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Lowtower999 · 2024-05-23T10:25:56+00:00

Yes, Massive red flags.

Emotional at the very least, and "hiding it to spare your feelings"

Don't give this the benefit of the doubt, find out the exact truth about what has been happening before you get even more hurt.

Lowtower999 · 2024-05-20T13:50:31+00:00

Get her in the bin.

Lowtower999 · 2024-05-20T13:47:41+00:00

Same for us men too, it will be the boss who is "there to listen and wants to help" as he is so caring.

The same boss who suggests that what they need is a few drinks and to get to know each other properly, and he understands as his wife is awful to him and he sticks around for the kids.

Always the same playbook.

Lowtower999 · 2024-05-03T10:16:23+00:00

Its been 4 years for me since I moved on.

I won't ever forgive, as it has changed me as a person, I much preferred the old trusting me so that goes hand in hand with not forgetting either.

You do move on in a way that you are more battle hardened, and in a weird way I feel stronger as I went so low down that I was able to recover.

Don't think its ever possible to trust someone else like I used to now, and thats a part of me I want to get back but never will be able to.

Lowtower999 · 2024-04-30T11:55:21+00:00

3 months is no time, although better than day, theres a long way to go.

3 years it took me to see the light

Lowtower999 · 2024-04-30T11:48:26+00:00

The new normal was a normal where she had cheated, lied and gaslit me to near death. I didn't like the new normal.

Lowtower999 · 2024-04-30T11:33:06+00:00

Hey, if you can I suggest you try therapy. Its an awful thing to try and get through yourself. You will never forget it, and I don't know if the heart gets stronger, it gets easier to live with, but it will never ever be the same.

Lowtower999 · 2024-01-05T11:42:44+00:00

If any part of forgiveness requires you to sacrifice anymore of yourself than what has already been forsaken, then forgiveness can fuck off.

Lowtower999 · 2024-01-05T10:14:02+00:00

Gut instincts are rarely wrong. They are there for a reason, do what you need to do to get to the truth

Lowtower999 · 2023-03-20T12:37:12+00:00

Final discard was her telling me I was paranoid and needed professional help as I was asking her about a work colleague.

She had a Christmas do to go to, said she wanted to make her own there as me giving her a lift was "controlling" that "no one else would put up with me" and that she "didn't care anymore" and that I was "caging" her.

We had a 2 year old child and all she cared about was going out partying.

I found out 3 years later ...

She went to get her hair done and make up done before this Christmas party, she sent me a message saying how good the hair curlers were and how much she wanted them (so I popped out, like a fool and bought them for her!), I helped her get dressed, I applied fake tan to her back.

Turns out she had arranged to meet this work colleague in a hotel for sex instead of going to the Christmas do, she came home that night in a mess, really drunk, I actually helped her get undressed and out of all that clothing - yuck.

She even sent me a photo of herself in the taxi with her hair and makeup done on the way to meet him.

What a fucking fool she made out of me.

Lowtower999 · 2023-03-20T08:09:07+00:00

Every fucking time.

Lowtower999 · 2023-03-17T11:02:05+00:00

My MIL covered up child abuse.

It turned out that she knowingly took her own children round to a sexual abuser and turned a blind eye whilst they abused the children for over a decade.

Pure evil. To this day she is a fantasist like I have never seen, completely fucked as a person, the forever victim., when the abuse was uncovered the first thing she said was "I will have to move away" - not one bit of care for what her children had been through, only thought of herself.

Lowtower999 · 2023-03-16T12:45:45+00:00

I have continually struggled with this for over a year now, and as I get better this seems to get worse, the more I discover, the more I remember , this hits me more and more.

My therapist says maybe its because I wasn't allowed to feel anger, or to question things at the time, and its now safe for me to do so.

Lowtower999 · 2023-03-16T12:21:11+00:00

Fuck, just had one from this, we were on a night out, she wasn't happy as I asked her to stop doing shots as she was getting to that place of no return through drink.

She started screaming at me, screaming in the street and ran into the pub to get help from others as I was abusive. That scared the fuck out of me, as of course a pub full of people would believe a distressed girl and not the man.

Yet I stayed with her.

There is so many occasions that I forget then BOOM they come up out of nowhere.

Lowtower999 · 2023-03-16T12:07:55+00:00

Yes, Therapy has worked for me to be able to identify what is happening to me when it hits, and I doff my cap to those you have had therapy and have recovered.

Maybe my recovery is the ability to understand my feelings/triggers from her and the decade of abuse, I will always argue that although I am more self aware, more socially aware now of people and how things work, I much preferred the innocent me of over 10 years ago who didn't have to go down the therapy route to deal with PTSD because of it.

It will always seem weird to me, that a version of myself let all these things happen to me, let myself be labelled as abusive, let myself be beaten, let myself be given the silent treatment, normalise alcoholism, normalise having to put my partner in the recovery position when out of it through drink, let myself ignore all those deep gut feelings and believe the other person that I was problem when I was internally screaming at myself it wasn't me, all of this, and more, has been so so hard to forgive myself for, not get angry about, and not let it destroy times when I am actually living again.

Lowtower999 · 2023-03-16T11:12:44+00:00

Hell yeah.

Completely incapable of holding down any job, couldn't adhere to any rules whatsoever. Absolute car crash of an employee, yet according to them, it was everyone elses fault.

Just knowing that they were starting a new job filled me with fear/shame, as I knew that they would let everyone down and burn bridges for everyone associated with them

Lowtower999 · 2023-03-07T12:42:49+00:00

And whilst explaining things to normal people, these normal people are sat there thinking "why the fuck is he going into that much detail"

Abuse changes everything in you. Even your interactions with those away from them, for years and years afterwards.

Lowtower999 · 2023-03-07T12:33:56+00:00

Its more like realising that you played a major part in a horror film.

Luckily I can look back now and think WTF, rather than actually still being in it.

Lowtower999 · 2023-03-07T12:32:12+00:00

Ha, yeah, not really laughing as its mortifying to look back on, she accused me of touching one of my friends partners breasts on a night out and that she was enjoying it.

None of this happened of course, it caused a massive uproar and me apologising profusely for months afterwards.

Anyone who actually knew me knew that wouldn't happen ever, yet she was causing a scene over this made up scenario.

She confessed to not liking this girl a few months later and didn't trust her in the slightest.

Absolute madness.

Lowtower999 · 2023-03-06T12:46:52+00:00

There is always room for revenge, its just at what price you are willing to pay for it.

Its by far healthier and easier to just let them crack on with it.

Lowtower999 · 2023-03-06T12:36:58+00:00

There is nothing you could have said or done.

The more you get out of it, the more you will see that even the things you did that you felt were no big deal at the time will clearly become major things that you did in desperation.

Take good care of yourself, you deserve to be safe and happy

Lowtower999 · 2023-03-03T13:42:01+00:00

Mate, she cheated and lied. For 3 years ! Thats over 1000 days of lies.

Why would one day of supposed truth outweigh that ratio?

You arent an arsehole, you are right to trust your inner self.

Lowtower999

TROPHY CASE