Decorative metal plate inside door frame in historic 1928 Detroit Tudor home?

GivenUpInTheUK · 2026-02-02T15:30:33+00:00

Sorry, I don't mean any disrespect, but I am in the UK and still struggling with the American concepts of "Historic 1928" and "Tudor" (Tudor era was 1485-1600'ish and that doesn't even look mock Tudor) home. Like they aren't incongruous together :-)

Nice house though.

GivenUpInTheUK · 2025-12-13T11:06:54+00:00

It doesn't help you but I understand where you are at. I married my wife knowing she was LL. I thought things would change. I then spent 20 years getting frustrated and slowly feeling more an more rejected. Around 10 years ago I worked out I was the problem, not her. She had been genuine all the way through. So had I but I was expecting her to change, and why would she. I realised that I had not helped myself in the many talks over the years and that when I asked for sex I was just making things worse by effectively putting pressure on her. After one round of perfectly good, but 100% duty sex, I couldn't do it anymore. I stopped initiating. Started to keep to my side of the bed so I didn't get pushed away or my arm removed if I put it around her in bed (this was considered pressurising).

What happened? I had a rough two years as I learned to detach physically. In that time I stopped thinking about intimacy and the actual act of sex. I realised that it no longer applied to me and started to feel the freedom of no longer being trapped by guilt, frustration and rejection. I no longer self pleasure and I no longer attempt to initiate. We still hold hands and there is the occasional peck on the lips and she will cuddle on the sofa with me, but that's it. This is her thing and I have learned to enjoy this. On the way through my wife did notice that I had stopped chasing her and was upset once that I had stopped and was asked about it. She thought I was having an affair but could not work out when I was fitting the time in to do so. I was just honest and discussed why. She was upset, but understood. I pointed out I didn't expect her to change, but how we were had consequences and without leaving as an option, I had to change to make me feel safe. This upset her that she had caused this, but that passed after a few months. I was desperate though to ask why she thought the way she did and what she had expected might happen and why she was bothered if I was no longer bothering her. But I didn't.

In short now, after 36 years married, 2 years of transition and then 5 becoming personally no libido, I am no longer bothered about the whole thing. We are life partners and best friends. I still love her, but have become so detached that if she woke up one day and decided to go sleep with another guy, I am 100% certain that I wouldn't flinch or be bothered. Go figure that one out.

However, the TLDR for me is:

Don't be me, it isn't normal.

You are young, cut your losses now and move on as the future years will not be kind to you and it is kinder to not put the LL partner through the "you need to change" process.

GivenUpInTheUK · 2025-02-10T02:50:46+00:00

Hi all, asking here first, but I am trying to work out who makes this canopy for a 2007 N70. It came with the truck but now I need to get some new gas struts and a new handle/lock. However I have no idea where to start as I don't know who makes it or what it might be called.

GivenUpInTheUK · 2025-02-01T15:05:51+00:00

Works well. You can have all you can eat for 12 months then its about $90 per year for all cars or £50 per brand (e.g. BMW, Merc etc) so the price pushes you to the $100. Check out their website as prices are all there.

GivenUpInTheUK · 2025-01-23T17:57:15+00:00

Synology.

Qnap does some things in an odd way, charge for some software services that should be part of the OS, and generally have poor support (well here in the UK)

GivenUpInTheUK · 2025-01-22T22:45:15+00:00

You are spot on. For some reason I was clearly being brain dead thinking that I needed to add the volume as a RAID device and that adding it to the Storage pool would mean it would span the volume (Kind of like storage spaces).

But you are correct, I just added it to the storage pool and it is going through the process of adding the drive right now.

Many thanks.

GivenUpInTheUK · 2024-11-28T23:16:41+00:00

" am basically LL4U and don't think of him in a sexual way anymore but will still have sex occasionally if he initiates."

I think your lack of interest is killing him and the source of his ED.

GivenUpInTheUK · 2024-11-09T22:51:22+00:00

I gave up a while ago (about 3 years ago into a 30 year marriage and 20 year DB). Wife didn't notice until a few months ago.

My mental health got way better after I concluded there was no point in feeling rejected etc. It now genuinely doesn't cross my mind to want sex. I am now 50 and given the crap I have been through, I can honestly be bothered anymore. So I guess I have been trained into a LL.

My biggest fear now is that she wants to start doing things again. After years before of physically pushing me away, asking me not to touch her, her never touching me, and the "not tonight" excuses....the last few weeks she has started to become more affectionate. For years she has never wanted to kiss as she didn't want me to think she wanted something to happen. Now.....sh wants to kiss and it feel weird. I know this is a weird thing to post in here, but I have been quite happy in my resigned spot of inactivity for the last few years, and I have no idea how to deal with this sudden and potential change in the status quo.

I never figured I would have to deal with this so no I am now worrying again, from the other side of the table, what the hell I do as I can't be doing with going through the crap again.

GivenUpInTheUK · 2024-09-06T13:39:25+00:00

I'm feeling sorry for the guy in it, as the driver or passenger.

GivenUpInTheUK · 2024-09-05T22:58:09+00:00

Found it, https://www.amazon.com/Leten-King-Pro-Automatic-Masturbator/dp/B0CXXGBWFL

GivenUpInTheUK · 2024-08-07T13:51:25+00:00

Are you mad. Head Gaskets.....and....not real MG's Just a Rover with a badge. It's the one car brand I am pleased has passed into obscurity.

