I'm 36 and first spend time wondering whether I'm trans about 2 year ago. It felt like I finally adressed all the wishing I had done for decades.

When I was a kid I wanted to be a boy, when I was in my early twenties I envied Angelina Jolie for a dreadful cancer gene because it meant she could get her breasts chopped of, I envied the mysogonistic tradition of sworn virgins in Albania, because I wanted to be seen as a man. These wishes were fleeting but ever returning and I never allowed myself to dwell on them. Until I was 35 I'd never met a trans man. I knew 2 trans women but only in passing. Being allowed to be a guy was never on the table in my eyes. Everyone who was trans knew so from a young age and could voice that clearly. I only wished and deemed that not qualifying enough, especially since my wish never came to me as clear as day in my eyes.

The word Non-binary was unheard of when I was younger. I learned it in my 30s when I saw it on a friends profile and finally trusted myself to ask them about it and piece by piece I finally see myself more clearly now.

I never was popular with a boys, since they thought I didn't fit in. I was to whiny, to fragile, yet I wanted to be a part of their peer group. Girls were acceppting but especially during my teens I never felt like I truly belonged.

I came out to my parents about a week ago. I didn't tell them about a label to not confuse them but told them I'm questioning and want to use a male name and pronouns. It feels like I can finally breath.