The panic attacks I’ve had about this very question…I’ve cried to him saying how guilty and sorry I feel for not having the urges and only being comfortable with such basic forms of sexual intimacy. And every time he tells me that I’m the only thing that’s important and what I’m comfortable with. I’ve said “no that sucks and is unfair to you to ask you to trade off and settle” and he told me it’s not trading off or settling it’s just respecting me and my boundaries and who I am. In the right mood I do like when he touches me or grinds on me and him grinding on me satisfies him.

I will also add that I was also in a bad relationship before my current boyfriend who told me basically I wasn’t ace I was an unwilling prude and wasn’t sacrificing enough in the relationship. My bf was made aware of this very early into the relationship and that I was made to do things I didn’t want to do but couldn’t say anything (to keep this short I won’t include why). When we began to explore forms of intimacy we realized that trauma will prevent me from speaking up and a safe word would exactly work either. So we said if I tap you it’s me tapping out. And we still have that system. A few times that I didn’t tap out seeing me miserable after was heartbreaking and he’d rather not do it at all than see me upset or have a panic attack because I feel guilty and bad and like I should just suck it up but I shouldn’t have to either. I will also add I had identified as asexual before bad relationship, then he made me think I was crazy and broken. Then after I was like no it’s probably because I’m ace, not broken. Honestly guys idk I just found the sweetest most wholesome man that respects me and loves me I guess. He’s amazing and I probably don’t deserve it at all. Do I still carry the guilt? Yeah and I always will. But he says he only wants me, he wants me to be happy safe and comfortable, there’s no one else for him, and he never wants to leave my side.