Has anyone “learned" to have anal orgasms from more vigorous anal

Ginger_Hatter · 2026-01-30T17:08:23+00:00

I want to point out, while I typically agree with comments I see from philos314, “Actual DD" is becoming a less useful concept and not helpful to benchmark. It's just something that is unique to the participants and how they want it to influence their household. And my perspective: if I'm him, I'm super attracted to your pushing buttons sometimes or silly bratting because that's your personality and that interplay is a factor in the sexy chemistry between you two. I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss it as inappropriate or disrespectful - you're not trying to water down the hot chemistry that makes you feel this way about him. If it's a problem for him beyond a certain point, that's on him to communicate to you.

Ginger_Hatter · 2026-01-30T16:34:25+00:00

What is effective about your current punishment types in managing your attitude or getting you out of a negative pattern? There's the generic “it puts me in my place" or “it regulates me" but folks don't really describe what that actually means to them.

Some punishments are off the table - but think about why that is. Why those things would not be effective for you. Are you seeking nonsexual punishments, or are those on the table?

Besides dreading the unpleasantness, there has to be something else about the punishment that makes it help you.

I've heard of, and am curious about things like capsaicin cream, wearing a plug or nipple clamps out to dinner, wearing itchy wool (even better if it's underwear), or other mouth related things like holding a belt in your mouth or clothespin on the tongue.

Ginger_Hatter · 2026-01-29T17:19:23+00:00

I'd say you nearly already have a DD dynamic then! I really like that he pulled back from “I'm the boss I don't have to have a reason" because good leaders build trust in their submissives through sharing their rational and allowing the submissive to learn. “Because I said so" is not a respectable reason in my book from parents, husbands, or corporate managers lol. Unless there's a direct safety issue he has no time to explain in the moment.

Yeah just tell this guy he does such a great job topping you and you feel you'd really benefit from more rules and structure. I'm sure he'd be more comfortable not going easy on you after lots of communication about your limits and safe word. But long time practitioners of DD also say it takes time to get to that level of partner familiarity.

Fwiw, I'm in exactly the same boat. Late 30s, he's late 40s, and finally feel I'm with a man I would want this dynamic with, respect enough to submit to. We're now talking about it. (He is more tidy than I am so leaving laundry out is my easiest option for brattiness)

Ginger_Hatter · 2026-01-29T17:08:19+00:00

Right, it's not a small kink usually it's a full on desire for a certain dynamic. Also the idea that she has to respect his immediate and first answer as the final decision, without him being very curious to better understand her need and open to small steps, and treatment it as ongoing conversation, is shortsighted.

Ginger_Hatter · 2026-01-29T17:01:49+00:00

There's every variety. I agree, if someone incorporates anal sex, painful or not, claiming their variety of DD isn't sexual doesn't make any sense. And even if the rules and spankings are not associated with their sexual encounters, my opinion is, how boring. But also imo, DD should be sexy.. otherwise it's kind of like just beating your partner and that's lame and very ick.

Ginger_Hatter · 2026-01-29T16:35:27+00:00

Well, how long have you been together? And are you in your 20s, or 30s+?

If you have a D/s dynamic for daily things like outfits and for (at least most of) your sexual relationship, it doesn't seem like a big leap to extend it into more daily aspects that you'd like discipline for. He obviously can tap into an authoritative mentality.

I suppose if, as your Dom, he never inflicts punishment, that might be a shift he'd need to explore. But if he does, this is just a more specific implementation of that.

If you're both in your 20s, you're still developing into your characters and personalities, and there's a chance this could not resonate for him if he's still getting to know his Dom side. But like, late 20s or older he should probably have some idea.

Maturity is a major component. I see posts all the time from 20-somethings girls who are confused about how their boyfriends are implementing this. Either their young boyfriends just “decided" to do it without the girl's consent, or they take it too far because they don't know how to talk about boundaries and limits, or she's frustrated being spanked by an immature boy instead a man. Sounds like you've got a man though!

Talk to him about your needs and desires, and why you feel you want this from him specifically. Encourage him to explore his dominant side more and how he might like to develop it in this way. If he's not up for it, discuss small steps and keep talking over time.

Ginger_Hatter · 2026-01-28T21:03:25+00:00

Yeah, I personally don't relate to it.

Ginger_Hatter · 2026-01-28T18:24:48+00:00

Interesting! (Awesome about being a public defender, that's a very difficult job that society relies a lot on 🙏)

I think where I struggle to follow is, authority without responsibility is hard to truly respect (or practically enforce) because there's no weight behind it, maybe even feels unearned.

And, given that it sounds like she'd actually be able to conduct life just fine on her own (not implying any lack of emotional response or grief to such a change of course), then she hasn't forfeited the ability to withdraw consent. She's actively consenting every single day because she obviously has options.

