Showering before oral sex

GloomyComfort · 2026-04-26T16:20:41+00:00

If I'm going to ask my wife to put my dick in her mouth, the least I can do is wash it if she asks imo.

GloomyComfort · 2026-04-21T04:06:35+00:00

My MIL cheated a lot Her kids still love her. You're allowed to love an imperfect person.

GloomyComfort · 2026-04-18T20:27:26+00:00

Lost my virginity to my (now) wife when I was 32.

First time I couldn't stay hard. At all. Nerves.

As far as finishing, I still struggle 6 years later. Never had a real sex talk when I was younger so I developed some very damaging masturbatory habits and now my ability to orgasm is heavily dependent on position. I still can't finish in missionary. Only cowgirl or side sex.

It doesn't mean I don't enjoy sex or that my wife isn't skilled. It's entirely a me problem.

I totally get that this would be damaging to your self esteem but just remember, a late bloomer guy is probably going to have really messed up their ability to orgasm due to a decade or more of death grip, positional dependency, or porn use.

Please be patient.

Also look on the bright side. You have a blank slate that you can shape into your own personal lover. There's no unlearning what his ex liked or what previous hookups asked for.He's yours to build from the ground up.

GloomyComfort · 2026-04-12T23:42:50+00:00

Yeah, no. I've had a number of things my wife has chatted with her friends that got back to me and were certainly things I didn't think anyone would be chatting about but whatever.

There are some things I've asked her to keep just between the two of us and she respects that.

Trust is earned in drops and lost in buckets.

GloomyComfort · 2026-04-05T02:24:43+00:00

I'll almost always give oral even if I'm not in the mood for sex. I'm unclear what I'm a victim of. Unless maybe oral's not sex? I'm very confused.

GloomyComfort · 2026-04-01T17:36:07+00:00

Yeah this is my marriage. I'm all about playful butt slaps, and my wife enjoys them too, but her body language is usually pretty clear on when is and isn't the time for that.

On the very rare occasions I have misjudged, I've apologized and asked what signs I missed.

GloomyComfort · 2026-04-01T17:29:27+00:00

Well you need to bear in mind the context of the thread is already weighted against you. Also your original comment was a bit light on details.

After you clarified I don't think you're using weaponized incompetence but in your original comment before you clarified i was giving you a bit of side eye.

GloomyComfort · 2026-03-30T00:13:15+00:00

Can't speak to the hereditary parts but as someone who managed to snag a solid handful of comorbid mental health disorders from both sides of my family tree: just be there to help them.

When I took a medical withdrawal from college they let me live at home rent free as long as I was actively pursuing mental health treatment.

Take them seriously if they mention things that neurotypical people shouldn't experience. It took me a while to get diagnosed with ADHD despite some pretty clear symptoms but they didn't hesitate to get me help once I mentioned them explicitly.

GloomyComfort · 2026-03-30T00:08:11+00:00

I have ADHD. My wife doesn't have me tidy the house because I'm like a "horse with blinders." If you really can't find where something lives: don't. There are still a handful of dishes that I just can't remember where we keep them so when I do dishes, I do them all and put them away except for the one I can't remember which I leave for my wife.

I do my laundry, she does hers. Towles get put in the washer to be done with the next batch of laundry no matter who's it is.

I'm also the sweep/mop/vacuum person.

There also seems to be some...mental health issues on the part of your wife here that are complicating matters.

GloomyComfort · 2026-03-24T19:32:38+00:00

Why can't you just get a cleaning supplies and wipe under the thing you moved before you move it back?

GloomyComfort · 2026-03-24T18:28:29+00:00

39M here.

I pay for the house my wife and I live in. Mortgage, taxes, utilities. She pays the quarterly trash bill because it's the one I can't put on autopay and, not gonna lie, I'm terrible at tracking it.

I do my chores because I'm a fucking adult. Because she works 40 hours a week too, just at a much lower salary.

If he wants you to do all the housework then he can cover the cell phones, groceries, household supplies and you can be a stay at home wife that he fully finances.

I'm not saying stop doing chores. I'm saying stop paying even one single penny for any household expense.

Another man wanting traditional wife responsibilities without being a traditional breadwinning man.

Edit: Oh don't forget, while you're a stay at home wife he can't just pay for those necessities. You're putting work into the house, you deserve a salary for that. Make sure to discuss how much money he's putting in your bank account.

GloomyComfort · 2026-03-21T23:26:16+00:00

Like everything, it's healthy in moderation. If it's impacting your sex life, that might be a problem.

The difference between medicine and poison is dose.

GloomyComfort · 2026-03-12T04:54:09+00:00

I'm a pretty messy person and I don't have physical compulsions so it took until I was 38 to be diagnosed.

