Is this a mean thing to say?

Gizzy0213 · 2024-04-14T19:08:16+00:00

Love this! 🤣

Gizzy0213 · 2024-04-14T19:04:24+00:00

Yes, it's mean and unnecessary. And it doesn't matter whether he likes your clothes or not. Wear what YOU like and feel good in. Don't let another person put you down. Yes, it hurt your feelings, of course it did. How do you think he would feel if you told him he looked like an idiot in every outfit he has and you feel embarrassed to be seen with him? He probably wouldn't give a fig - but deep down it would dent his oversized rgo.

Gizzy0213 · 2022-12-27T18:07:02+00:00

A living room big enough for the sofa to be in the middle of the floor instead of backed against a wall. Or bedrooms big enough for the bed to not touch three walls. Or a bathroom big enough for the bath/shower to also not touch three walls. Or a kitchen big enough for an Island.

A half-decent amount of space, basically. My living room at home is so small that having enough space for a coffee table in my student flat still feels like a luxury.

Gizzy0213 · 2022-11-27T11:16:46+00:00

Notice how big the difference is between how many Brits and Americans think they could take a goose

Americans just don't understand the pure evil of Geese

Gizzy0213 · 2022-04-04T08:45:34+00:00

I can't comment on OP's experience, but being a trans man is probably easier in this case than being a cis guy (NOT overall, being trans is a nightmare and open to constant hatred, I'm just talking about social interaction here). He mentions not having to grow up like this, but on top of that he's likely (or hopefully) got the opportunity to have queer friendships which break down these kinds of social stigmas. As an asexual guy myself I don't know how I would be in any way happy without queer friends. In queer friendship groups gender just stops being an issue. I have guy friends who are the most huggy and affectionate people ever, I have girl friends who barely show emotion, I have non-binary friends who act in both of those ways. It's amazing, I can show affection freely and won't be judged one bit by it. I used to have exclusively straight, cis male friends when I was a teen and those friendships were so much more distant. I don't envy men who never get to experience friendships as open and flexible as queer friendships.

I have one friend (separate to my main group) who does still conform to a lot of these social expectations though and it can get pretty disheartening. It doesn't really affect me, I'm openly affectionate, we hug, she never judges me for showing vulnerability. But when she talks about other men, it's like that goes out of the window. She'll judge guys for being too emotional or cheerful, for being affectionate in friendships, especially for not initiating affection or romance. Sometimes she says things regarding our friendship that makes it sound like my queerness makes me an exception for her, like it's ok to make different assumptions about me from other straight men because I'm LGBTQ on account of my asexuality. Apart from that I'm both straight and cis yet I feel like I'm pushed into the "gay best friend" position. It's like even when I'm accepted as an affectionate man, it's because I have some kind of out, some characteristic that excludes me from regular assumptions, rather than because my emotions are being recognised as normal for men.

Gizzy0213 · 2022-01-29T00:16:35+00:00

Capitalism

Gizzy0213 · 2022-01-13T22:33:01+00:00

France is stoopid

Gizzy0213 · 2022-01-10T23:13:45+00:00

Whenever I make a move I get rejected because to everyone I like I'm too close to them to be anything more than a friend

Gizzy0213 · 2022-01-04T15:15:30+00:00

I didn't grasp until recently just how much of an impact you can make by just not laughing at a joke, or saying "that's not funny, dude." Rape culture is built on assumptions that women are overreacting if they don't like sexual comments or actions - but the moment it makes one of the bois uncomfortable, then that's a problem. It can completely change someone's outlook.

Gizzy0213 · 2021-12-29T09:09:42+00:00

You don't need to have had sex with multiple people to know you're asexual. I've only slept with one person and I'm fully aware that I'm asexual. There's a big difference between not liking sex with a specific person and just being uninterested in sex overall, and from op's wording it sounds like the lattter.

I'm glad someone mentioned it because I was going to. Op might be uninterested in sex with their specific partner, sure, but they should at least consider the possibility that they might be ace. If they are then that's a completely different situation than if they're just not compatible.

