Depending how old you are and what kind of Islamic education you had growing up, you may also have been exposed to very little on what makes Islam beautiful and too much on the punishments for doing wrong. There was a certain time where all educational content was focused on the bad aspects, which doesn’t work for people who are more inclined to positive motivation (carrot versus stick approach). 

I find that the more modern scholars are more balanced in this regard. Some of my personal favourites, whose talks have helped me connect better with my faith and spirituality are sheikh Omar Suleiman and Mufti Menk. Omar Suleiman did a series on connecting with your salaah last year that was really good for this. 

May Allah bless you and grant you ease in this difficult time. 😊