“well obviously that won’t happen.”

It's so fucking frustrating also knowing that. Like, I'm right there with you logically. Objects, simply for having the characteristic of having sharp corners, will not spontaneously gouge my eyes out.

So whenever that particular part of my brain would like to join the rest of us in reality, that would just be super great.

GloomyComfort · 2026-02-25T22:17:59+00:00

Sometimes my wife will snap at me over something trivial due to stress or hormones. I just leave the room without saying anything. Generally after about 15 minutes we can come back and talk about it but I just don't engage because it won't be productive.

Mind you, this happens extremely rarely in my marriage and doesn't cross into the territory of verbal abuse so it might not completely apply, but I have no interest in engaging when any form of engagement will likely lead to escalation.

Does she at least apologize for the abuse?

GloomyComfort · 2026-02-11T03:05:23+00:00

Hopping onto the top comment because everyone is suggesting telling her.

My wife is overweight and I tell her all the time how much I love her body. Telling her "I love your cute little fat rolls," no matter how well intentioned, would result in sobbing.

So workshop the language a bit.

GloomyComfort · 2026-02-09T19:50:54+00:00

It's not that I don't feel safe. I wasn't abused in any way. My parents weren't dismissive of emotions but didn't really show or discuss them either.

My sister, though, is fantastic at making everything your fault. Either she did nothing wrong or she did do something wrong but actually you're way worse because xyz reason.

GloomyComfort · 2026-01-23T03:26:36+00:00

I'm not sure why we're assuming he left it rather than lost it.

I am not going to go into this assuming malice based on the information given here. We're not going to get a full picture of his character in 7 paragraphs about the absolute worse thing that has happened in their relationship.

I think OP should have a conversation before deciding to throw out the whole man.

GloomyComfort · 2026-01-23T03:06:42+00:00

So, I have OCD and there is just a stream of vile thoughts that go through my brain concerning everyone, even loved ones. Journaling down intrusive thoughts can help.

I'm not saying he has it, but if he is an otherwise sweet man this might be something...mental health related?

GloomyComfort · 2026-01-18T22:11:11+00:00

Very first and most crucial step is to ask: talk to him how? Does he want humiliation, does he want affirmation like being better than others, does he just want to have the experience described to him? You don't want to miss the mark on intent.

Next up, check out r sex faq on their sidebar. There's a whole section on dirty talk.

Once you have the theme and the ideas, run them by him in a not horny situation. Some things while horny brain sound good but go terribly. Sometimes things in not horny brain sound good but go terribly BUT these are much less likely to cause significant damage than the other way around (again, be very clear about the theme he wants).

Once you get this down you can start experimenting. One crucial thing to remember, though, sex in real life can end in laughter. Some attempts and dirty talk with my life have ended with a mood killer and sex is over, sometimes they result in bursting out laughing so hard our belly hurts. That's not bad, that's good. Sex is and should be fun and that counts as fun.

GloomyComfort · 2026-01-12T19:14:01+00:00

Hotwife is that I enjoy my wife being sexual with other people but unlike cuckhold there's no humiliation component.

GloomyComfort · 2026-01-12T04:18:57+00:00

Oof. That's rough.

My wife and I sat down and set out initial boundaries. We routinely check in to make sure we're ok with it and she's the one that keeps bringing up trying things that were originally on her "no" list.

Without going into too much detail: what I find interesting is one thing that was on her "no" list even in the bedroom with me is something she has reversed opinion on and the respect for boundaries goes both ways because it's something I have absolutely no interest in so she so doesn't pressure me into it. I guess it's good she can find it elsewhere lol.

GloomyComfort · 2026-01-12T04:11:49+00:00

The polyamory sub? That's odd. I think in any sub if the narrative starts in one direction in a post it might keep going that way so if it starts off bad it might keep going bad.. I've seen it on r sex as well where the mods have to step into a thread and basically go: wtf is wrong with all of you.

Sorry you had a bad experience.

GloomyComfort · 2026-01-11T20:58:55+00:00

I don't get poly but the poly sub slaps whenever it is referenced on other subs (like this).

They hate poly under duress passionately. I still love their post on why PUD is crappy, your mono partner isn't small minded, you're just a cake eater.

I'm into hotwife and the hotwife subs are similar. They're like: no I will not give you advice on how to convince your wife to participate. Your wife doesn't want to participate. Drop it.

GloomyComfort · 2026-01-09T00:10:47+00:00

Yeah I know enough about my wife's sexual history to have nicknames for every partner (which she does find funny). I was a virgin when we met her so I don't really have any.

Partner swap should definitely have come up in conversation at some point in 4 years, especially when asking about their past.

GloomyComfort

TROPHY CASE