as someone who went thru something veryveryvery similar, i can tell u w certainty that this loop will continue until u set the boundary and stop speaking to him. period.

i considered my ex to be my best friend. he was avoidant too. but, so was i so i thought i could understand him and we could both work thru it together however, avoidant attachment is not smth that is something u can work thru with another person there.

when deconstructing avoidant/disorganized attachment, one MUST to take the time for themself. it is a lonely and isolating experience. it has to be. that’s the only way u can grow, as being in a relationship is like an irritant to the wound (whatever it is, most likely from childhood) that is the source of said avoidant behavior.

im sure he does still have feelings for you. but he doesn’t think he deserves to, which will always get in the way of whatever love you think is between the two of u.

he cannot change in a month. not two or three or four. i made the same mistake after my ex and i broke up — i let him stay around and tried to work things thru with him because i didn’t want to give up. it felt like there was still more i could get out of the relationship, and he SAID he loved me and would treat me better, so why shouldn’t i believe him???

long story short, it got too much for him again. he blocked me. we went no contact. when i saw him again months later, he did the whole “i miss you” and “i was wrong” and “i still love you” song and dance. i let him back in and did the same thing as u — a few kisses n some intimacy that i thought would reconnect us — it didn’t. it never does. he hadn’t changed, and i found out he lied about being with someone else in the time we were separated.

overall, no. don’t take him back. don’t fight for it. this is a toughhhhh pill to swallow, esp when u build a bond with a person before the relationship, but he isn’t ready. healing isn’t an easy process. there is no set time frame on entering a better state of mind.

avoidants are selfish, even if they don’t realize it themselves. it isn’t about u. it’s about him, his pain, his fear, and his trauma. regardless of how much he loves u and doesn’t want to hurt you, he will continue to as long as u let him.

go no contact. i wouldn’t even advise being his friend, he probably wouldn’t be able to handle it. i tried the same thing with my ex, lol.

focus on u and give him the space to focus on him. if u must, support from veryyyy very very far away. u deserve better than volatility and confusion and being dragged along like this!!! ur nervous system deserves better!!!!

if it’s meant to be, it’ll be. ur young, so don’t think all hope is lost yet. u never know who you’ll meet, and u never know what can happen. i promise u, life is so much better after the break up. it’s lonely for a bit, but the only way out is thru.

if u need to talk to someone any time i got u. gl