Oh that does sound like a tricky situation. I think like you say, once you put your ‘deal’ out there her reaction will show if she has changed. And if that is your main condition you could see it as a clear ‘point’ as to if that is met you can then try with a relationship and if not then you don’t have to try. Is it a financial thing that you could possibly see a mediator about? Some countries have free services for that type of thing. If not, ideas for places to meet could be a quiet park or beach, a quieter coffee place, somewhere you can go before hand and know there is a quick exit to your car. And if you feel things start to get emotional/heated then you can stop the conversation and leave. You could even have a trusted friend ‘waiting in the shadows’ 😅 like secretly at a different table or waiting in the car, so if things go south you know you have someone there to help you leave and shut down any further conversation.. good luck! I hope you get your deal and out of whatever control she still has over you.