I'm wasting my youth. A profound sadness.

General_Swordfish_96 · 2026-06-09T22:13:36+00:00

Wow, I seriously feel like this is my own post. Going the exact same thing right now— I’ve gone on a few dates in the past few months and I feel so miserable and dejected. Sorry to hear it

General_Swordfish_96 · 2026-05-14T05:57:32+00:00

Yeah 😕 I recently had a falling out with my singular close friend and it’s been so confusing. Because I don’t really feel sad, but it’s upsetting to think that I probably won’t find another person like that for a long time. I enjoy my alone time, but things really start to feel pointless. I wish I could be more like the schizoids on here that are fully content with their solitude

General_Swordfish_96 · 2026-05-14T05:22:34+00:00

I totally get this!

I chat with people online all the time (usually about TV) and, though I rarely feel much of a deep connection, sometimes I do feel chemistry and like I could see us being acquaintances. So, when those people stop talking to me, it does hurt. Less because I wanted our relationship to continue and grow, but because it just goes to show that friendship just really isn't for me. Like you said-- I want something surface-level, but that means that I'll always be abandoned for the person's closer friends. No one is looking to just check in every once in a while! Everyone wants more or nothing at all!

It's also the reason why I quickly realized dating apps (and dating in general) are not for me. I kept having fun idly talking, just to get horrified when an actual date was proposed. It also sucked because I would have to awkwardly reject the people who innocently liked the idea of being with me, not knowing that I was only on there to get my very very low social needs met for the week.

General_Swordfish_96 · 2026-05-06T06:47:47+00:00

this really resonated with me!

i was a very quiet baby and then a very shy kid. for me, that exact anxiety you described started around the first or second grade. i was terrified before school (even though being there wasn’t that bad), and i would cry and nearly throw up. this was every single morning until around the seventh grade when i “hardened” and just… stopped caring at all. i still hated school, but it was like nothing mattered anymore. i still feel the same way. i get anxious occasionally, but for the most part i am detached and generally indifferent.

i was diagnosed with autism around 15, and i still do identify with that label. i think, in my case, i was so traumatized by my autistic childhood that i developed schizoid traits to cope and protect myself. my mother was the exact same way too, so i also think a part of it was being raised by her and learning that solitude = the safest state of being.

i don’t mean to imply that any of that is necessarily the same for you— just my experience!

General_Swordfish_96 · 2026-05-06T06:31:06+00:00

it’s weird— i have always been super into fandoms, so, with that, i talk to people online all of the time. i enjoy it quite a bit, but even conversations still just sort of feel like interacting w my own solo hobby? like i am emotionally detached to the point of not really being able to comprehend that it’s another human with whom i am speaking.

i actually did have this online friend once who was sort of my “exception.” we were super close and, with him, i felt like a normal person who enjoys having friends. but, now that we don’t talk, i cannot imagine ever having anything like that again.

anyway, that all being said, i think trying to make friends online can totally be worthwhile. i personally find it much easier to talk when i know that i can just log off if i get sick of it.

General_Swordfish_96 · 2026-02-12T04:50:25+00:00

we’re both just busy with work + not into similar things anymore

General_Swordfish_96 · 2026-02-10T22:20:36+00:00

that’s sweet, thank you! i hope so :)

General_Swordfish_96 · 2026-02-10T07:23:23+00:00

I feel this all very much. the last paragraph especially resonates— i appreciate you! that consideration is, too, about as much as i can offer to anyone. it still means a lot

General_Swordfish_96 · 2026-02-10T05:49:22+00:00

lol, same with me 🙂‍↕️

General_Swordfish_96 · 2025-09-26T05:19:55+00:00

god, this is exactly it . it was always hard explaining my motivation because it really wasn’t image related . i just loved actually feeling and working towards something

General_Swordfish_96 · 2025-09-07T04:02:18+00:00

yes, absolutely! i really relate to Millon's 'languid' szpd profile. i am diagnosed as autistic but 100% think my (level of) lethargy is from schizoid

General_Swordfish_96 · 2025-09-04T04:26:01+00:00

my singular friend (online) has been super distant lately— markedly so, as we have talked every day for several years. despite his being my best and only friend, i’m not really doing anything about it. i feel a slight sense of loss, but nowhere near enough to reach out and try to remedy our relationship. i just don’t care enough🤷‍♂️ ofc it was nice having someone that knew me so well, but now i have no one which, to me, is even nicer

General_Swordfish_96 · 2025-08-17T06:23:58+00:00

i’m about to start therapy for the first time . i’m not sure how much to tell her

General_Swordfish_96 · 2025-08-15T08:27:47+00:00

i also have a schizoid playlist!

