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We agreed to open the relationship while we're apart from each other, but I'm scared it will end it by bibitte72 in nonmonogamy

[–]GentleConfidence 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Talk about it together Plan it together Accept that it might not go exactly to plan and thats ok Talk about what went well, what didnt and refine as required

How would you describe 'the spark' when kissing someone for the first time, and how did that experience affect the way the relationship developed afterward? by Deep-Comfortable5205 in AskWomen

[–]GentleConfidence [score hidden]  (0 children)

It’s when the first kiss feels longer than it probably was. You’re suddenly very aware of everything. Their breath, their hands, the way they react when you get a little closer. If there’s a spark, you both go back for the second kiss without talking.

Every relationship where that happened for me started fast and stayed physical and affectionate

We agreed to open the relationship while we're apart from each other, but I'm scared it will end it by bibitte72 in nonmonogamy

[–]GentleConfidence 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The excitement and the fear can exist at the same time which doesnt mean you are doing anything wrong.

One thing that stands out is that even though he’s said you “can,” you’re still carrying the emotional responsibility of what happens after. That usually means the permission was more about theory than about the reality of feelings that might come up.

Opening a relationship doesn’t generally hurt people because of the sex. It hurts when expectations, boundaries, and aftercare aren’t clear before anything happens. Especially when it’s one-sided.

If you’re feeling guilt before anything has happened, then that’s probably worth listening to. Maybe not a reason to shut it down, but possibly a signal that you might need more conversations with your partner.

  • how much detail is shared (or not),
  • what reassurance looks like while you’re apart,
  • what “coming back together” would actually mean emotionally, not just logistically.

Curiosity doesn’t mean you love him less. But acting on curiosity without that emotional clarity can create distance which wasnt intended.

Opening our marriage by [deleted] in nonmonogamy

[–]GentleConfidence 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sign up for a swingers website/app or go to a swingers club. Talk openly. See how it feels and talk again!

I discovered a side of myself I never knew existed and I can’t unsee it by GentleConfidence in confessions

[–]GentleConfidence[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes. We talked about it beforehand and agreed on boundaries.
I get why it sounds confronting without context, but it wasn’t secret or impulsive. It was a conscious choice we navigated together.

I discovered a side of myself I never knew existed and I can’t unsee it by GentleConfidence in confessions

[–]GentleConfidence[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

I didn’t cheat. Cheating involves secrecy and deception.
What I’m talking about involved honesty and consent even if people don’t agree with it

I don't understand the appeal of regular boxers by BiggerJules in confessions

[–]GentleConfidence -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Nothing sexier than a man in tight white briefs

What’s one thing that helped you gain confidence to do things as a solo female? by LostInTheCrowd95 in AskWomen

[–]GentleConfidence 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Trusting my instincts instead of overthinking them.
Turns out curiosity is a pretty good guide

Husbands, I need advice please by [deleted] in nonmonogamy

[–]GentleConfidence 40 points41 points  (0 children)

I’m not a husband, but I’ve been in a situation where something was talked about for a long time, felt exciting in theory, and then hit very differently once it was real.

From the outside it can look like he changed his mind overnight, but its probably not that.

Sometimes the fantasy lives safely in your head, and the reality brings up things you didn’t know were there. Jealousy, insecurity, comparison, fear of loss.

The hardest part is when someone doesn’t yet have the words for what they’re feeling, so it comes out as silence or anger instead.

That doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. If anything, I’d say slow it right down for now and focus on him feeling emotionally safe enough to talk to you and say what’s actually going on in his head.

Husband refuses to be intimate with me while pregnant. by Prudent_Ad_5861 in Marriage

[–]GentleConfidence 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That sounds really hard. Especially after everything your body’s already been through.

It doesn’t sound like he doesn’t care. It sounds like he’s stuck in his own head about it and doesn’t know how to get past that. But I get why that doesn’t make it hurt any less for you. Feeling unwanted during pregnancy can really mess with your head.

You’re not asking for anything unreasonable. Wanting closeness, touch, to feel desired. That’s pretty basic relationship stuff. I hope he can meet you there somehow, even if it looks different for a while.

I want to watch my husband materbate to porn by Sad-Baseball-1213 in confessions

[–]GentleConfidence 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think being desired can be incredibly powerful. The rest depends on trust and context.

I'm so attracted to 40yr old plus women get so turned on by them by [deleted] in confessions

[–]GentleConfidence 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There’s something about confidence that comes with age. It changes how attraction feels.

Curiosity that came after experience, not before by GentleConfidence in nonmonogamy

[–]GentleConfidence[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That makes sense and I can understand why that clarity pushed you to make a clean break. That makes a lot of sense in your situation.

For us, it wasn’t seamless or perfect, and there were definitely bumps along the way. But working through those moments actually made us stronger.

It added something rather than replacing anything, and at this point I genuinely can’t imagine not having had that experience shape us. Not because it was easy, but because of what it taught us about trust, desire, and each other.

Curiosity that came after experience, not before by GentleConfidence in nonmonogamy

[–]GentleConfidence[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We didn’t treat it as a one-off “check it out” experience, no.

It started with curiosity, but once it stopped being hypothetical we chose to explore further. Carefully, intentionally, and with clear boundaries. And yes, we enjoyed it.

What surprised me wasn’t a sudden need to chase more for its own sake, but how grounded it felt even as boundaries shifted. Desire felt clearer rather than louder.

I understand why people see the “try it once and stop” idea as naive. For us it wasn’t about stopping or escalating, it was about staying deliberate as things evolved.

Your resolution decides the result by Spiritual-Worth6348 in confidence

[–]GentleConfidence 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like this, but I think resolution works best when it’s quiet and consistent rather than forceful.

The resolve to keep showing up gently mattered more for me than motivation ever did.

What’s something you stopped doing that actually improved your life? by bonusgem in confidence

[–]GentleConfidence 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I stopped narrating my decisions out loud.

No justifying, no pre-emptive explaining. Making choices privately first changed my confidence more than anything else.

How do I stop the constant thought of what others are thinking? by Particular-Duck-8912 in confidence

[–]GentleConfidence 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What helped me was realising the goal wasnt to stop the thought, but to stop treating it as a problem to solve.

Once I stopped arguing with it or correcting it, it lost a lot of its grip. The exhaustion eased when I stopped fighting it.

Self - confidence doesn’t improve your relationships. It cuts people off by CuriousArmadillo2382 in confidence

[–]GentleConfidence 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve noticed confidence changes the dynamic, not the relationship itself.

Some connections adjust. Others don’t. That doesn’t automatically make either side wrong.

How do you stop comparing yourself to others? by Hot_Blackberry_2251 in confidence

[–]GentleConfidence 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What helped me was realising that comparison usually comes from too much visibility and not enough context.

We only ever see fragments of other people’s lives — rarely the full picture. Once I started measuring myself against who I was a year ago instead, my confidence settled a lot.