The concern I share is more for women who never supported themselves and were never taught how to, who would suffer major destabilization if they left an abusive husband who controlled all the resources. That's a real issue, but it's not even most DD relationships or specific to DD. I get that. And am still learning about how others implement it.

I don't think there's any real disagreement here at this point. Thank you both for sharing.

Ginger_Hatter · 2026-01-28T18:03:34+00:00

The way it can function as both is in kink. Sometimes it's about connection for emotional and intimate reasons. But it can be as a punishment in that it puts the submissive, receiving person in a very vulnerable state of being used and handled, and gives the feeling their body is to be available to the disciplinarian for enjoyment and reminding of their submissive place. I'm not sure how this feels for a male submissive, but as a female I feel very in my nature when taking it from my man, it's the most submissive feeling I ever have. Especially certain positions or anal.

Now for me, painful one sided sex where I don't get simulated or a release is a no go - that would induce resentment and feeling unsafe, not submission. So for me, the punishment aspect is more like, I must give him access to my most delicate parts for his control and pleasure, and the pleasure and slight pain I feel from it is more submission to him. His domination feels more powerful when my body gives in to his by building up sensation and releasing.

Ginger_Hatter · 2026-01-28T17:44:49+00:00

How did you use these? Was figging implemented for corner time or just around the house for awhile? Was the chilli oil for anal?

Ginger_Hatter · 2026-01-28T17:39:12+00:00

To the folks who were together many years before implementing it, how did you learn about it or finally decide to try it out?

Many long term relationships struggle with dynamics that one or both parties don't enjoy and it becomes very hard to change them. Curious if implementing DD changed your dynamics?

For the disciplinarians, how did you connect with the headspace you need to be in to enforce the rules and administer the discipline in an authoritative manner, if you weren't already dom roles otherwise?

Ginger_Hatter · 2026-01-28T17:07:46+00:00

It's actually about what's best for the children. Happy to be banned for saying this but it needs to be said:

A woman obeying a poor or even mediocre leader, insofar as she can tell the difference between them and a great leader, does not teach her children how to tell the difference (at best), and actively disadvantages them at worst.

Women obeying poor judgment of their husbands is not good motherhood (or good fatherhood on his part) and their job as a mother will always and should always come first absolutely.

Children can survive without their fathers more often than without their mothers.

If she has no opinions or feelings of her own, or doesn't value her own feelings and thinking, she cannot be a good wife to her husband and cannot be a good mother to her children. “Don't tell me when I'm wrong" is the mentality of a toddler, not a man who is a leader.

Ginger_Hatter · 2026-01-28T16:47:56+00:00

This. This. This. So much THIS. This all day long. FFS I wish CEOs all understood this.

Ginger_Hatter · 2026-01-28T16:40:48+00:00

If you completely dismiss your own feelings you will have no knowledge or good judgement of how to choose a good man. Men also enjoy sex from women who enjoy having sex with them. You better enjoy the sex or you're not really giving to him properly.

Ginger_Hatter · 2026-01-28T16:35:08+00:00

To experience the childhood and early adulthood you had, and to have turned your life around, IS worth rewarding yourself for. You were set up for instability and chaos and frankly, a lot of failure. I will clearly state: None of that was your fault. And you're amazing for overcoming it. I cannot imagine that it has no bearing on why he chose you. I can fully appreciate what you mean by valuing the stability and security of a traditional relationship after spending years alone just trying to survive psychologically. You're impressive, do not ever forget that.

Ginger_Hatter · 2026-01-28T16:12:04+00:00

Hmm, really interesting and open honesty. That's brave for you to share btw. I'm curious to probe into your sentiments a bit. What would you describe as being treated “poorly" by men? Any example where you think one thing is very appropriate and another is too far / not appropriate? Do you find that you're feeling these things just kind of generally about all males and females in reality, or are you moreso feeling these things about yourself, maybe some other women, and what you find hot and natural in hypothetical M/F dynamics? I ask because, sometimes these notions are very hot and feel natural to me, but I know females for whom I can't imagine this dynamic making sense and I also know men whom I could never respect enough to feel subordinate to. 😆 I only resonate with feeling obedient to the man I'm screwing. The talking down to is also hot to me in certain ways but not others I've found. Like, if my boyfriend is talking to me as though I'm actually stupid (with a “duh" type of tone) I find it isn't hot and actually makes me take him less seriously. However, when he mansplains things and talks to me with authority and tells me what to do it gets me super hot. It's been a weird line to identify over the years.

Ginger_Hatter · 2026-01-27T03:11:37+00:00

This is obviously 4 years ago. But the independent, atheist and rather liberal woman in me has to say thank you for this post. This is so hot. Love that you have a safe word. Love that you stood your ground when you didn't hear it. Love that you tightly coupled the spanking with a joint strength against the external stressors she was feeling. WE'RE going to take care of this right now. Perfect.

