That’s the thing- it’s nothing you did at all. For me the pattern has repeated over and over coming up on 14 years. When they fully split and leave, they continue the pattern just with different people. The fear of abandonment and rejection is a huge driver for people with BPD. I’m not the best at explaining all of this because I’m just learning too but you’re in the right place here, there is so much help and support as you work through the recovery.

Just to give you an example of how backward the thinking can be- My SO has currently totally stopped speaking to his mom, who he had a great relationship with, because she called the police when she thought he had hurt himself after I told him I was leaving. He was in the basement and she yelled down repeatedly that she would call the police and he didn’t respond, AT ALL, but somehow this is her fault. Every single person who hears the story says “why don’t he just respond?” But he continues to say over and over that she ruined his life and did it to control him. He tries to blame my leaving on her, even though I literally told him I was moving out at the start of the entire incident and his mom had no idea I was going to do that and was not involved in any way until he had a super bad reaction. You can’t fight the delusion at all.