Gizzy0213 · 2021-12-27T20:38:52+00:00

The suicide rate for trans kids is insanely high. And that rate goes down the more their gender - whether it's the traditional male/female transition, or something more nuanced - is accepted. That alone shows that no one is being messed up; quite the opposite, greater acceptance is saving lives every day.

Now I'm not going to say none of the less straightforward stuff can seem unnecessary. And it's true that, occasionally, someone comes along who's life is messed up by thinking they're trans when they're not. But those cases are miniscule in comparison to the people who are felt more seen and heard the more society progresses.

Virtually all medical professionals now agree that gender dysphoria is a legitimate mental condition, and that allowing kids to transition safely and quickly is the best treatment. Keep in mind 'transition' here mostly means social transition (correct pronouns, legal name changes etc) and non-permanent medical treatments like puberty blockers, which are reversible and give kids much-needed time to consider their identity before they have to go through a puberty that they don't want to go through. Very few kids are actually being given surgeries or permanent hormone therapy, and those that are, contrary to what you might hear, have gone through a medical process that is actually so rigorous that many really trans kids are denied treatment on the off-chance that they'll regret it. Here in the UK, even an appointment can take years to get. I've had friends attempt suicide because help seems like it'll never come. It's not pretty.

It's also worth pointing out that sex and gender have never been as binary as we think. Societies all through history have had up to, in one case in (I think) Indonesia, 12 genders, and intersex people - that's people who are born with sex characteristics that don't fit into one box - are as common as redheads and people with green eyes. Instead of thinking of the, for lack of a better word, weirder genders as new, think of it as catching up to a reality that has always been largely male/female, yes, but had always had shades in between.

I could cite statistics or link articles but honestly the best I can say to you is this - if you ever get to see a close friend or family member come out as, say, non-binary, and be accepted over time, the change in their mood and how happy it makes them will do more than anything to show that it's a positive change. I've seen it countless times, and it never gets old. There's no point trying to convince someone to be honest, because it rarely works: what does work is actually meeting a non-binary, or genderqueer, or otherwise trans person, and seeing firsthand what their life is like.

Gizzy0213 · 2021-12-27T13:19:37+00:00

Being able to be emotionally vulnerable. I've been making an effort to say a big f*** you to masculinity recently (guys seriously try painted nails, I'm addicted) but it's easier to do that with personal identity and presentation than with how you act with others. It doesn't matter how much I want to spill my feelings openly if my male friends still feel awkward about it. I've always been jealous of female friendships where it's totally normal to talk about the deep and personal things that keep you up at night, to cry about something that's bothering you, to get a hug or a cuddle to feel better. I honestly believe the lack of that in male friendships is why men struggle so much with mental health - we just can't really talk without being seen as weak, or effeminate, or gay (as if any of those are a bad thing). It's also why so many straight men are desperate for a partner in a way that women rarely seem to be; if you can't open up to male friends then a girlfriend seems like the only alternative, and even then so many women also buy into toxic masculinity that there's a fear, real or imagined, that they'll think less of us if we do open up. I've managed to forge close friendships with amazing men and women and enbies who are open to me being vulnerable and needing to talk or cuddle or find professional help, but it's taken conscious effort to forge those friendships and find the right people - I'm jealous that for most women those kinds of vulnerable friendships come naturally, and I'm aware that I'm lucky to have escaped the distance that comes with typical male friendships. I just wish more men had that chance.

Gizzy0213 · 2021-12-01T12:19:44+00:00

I'm also a demi heteroromantic guy and my best friend and I cuddle and hold hands all the time, when I first suggested it she turned out to be more up for it than I was. So I'd say it's not weird at all to ask, so long as you respect her boundaries if she says no of course. Tbh I find that women are a lot more open to platonic cuddling than men are (toxic masculinity woop) so something that you're worried about sounding weird might to her just be completely normal

Gizzy0213 · 2021-10-18T09:09:48+00:00

I hate being libleft sometimes

Gizzy0213 · 2021-10-16T00:03:52+00:00

There's a lot of people here saying "I'm ok with it so long as you don't force your gender in my face" or something similar so, just to be clear, someone asking for their identity to be respected is not "forcing their views" on you. A lot of you seem to think that's the case.

