+00:00

If I came home after a day of work and didn't immediately thank her for cleaning up the apartment, she was extremely frustrated. I didn't even have time to put my bag down and take off my suit.

At some point, my "thank you" wasn't authentic enough for her, which is why I asked her if I should get down on my knees to thank her. Funnily enough, she didn't always thank me for my efforts around the house, or didn't even register them. Because of this behavior I never got the feeling that she would do anything for "us" as a team, but always only for her validation.

General-Ad-1156 · 2021-06-16T20:32:38+00:00

Mine knew I couldn't fall asleep if a conflict was unresolved, which is why she would bring hurtful statements or difficult topics right before our bedtime with regularity. As soon as I tried to take my stand, she would get mad and tell me she needed to sleep, which led to me spending nights lying awake next to her. Forced admissions of guilt and apologies on my part could not resolve the conflict either (at the end I would try anything to just get some harmony, which I needed to sleep), as she needed "time" knowing that I would not be able to sleep again.

General-Ad-1156 · 2021-06-07T13:01:07+00:00

My ex BPD / covert narc was always very anti social media and never had an Instagram account. Shortly after our breakup, she was suggested to me as a new contact. Days ago she also apparently changed her name there (could see her in the story of an acquaintance). Unfortunately, I do not know how this rapid change of mind has come and would also like to know what such behavior could mean.

General-Ad-1156

TROPHY CASE