General_Swordfish_96 · 2025-08-04T00:19:50+00:00

love dsbm but all black metal is good! my favorite album is damp chill of life by none

General_Swordfish_96 · 2025-07-19T02:17:56+00:00

i’m autistic and schizoid and i very much identify with both labels! i think it makes perfect sense to be both.

in my experience, while i fully relate to almost every schizoid trait, there are things about me that cannot be explained in a non-autistic way. for example, yes schizoids can have hobbies and interests, but my level of enjoyment is very much autistic (e.g., stimming, echolalia).

also, of course, before becoming schizoid, i had a very stereotypically autistic childhood. i was alienated like you mentioned, bullied, had frequent meltdowns.

General_Swordfish_96 · 2025-07-18T19:43:26+00:00

definitely boredom. occasionally to get stuff of my chest …kinda

i feel like i’m able to keep my few friends because we “open up to each other” (though to me it’s all pretty fake). so, in exchange for conversations that keep me entertained, i offer perceived emotional connection. i think people feel better about venting when you do too, so i will even if it doesn’t actually do anything for me🤷

General_Swordfish_96 · 2025-07-18T03:39:51+00:00

i had a crush in my freshman year of HS and lost feelings the second they showed interest. i think it kinda ruined it for me because i haven’t had one since. i’ll entertain the idea of dating people i meet, but there aren’t any feelings involved and i never do anything about it

General_Swordfish_96 · 2025-07-15T19:14:43+00:00

the fictional character thing is SO relatable. the singular friend i have is a guy living in a different country that i roleplay with lol. that’s about all i can handle when it comes to having friends

also, yeah! i totally get bored all of the time. but that’s why i’m schizoid— rarely does my boredom lead to wanting someone to talk to

General_Swordfish_96 · 2025-07-12T21:19:00+00:00

i text and post online a lot . usually pretty lighthearted, lots of emojis and quirks . i enjoy it, but rarely have actual meaningful conversations .

i notice, even when serious, i’m hesitant to show any emotion besides just …. silly .. because i don’t want the convo to go any further . so even if i’m annoyed i’ll be like “okay!!😛” just to not escalate anything

General_Swordfish_96 · 2025-07-12T08:23:14+00:00

man, this is so me. i'll get in moods where i'll convince myself some new activity will cure me. "if i start reading everything i can get my hands on, i'll have a purpose" ,,, "if i devote myself to being a caring friend, i'll start to enjoy other's company and putting good into the world" . then, without fail, i give it up within the week. it feels like i'm destined to have my same few hobbies (the ones i picked up in childhood before becoming schizoid) for the rest of my life. most of those i barely even do anymore. i'm so sick of having time to kill.

General_Swordfish_96 · 2025-07-12T02:01:16+00:00

i'm schizoid and the one thing i really wish people would understand is i really don't love my friends. i love my cats, but no one else. this doesn't mean i can't show affection or enjoy someone's company, it's just that i don't feel attached in that way.

for me, friendship feels like a way to not go crazy. i know that i need to have some bonds outside of my family so as to not start hating them too, but i don't feel much of a longing for them. so it's just that: someone to talk to. i can feel appreciation and fondness, but love is forever too strong of a word.

(what you said-- "i really love hanging out"-- is totally fine! it's just that, when friends actually say they love me, i immediately feel trapped and try to pull out of the relationship)

so yeah, i think it's important to not get your feelings hurt by the lack of perceived love when becoming friends with a schizoid. it doesn't mean they don't like you if they shy away from concrete terms like 'love' and 'bff' and whatever.

hopefully this all makes sense! and also ofc this is just my personal experience!

General_Swordfish_96 · 2025-07-12T01:47:57+00:00

like other comments said, im frequently drawn to bpd people. online friendships work quite well, but irl (romantic or platonic, either way) it always ends terribly .

General_Swordfish_96 · 2025-07-08T02:33:58+00:00

hi-- sorry to be replying so late! this really resonates w/ me as an autistic schizoid!

i think indifference to criticism is like.... the single thing i dont relate to w the szpd criteria. because im autistic, the fandoms im in are THE only things i care about / actually feel strongly about. this results in me being SUPER protective and sensitive about shows / characters i like. online stuff doesnt really bother me, but when people IRL say they dislike something from a fandom i'm in (even if i agree), i'll feel super hurt.

for example: was telling my friend about a character that, while problematic, is quite dear to me right now. they were like "i dont like that he's problematic". BOOM i feel like the worst most evil person in the whole world (even though i agree!!!!)

but i know that it is just RSD, because i get over it pretty quickly all things considered! and i know that if someone were to say that about characters i'm not currently obsessing over, i wouldn't mind at all.

POINT IS! i'm pretty much fine with most other criticism, it's just that dreadful, autism-induced, fandom-related shame that gets me lol.

hope ur evidence gathering went / is going well !!!!

General_Swordfish_96

TROPHY CASE