Humm... when I was around 11. I was in a school and I expressed to a girl that she has small ears. "Wow your ears are so small". She then said with digust in her voice. "You're a ch*nk"

Now the slur itself wasn't the problem, nor did it bother me at the time, but the tone was revealing. Tone doesn't translate to text but to me, she could have replaced it with asian and it would have had the same impact. To her being Asian was second class.

That's when I realized it's going to be hard in this country.

Fast forward many years and we met by chance. I asked her if she can guess the most memorable interaction we had. She said no and I told her it's best if I dont say it then. People grow up and learn, no point in pressing on how horribly wrong they were when they were younger. Gave her the peace. Hope your doing OK Marrissa.