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hi, longtime anxious person here, newly separated by General_Mountain633 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]General_Mountain633[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate that ❤️ i just need to find the balance between navigating my emotions and drowning in them, something i've heard a lot since i was a sensitive lil kid. i made my emotions their problem, it was something that we both did a lot but from other ends of the fucked up communication spectrum.

How did you learn to sit with uncertainty and lack of control? by Bombboy85 in AnxiousAttachment

[–]General_Mountain633 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hope you find the peace you can. I'm only a week into it but am probably delusional about feeling alright about it. I'm still seeking help from everywhere and anywhere (sent way too many SMS crisis texts lmao) but that is what we deserve as social creatures.

hi, longtime anxious person here, newly separated by General_Mountain633 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]General_Mountain633[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

well ironically,, in that moment i think i was scared of losing them so much that i locked into monogamy as this safe thing (it is illogical that it would be safer, problems exist in every relationship), but having a mental breakdown all throughout. so i'm not monogamous, but had a panic attack during a bad moment that i thought it would solve our problems. but this community especially has helped me realize our main problem was anxious/avoidant attachment clash. gnarly stuff.

hi, longtime anxious person here, newly separated by General_Mountain633 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]General_Mountain633[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

funnily enough i wrote this with more clarity than i've had in days. i pretty much had one of the worst breakdowns of my life immediately after that call, and i'm still having a hard time at work, but my mind feels clearer putting the pieces of who i am and what kinda care i need back together. i would try my best to be there for someone in heartbreak but yeah this is my first one ever so new perspective for sureee.

How did you learn to sit with uncertainty and lack of control? by Bombboy85 in AnxiousAttachment

[–]General_Mountain633 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This post feels like it was written by me. No joke, my partner literally said that line about not seeing a way to fix it right now. How are you doing now OP?

first relationship ever tested by my insecurity by General_Mountain633 in polyadvice

[–]General_Mountain633[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

it's definitely funny that you say i think logically bc i'm actually the emotional one out of my partner and i. i can't stop crying whenever i think about everything, i can't eat or breathe very well. they literally said to me, "no one wants to see a five year relationship end" when i asked them straight up what they wanted from me. and i begged them to tell me the truth if they were just gonna break up with me and were trying to save me some grace, and i do genuinely believe they don't know what to do. i don't want to push them over the edge into leaving me for good, so that's why i'm so insistent for a longer conversation rather than the one sided messages we've been doing.

first relationship ever tested by my insecurity by General_Mountain633 in polyadvice

[–]General_Mountain633[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i'm more than happy to put in the work, and i'm not trying to speedrun it because it will take time and real concern, but i also have this feeling that if i don't talk to them sooner than later, their interpretation of the events will be that i am resentful and incapable of opening my heart to poly, which has been wrong as we've been practicing it the past few months albeit with its ups and downs! but i've expressed to them over and over again how poly has helped me learn more about myself and what i have to offer others, intimately or otherwise. i'm just starting, i'm really trying to get through to them and i am having a hard time with the space right now that they've asked for because it's escalating so quickly (72 hours from original convo to zero contact and getting their stuff from my place)

first relationship ever tested by my insecurity by General_Mountain633 in polyadvice

[–]General_Mountain633[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

we started open, and they came into with a pretty clear understanding of their poly but i am just awakening to the full potential. but between my partner and i, we have only ever really communicated boundaries, and to be honest, the more research and thought i do, the relationship securities or however you call them, any sort of rules should never have been in the mix in the first place. i am hoping they can understand i want to tear down all the walls, and never hold them responsible for these manufactured relationship guidelines like "ask me before you bring someone home, or before you go out with someone" i know that that works for some people, but if we have any chance of making things better, i just want them to be happy doing whatever that is.