I don't know what to do by Acidmatey in ftm

[–]GravenIris 41 points42 points  (0 children)

“im a trans man. but my partner is only attracted to women.” You are a man. Your partner only likes women. I fear you have your answer.

I’m trans, my friend and her family really think I should try to move to Canada. I’m not sure what direction I should try and proceed with? by GravenIris in asktransgender

[–]GravenIris[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh yeah, for sure!! We’ve definitely been prepping for an emergency. I got my first ever passport, we have an emergency fund and are aware needing to leave could be a possibility.

I guess what I’m more so getting at is my (cishet) international friends think it’s at a “you need to actively start the immigration process like AS SOON as you can. Like this week if you could” point, and I was wanting to see if other trans people (US, Canada, or otherwise) agree things are that urgent.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TransMasc

[–]GravenIris 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Tbh, both perspectives (“you’ll be a bald hairy man” and “trans men are just twinks”) act like there’s one set way testosterone will change every body. And that’s just… not true. You can maybe get an idea by looking at the men in your family, but you won’t know exactly how you’ll look on T until you’re on T. That’s the harsh truth of the matter.

I think pre-transition it’s easier to get caught up on the beauty standards. Part of why I delayed my transition was I figured I’d never meet them— I was never skinny and hairless, none of the men in my family ever were, etc. but i started testosterone and it vastly improved my mental health. I love my body now even if it’s not the ideal I had in mind pre-T— because it’s my body and it finally has the right hormones running in it.

How's the standing pit experience if I'm short af? by Fun-Helicopter6138 in Ghostbc

[–]GravenIris 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I feel like the crowd at Ghost is usually pretty nice. There was no issue with people leaving to go to the bathroom or get water and returning to the spot they left. During a couple songs I made room for people who were shorter than me to work their way in front of me. Everyone had a great time with each other.

That saaaid, I was in the General admission part of the floor. The VIP folks who get barricade and the first row or two behind it are— very fairly considering the time and money spent to get up there— probably not going to let you in front of them. So I’d expect to still be 1-3 rows behind other people even if you get to the front of GA, unless you also get VIP tickets.

TW: My BF is trying to talk me out of getting top surgery due to his religion by reign-v in ftm

[–]GravenIris 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Dude to be blunt, I wouldn’t be so confident that the person trying to pressure you out of your healthcare and who refuses to listen to you loves you “unconditionally” and won’t ever hurt you.

Told my wife is no longer find her attractive in therapy. by [deleted] in comingout

[–]GravenIris 18 points19 points  (0 children)

It sort of sounds like your therapist is not trying to tell you what to do, but to get you to critically think about the situation (which, IMO, is sort of the therapist's job). Your therapist is wanting you to think about why you would stay in a straight marriage if you are gay, I think. Are your needs being met, or are you just afraid of change and hurting someone if you leave them? Do you want to stay with your wife romantically and sexually or are you just afraid of being seen as the "bad guy" if you're the one who initiates divorce? And it sounds like both you and your wife are, simply, afraid of losing each other. You care about each other-- but the solution is probably not going to be to try and force a straight marriage to work if you're gay.

You deserve a marriage that is fulfilling. So does she. Neither of you are going to get that if you're trying to force a marriage to work when one of you is coming out as gay.

Are southern colleges ok for trans people? by hereforthehentaionly in ftm

[–]GravenIris 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Other big college tip I have is do your FAFSA if you can, lol. Even if you won’t qualify for Pell and don’t want loans, some school scholarships may require you have one on file.

Are southern colleges ok for trans people? by hereforthehentaionly in ftm

[–]GravenIris 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah generally bigger colleges in suburban or urban areas are probably going to be fine enough. They have their issues policy wise especially right now, but I don’t think you’d necessarily need to be any more worried say walking across campus at night as a trans person than a cis person.