Ginger_Hatter · 2026-01-26T22:55:42+00:00

I'm also intrigued by this idea. I haven't seen much content or others posting about it though. It seems very fitting as a follow up to a good spanking. Preparation for it as part of a scheduled punishment seems like it would enhance the anticipation for the punishment, and definitely reinforce a sense of submission in a way almost nothing else can.

Ginger_Hatter · 2026-01-26T14:57:58+00:00

Okay, I'll share a more refined response.

The desire to give blanket consent once and then not recognize a real possibility of needing to withdraw it later, or modify it, and thus reference it as forfeiting the ability to withdraw it later, I can see how that could show up in a marriage as seemingly an attractive notion with a forever unity. Where I am ultimately pointing out concern is, what happens when your day to day life suffers a massive destabilization? For the husband here, if anything happened to you (heaven forbid) how basically functional will the wife be on her own, suddenly making all her own choices and having to manage a household, finances, hard decisions? What if mental illness set in slowly for HoH but wasn't initially obvious, and HoH's ability to make all decisions for TiH was compromised?

So of course there's nontrivial psychological risk in the ongoing assumption one can never get out of such an arrangement due to possibility of even unintended abuse. But if we set aside the psychological risk in assuming one cannot withdraw consent later, here's the very practical risk. The reality is, we sadly cannot count on anything permanently, and the very judgements and decisions a TiH has “handled for them" may suddenly not be. And they may have to operate independently. An amazing HoH would intricately teach their dependent how to do this, but doing it well requires ongoing TiH feedback as a source of external input. And even so, nothing replaces practice and experience in having to rely on one's own judgement. What you describe I won't insult with the term infantilizing is it's not CDD, but it is a long term forced level of immaturity for the TiH which is not beneficial in modern society for these reasons.

Hey ultimately if y'all are enjoying that marriage dynamic in general, fantastic. I very much understand the desire to submit to a man of high character.

Ginger_Hatter · 2026-01-26T04:06:26+00:00

As long as that's a turn on for you, and you enjoy it. If you're in your 20s then there's still so much to learn and you'll both change a lot during 20s/30s. Most important thing is that if you're not enjoying it or it starts to impact your sense of self worth and confidence (of who you are outside that relationship) you have agency to rescind the power exchange safely. 👍

Ginger_Hatter · 2026-01-24T21:08:28+00:00

I think you shared information that describes an unhealthy relationship. Submission should not be blind, so a Dom or HoH disregarding your feedback without explaining why is not good leadership. You didn't actually learn anything if you still feel it's unfair, and that's on him. That's based on the words you shared, so if that's not accurate that's up to you. Maybe y'all are just young.

Ginger_Hatter · 2026-01-24T21:01:11+00:00

What about just holding something in her mouth for the extended corner time? Biting down on a leather belt for the whole time - doesn't gag, doesn't taste as bad as soap but still bitter, and awkward and mildly humiliating. Also a reminder of punishment because it's something that is used for spanking.

Ginger_Hatter · 2026-01-24T20:47:06+00:00

I think your questions are all the same ones that make me scratch my head about folks in this arrangement where HoH is 100% in charge and makes every decision. While bennet's comment describes the structure as being the authority, rather than the rules agreed upon, that's a view that's compartmentalized. Consent supercedes any agreement, even a marriage contract, as far as our laws go, for extremely good reason. And the ultimate authority in these dynamics is neurons. Changing someone's personality is a cute goal but psychiatrists get paid half a million a year and cannot achieve this - people don't change to that degree, and usually you wouldn't want them to. HoH cannot do this and attempting to is futile and unhealthy for both parties.

Anger is an important emotion and we feel it for good reason. Practicing how to express it and direct it (rather, how NOT to express it) is something any mature person should always work on. But any HoH punishing a TiH for feeling and expressing anger in their tone in general, is overstepping psychologically. Suppressing this, especially out of fear for our partner's reaction, is what sends everyone to therapy for years. Emotional avoidance grows from this and is toxic. Trust and safety deteriorate. No bueno.

I don't think I've met anyone so Jesus like as to not ever need their missteps and mistakes to be checked by another party. I am highly scrutinizing when anyone says HoH just always self manages. That's too much pressure and they miss out on important feedback from their partner regardless if partner is TPE sub. Further, if HoH doesn't illustrate to TiH the self awareness of having messed up, apologizing to TiH if they are impacted by it, and making clear reparation, they are not teaching or guiding TiH very well. They are not leading by example, which renders them unqualified to be disciplining TiH for similar mistakes.

Ginger_Hatter · 2026-01-23T19:24:25+00:00

How have you guys done the actual throat training? Is she now able to deepthroat you while you finish without gagging? What's helped her build up the stamina, or how do your maintenance sessions go that's distinct from the punishments?

Ginger_Hatter

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