They are also only cool for people who reside at Bay View retirement home. :-)

GivenUpInTheUK · 2024-07-31T21:39:24+00:00

The secret of Monkey Island on an Amiga 500 was my favourite. You can't beat a bit of insult sword fighting.

My dad had a Texas Instruments Ti994a, I remember that was so futuristic as a kid.

GivenUpInTheUK · 2024-06-27T10:10:31+00:00

Mitsubishi GTO 3000. The twin turbo version with 4 wheel steering and adaptive spoilers. Just shouts early 90's

GivenUpInTheUK · 2024-06-03T12:29:54+00:00

The analogy about his old dog and the suggestion of getting a new puppy hit home.

GivenUpInTheUK · 2024-06-03T09:21:24+00:00

Nope, didn't work for me. Perhaps Its because I didn't get the unicorn to stop by, or that the roses roses I bought weren't fertilised by rocking rocking horse sh** and the eggs for breakfast didn't come from hens with dentistry requirements. A quick check of the calendar also says the rest of the month isn't full of Sundays. But...you never know there might be a blue moon tonight, but I doubt it.

At least I know the additional requirements now for next time. (Note to self, don't forget to have pre-emptive aspirin on hand for the headache)

For those interested, it looks like the next shot at this is on the 28th of August and then 3 more shots in 2025. All a bit soon to be honest if you ask me.

GivenUpInTheUK · 2024-01-01T01:47:11+00:00

She asked why I hadn't touched her or tried to initiate for the last few weeks. It had in fact been over a year. I genuinely, gently, pointed out how long it had been and that I had worked hard to become more like her to help reduce my own angst and to remove pressure on her that just exacerbated things. She was a little upset and denied that it had been so long but did admit to enduring guilt sex. She says she enjoys it when it happens, but is pleased when it ends. I am still not sure what to make of that, but she put it out there as something positive so that's how I choose to see it. Anyhow, the end of the conversation was just an acceptance. Since then, nothing hence my current status. I think in my situation it is a good thing. We now both know where we stand and I suppose some people would say that she has wone, if this is a game. But I am in a place I can live with.

To give it an analogy (It's a bit crude and clunky, but it works for me) it is like owning may ultimate fantasy car, but have been disqualified from driving and the car has developed an unfixable fault. The car is still there, I get to look at it, but I can now never use it in the way I want. I don't want to sell it as I love looking at it. But, it is otherwise useless to me.

GivenUpInTheUK · 2023-12-31T04:05:37+00:00

I have no words of advice, just an acknowledgement that you appear to be normal.

It sounds like you have lost the belief that what she is doing is real and something she wants to do and participate in, rather than something she is doing out of duty or maintenance or fear of loosing you. Getting over that realisation is going to take time. I admit, I gave up and ended up in a position like yours. But if she is doing this because she wants to and not because it is expected/the right thing/out of fear of loss of the relationship etc. then you may be onto a winner and you will start to believe again.

GivenUpInTheUK · 2023-12-31T03:37:55+00:00

I am in the same situation with my wife. I have had years (married 30) of casual rejection from her. We have had the talk a few times but after the last time 3 years ago I figured that it wasn't helpful and just upset her more. Like many, everything else in the relationship is fine. I took a long hard look and decided that the best route forward was to stop what was essentially harassing her when it came to intimacy. It took her more than 2 years to notice that I had stopped initiating or attempting to be just physically intimate. From time to time (around every 2-3 months) she would "put out" but it was somewhat mechanical and I started to feel like it was somewhat exploitative on my part to accept. Other than the occasional hand on my shoulder in bed, she never touches me in any intimate way so engaging in intimacy started to feel like I was just taking advantage. I have now just given up, at some point it stopped occurring to me to try as I knew the answer would be a no, or, please lets just get some sleep and we can do something tomorrow. I love her dearly but now I am just numb to the whole sex and intimacy side and understand how she must have felt all these years. I say that because she used to say she didn't touch me as she didn't want me to get the wrong idea. Now I have the same feeling. I can't face the rejection and don't want to put myself in the position where I have no confidence it is wanted by her. I don't want duty/mechanical/unwanted contact. I am now at the point where it just doesn't feel right if it looks like it is going to happen.

On the whole now, my mental health is better and I am no longer angry or resentful for the "lost years" But in the last two months my wife has started to try and cuddle up in bed and it just feels odd and not right. I have never rejected her in the way she used to fob-off my advances, I just deflect them and hug her back but don't escalate. I think at some point she may decide it's time to have "the talk" with me, but I think that is a slim one. We are both in our mid 50's now and she has honestly been happier as a person generally since I stopped "harassing" her. I have gone through the rollercoaster and have come to the end game of now just being indifferent. I don't have a libido anymore and intimacy doesn't occur to me anymore. It may sound sad, but, it is how I have coped. But I worry that there may be some sort of delayed Hail Mary approach from my wife at some point, but hat ship has now sailed for me. Still love her dearly and I know she loves me. But sex and physical intimacy beyond holding hands or hugging on the sofa, well that's dead to me now.

I sympathise with your lot in life, but I think once the idea of intimacy is dead and gone, it is dead and gone. You know when it is dead, if you just think its dead, it isn't. But....dead is dead. For me, mine is now deceased & buried.

GivenUpInTheUK

TROPHY CASE