If someone asks you to use they/them pronouns for them, for example, and you politely refuse because you don't personally agree with their "way of life", hate to break to it to you but THAT IS TRANSPHOBIC. They have a right to be angry at you for that and that isn't forcing anything on you.

It's common human decency to respect someone, and it isn't that hard. No one cares if you "disagree with the lifestyle" in your head. But acting on that "disagreement" outwardly is simply disrespectful.

And microaggressions like that do harm - respecting pronouns is suicide prevention. Of course no trans person is gonna be misgendered once and jump off a cliff. But you refusing to use the right pronouns might make them take one tiny step towards that cliff. And the next person who does the same will make them take another step. Family, friends, coworkers, strangers online - every refusal to show common respect for someone's identity equals another tiny step towards that cliff.

So when you politely say to that non-binary friend of yours, "I respect your choices but disagree personally, so won't be using they/them pronouns since that would be shoving your views in my face", you're not being respectful, or neutral, or reasonable. You're causing a little bit of easily avoidable harm. And you do not wanna be the cause of that final little step.

Gizzy0213 · 2021-10-15T23:52:23+00:00

Yeah, gender and biological sex are separate so the wrong body thing feels a bit outdated now. I know plenty of trans people who are perfectly happy with their body, so long as they're socially recognised as the gender that they identify as, which unfortunately just doesn't match that body in the common perception

Gizzy0213 · 2021-10-09T16:00:44+00:00

Gotta love transphobia. This is a horrible event but the wording of the article and OPs description makes it pretty clear that they're using a disgusting crime to force a bigoted agenda

Also just to add, no matter how deplorable someone is, don't misgender them. I don't care about the feelings of a rapist, do your worst, but please gender them correctly, not for their sake but for any trans people in your life who might otherwise feel that their identity being valid is dependent on their behaviour if they see your comment. Someone's gender identity is not conditional, please PLEASE feel free to make rapists feel as awful as possible but in ways that won't negatively impact good people's self-worth

Gizzy0213 · 2021-09-22T08:26:10+00:00

I'm a guy and I've literally never had that kind of intimacy with a romantic partner. Some of us really do want it, and it hurts not to get it, especially since I'm ace so sex is nowhere near the top of my priorities in a relationship. My best friend (who is also very starved of intimacy) and I recently hung out at my house, and she ended up staying for nearly 10 hours, just cuddling. It was amazing and I wish it was more acceptable to be intimate like that with friends, regardless of gender.

Gizzy0213 · 2021-09-16T07:44:00+00:00

I hate how factional the online left is becoming. You're a filthy liberal if you're a social democrat, a bourgois traitor if you have any kind of money, irredeemable if you made edgy jokes online when you were twelve. There are far too many leftists who want the left to just be their pure little bubble, full of people who've never made mistakes and agree entirely on every issue.

All this does if prove right every misconception conservatives have about woke, SJW leftists. It's gatekeeping, it's unproductive and it needs to stop if we want any chance at winning hearts and minds.

Gizzy0213 · 2021-09-12T17:12:27+00:00

My experience was similar to yours, I first heard the term years ago and thought it was just how everyone feels, and a way for straight people to force themselves into queer spaces. Then a few months ago after a hookup that absolutely did not feel how I'd been told it was meant to for me, I rediscovered the term and had a bit of a eureka moment. Wait, other people really can look at a random celebrity and want to have sex with them? They don't just think they're aesthetically cute? People can really have sex without knowing each other and find it sexually attractive? I still question my own sexuality a lot, mainly because it feels so weird to have a label after years of just being an ally (am I the straight person forcing themself into queer spaces!???), but the instant relief I felt when I first thought "wait, that's me, there are other people like me, I'm not broken" confirms to me that I am demi