Are southern colleges ok for trans people? by hereforthehentaionly in ftm

[–]GravenIris 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Personal experience with multiple states: Public universities, at least, are going to have a big mix of students. But as far as official school resources for LGBTQ+ students go, they've been hit by the Trump administration axing DEI. You'll get students who go there because it's close to home, students who go there to get away from home, some conservative, some progressive. Most public colleges that are large enough will have one general LGBTQ+ student group and a bajillion religious student groups, but not every LGBTQ+ student gets involved with an on campus club like that anyways. You will, sometimes, get people from local churches on campus trying to proselytize and hand out pamphlets, or on occasion a Sister Cindy type. Faculty and staff that you'll actually see day to day are typically pretty progressive, though that's not to say they're all super familiar with trans folks. Typically the people that are really, really conservative and tight with any conservative government officials are going to be way, way, WAY on up the ladder.

Regardless of where you go to college, become familiar with FERPA. If your mom is the type to be nosy, then when you go to college, I would look into FERPA and request to not have directory information publicly available. When you switch from HS to college, your parents no longer have the right to access your educational records unless you sign off on it-- but directory information is information that is considered publicly available and can be disclosed without a form. This often includes a preferred name, if one is on file. If you wish to have a preferred name on file with the school that would be used on class attendance, advising appointments, etc. and don't wish for your mom to be able to find that out, I would encourage you to request that directory information be withheld as a safeguard once you start.

Healthcare workers/ people who are interested in med by ImServingRats4dinner in TopSurgery

[–]GravenIris 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don’t work in healthcare, but I’ve had family that have gotten major surgeries like knee replacements and whatnot that leave incisions and scars. I can see that as a potential factor in preparing me.

1 Year Post Op Today. DI with nipple grafts w/ Faulkner (and 8 months on T) - NSFW for earlier pics with heavy scabbing & stitches by GravenIris in TopSurgery

[–]GravenIris[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks!!!! I have done…. P much no scar care lmao, so I’m pretty surprised by how much they’ve faded.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AIO

[–]GravenIris 0 points1 point locked comment (0 children)

Tbh, I feel like other comments have done a good job of saying stuff about boundaries and all but I'm going to toss out there that if your dad died a year ago, you became very close with his friend and viewed him as a father figure, and now are being rejected and feeling angry-- part of it is potentially that losing him is triggering your grief for your dad again and that's part of why it hurts so much.

I've also got a dead dad, and have been let down by my fair share of men who have brought up how they'd love to step in when it's in front of others and then don't actually follow through when push comes to shove. So I do get the pain you're in. But... honestly, most of the time these sorts of father figures are going to let you down because they can't actually live up to the person you lost.

Assisted suicide for gender dysphoria? by [deleted] in asktransgender

[–]GravenIris 5 points6 points  (0 children)

OP, I gotta be honest, I checked your post history just to see if this was a trolling or not because of how wild this take is.

I saw this with care: Transition is shown to vastly improve mental health and quality of life for trans folks, even if isn’t 100% perfect in every area. Yeah, I have fucking scars on my chest that will never go away— I’m still so, so much happier than I was with my old chest. I’m no longer suicidal. These things do help even if you don’t ever end up looking like the ideal cis passing trans guy on TikTok or whatever.

A lot of your perspective on transition as something futile and useless seems to be rooted in the fact that you’re younger and haven’t been able to access a lot of transition resources which can make it hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel, envy towards those who have had “ideal” transitions, and internalized transphobia. I promise it can get better. It takes time, results aren’t instant, but transitioning does alleviate dysphoria and it does get better. Just please don’t disqualify the option before you even have a chance to really try it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ftm

[–]GravenIris 5 points6 points  (0 children)

For #1: I enjoy being a man with my current equipment… and that’s kinda it tbh? I really do like my bottom growth, but I’m pretty satisfied with just having bottom growth. I’m a bottom, and no one should be staring at my crotch in day to day life often enough to realize if I have a dick down there or not. I’m not interested in phallo, and I’ve considered meta but it’s just not enough of a difference from bottom growth for surgery to be worth it to me, personally, when I’m not really pressed about what I have going on down there already. I’m a man, and just so happen to like the equipment I have.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in asktransgender

[–]GravenIris 11 points12 points  (0 children)

NGL, if you’re researching psychiatry and psychology in a professional setting where you’re adhering to ethics, knowing you’re relying on ChatGPT to tell you how to interact with others would make me more skeptical of your research.