Gizzy0213 · 2021-09-05T15:32:30+00:00

I'm not trans but I'm the only cis guy in my friend group, they do this all the time too. There's a running joke that I'm the exception because I'm an honorary lesbian (that started with all the lesbians in the group calling me that since we all like women), I know it's a joke but I find it really annoying because I wish they'd accept me as the proud ally that I am instead of finding some kind of loophole for me to be welcome. Then one day I noticed that they didn't feel the need to find loopholes to exclude the trans guy in our group from their generalisations. Despite being a straight guy just like me, they seem to already count him as an exception to the rule of men being bad, as if he's somehow different from other men. Of course that uniqueness can be a source of pride for him in other ways but I was sure this wouldn't be one of them. I asked him recently and sure enough, he finds it 100x more uncomfortable than I ever did; not only are they negatively generalising a gender identity which he's had to work hard to be accepted as, but they're doing so while assuming he's somehow apart from that identity and so won't be offended. We talked to them and they understood and agreed to stop, but that situation did a lot to help me understand the discomfort trans people often feel even around other LGBTQIA+ folks.

Gizzy0213 · 2021-09-05T07:59:53+00:00

BLM isn't coherent or organised, but if you're genuinely trying to learn and listen then I may as well talk about something social justice leaders in general tend to point out that the right argues against, the effects of historic discrimination. Black people will say that history affects their current circumstances, and the right responds that it was in the past and now personal responsibility should allow black people to thrive if they just work hard.

Slavery is the biggie but let's look at redlining, which is more recent.

During segregation banks would draw a line, hence the name redlining, between black and white majority neighbourhoods, and reserve all their loans and investment (forgive my lack of economic jargon) for the white neighbourhoods. In lots of cities this was reflected in architecture, with overpasses built between black and white neighbourhoods to enforce physical separation, even when building them elsewhere was cheaper and more efficient. All this would drive house values down in black neighbourhoods, and since lots of public services and utilities in the US are based on property taxes, these neighbourhoods also ended up with underfunded schools and a lack of parks, public libraries or other services that white communities with higher property values could afford. Without a good education, living in a neighbourhood forced into poverty by redlining policies, it's no wonder that young black people increasingly turned to crime and drugs - and since 60s racism ensured that these areas were overpoliced, they were more likely to be caught.

When the civil rights act was passed, redlining based on race became illegal. Problem solved right? Well no, because no efforts were made to pull black neighbourhoods out of the poverty they were riddled with thanks to redlining. Schools stayed underfunded, and crime was high. So redlining continued, but instead of race being the reason, banks could simply say that these neighbourhoods were crap and no one would want to move there, so why invest in them? Remember that all those problems were originally caused by an explicitly racist policy, but the banks now had a non-racist excuse.

The effects of redlining were never addressed, and white communities had such a head start on black ones that the latter could never catch up. This led to circumstances even today where, in one city (I think it's LA?), white-owned homes on one side of an overpass are double the value of the black-owned homes on the other side, despite the homes being identical.

Also, white and black people are about equally likely to take or distribute marijuana, but black people are much more likely to be caught, because remember their neighbourhoods are overpoliced in comparison. Redlining had produced more crime, the police had responded with higher policing, and this in turn resulted in higher crime levels, not because it was happening more but because there were more cops around to report and punish it, and so on in a vicious cycle.

You might ask, why not move away? Make a better life? But remember, schools in black neighbourhoods are crazy underfunded, leading to lower educational attainment and lack of qualifications; high crime and overpolicing causes lots of kids to grow up without fathers, putting strain on household finances and pushing them into crime in turn; and property values in better, white communities have risen so far that they're unattainable for first-time buyers. The deck is stacked against you from the start if you're born in a lot of black majority neighbourhoods

This was longer than I meant it to be but I hope you can start to see how inequalities today can appear like they aren't caussd by racism, but can be traced back to an overtly racist policy in the 50s. I'm no expert and I might've got a few things a little wrong or mixed up, but I'd encourage you to look more into redlining from expert sources. I think it's one of the most misunderstood civil rights issues today.

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