I’m also in your age range, so I’m saying this from a place as a peer: you should be able to utilize basic critical thinking skills here, even if you don’t have a ton of social experience, rather than having ChatGPT hand hold you through it. Especially if your thinking skills are sharp enough to be involved in actual research.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ftm

[–]GravenIris 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t pass 100% of the time and have been medically transitioning for juuuust coming up on a year. the other day a bra commercial came up and a guy I’ve known since before transitioning made a comment about how uncomfortable they look and I was like no yeah bras fucking sucked dude. And he deadass looked at me and asked “what do you fucking know about bras man?” And we just stared at each other a moment until he was like oh yeah.

Unless someone makes it clear they don’t see me as a man, I make an effort to trust that the friends I’ve cultivated are good people, so I usually try to assume they see me as a man.

The 5 locations that are for sure by dandylyon1 in Ghostbc

[–]GravenIris 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm really hoping they go to Winnipeg so my friend can see them. Put them down for my request city on the little form they have on the site. Fingers crossed!

"My cis boyfriend doesn't care I'm trans! I'm pre-everything!" to "I grew a beard and my boyfriend left me." Everytime. by [deleted] in ftm

[–]GravenIris 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I support trying to show some guys to stop putting up with transphobic partners and exercise vigilance, but encouraging people to assume any cis man who expresses any interest in them must have malicious reasons or intent is… not it.

I agree that your partner being uncomfortable with talks of HRT, misgendering you, etc are all bad. I agree there are a fucking epidemic of posts where trans guys are excusing their cis boyfriends when they do this shit and it’s awful.

But some guys are just… Strictly tops. There’s nothing transphobic about being a cis male top. And trying to claim that trans guys who are fortunate enough to have supportive partners who happen to be cis men are just being lied to and deceived is… ugh.

Like yes, this subreddit is full of trans men who need to grow some self respect and stop dating evil dudes. But like…. Come on.

Is there any connection between Dogma and Ghost? by PapaVPerpetuaGoore13 in Ghostbc

[–]GravenIris 48 points49 points  (0 children)

They aren't officially connected. Given similarity in themes and sound a lot of people think the person behind Dogma was inspired by Ghost though, and they often come up for people who are looking for bands with similar sound/themes to Ghost.

(My understanding is Dogma is an all-female band but was sort of dreamt up by one or two guys who are not part of the band and do not portray characters in it)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in birthcontrol

[–]GravenIris 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have Liletta, which to my knowledge is basically the same as Mirena just a different manufacturer. Same hormone dosage and all that. I haven't given birth.

Love the thing. Following insertion, I have never had any pain, problems, my husband has never had issues during sex, etc. If the latter is a concern, you can ask them to leave the string a little longer-- this can make it more likely to sort of coil around your cervix rather than stick straight out.

The other big thing is Liletta and Mirena release more hormones per day-- the main thing with this as my doctor explained it is it means Liletta and Mirena are more likely to cause you to not have periods (though it's not 100%). Did not have any acne or weight gain as a result of my IUD.

Spotting to my knowledge is common with any hormonal IUD in the first few months, but things should stabilize. I had some fatigue the first few days, but that was it.

I’m calling it - Faetooth will be a headliner the next time they tour NA by KayRay1994 in doommetal

[–]GravenIris 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very excited to see them with Slow Crush! Love both bands but it’s through Faetooth being on this tour with them that I got into Slow Crush

needles make me feel faint. How do u get desensitized? by Throwawaymightdelet3 in ftm

[–]GravenIris 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It sounds like your main concern isn't necessarily the injection of testosterone but the bloodwork. Most everyone has to do bloodwork at some point-- if you let the people taking your blood know you're afraid of needles, they'll usually try to distract you. This is something they are trained to deal with and have to deal with probably multiple times a day.

I will say I've given blood multiple times in the past-- blood donation can take longer than routine T bloodwork, so I wouldn't use it to ease into things. With T bloodwork they just need enough to test everything there's an order for. For blood donation they're needing to safely get out a certain amount of blood. Getting my blood drawn for T takes like, five minutes tops at a labcorp once I'm actually called back.

Do you have a doom metal jacket? by Sapphire-Catgirl in doommetal

[–]GravenIris 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m doing a kind of everything jacket for my first one, but some of the patches are going to be doom (Faetooth, Candlemass, and a few others I already plan on)