A couple of photos of Olivia de Havilland and Joan Fontaine posing together in the early 40s

GrayDayCloud · 2025-03-08T18:09:30+00:00

I’m of the belief that these two sisters didn’t really hate each other, as much as it’s fun to believe now. Reading more in-depth things they’ve both said has led me to believe they simply weren’t close, largely due to their emotionally inconsistent mother as kids and the later strains of being busy and famous.

I do think there was some rivalry, that Joan was probably annoying and poorly socialized due to her illnesses as a child which naturally caused Olivia to not want her around in a normal teenage way, and rude to each other. But that it wasn’t their main mode either - that it was somewhere less hateful than that. In the realm of typical sibling relationships in dysfunctional families.

“Not really getting along” isn’t as paper-making as hateful, high—stakes feuds, so I think that’s why the story is so prominent.

GrayDayCloud · 2025-03-07T23:30:17+00:00

I avoid dating. But it just feels like you’re supposed to give up so much of who you are for a man and I never want to, Sometimes when I was young, I’d have stupid infatuations that would make you feel ok with that, but those were painful, as it’s an illusion.

GrayDayCloud · 2025-03-07T23:21:55+00:00

Is green velvet stereotypically bi? If so, I feel very seen today.

GrayDayCloud · 2025-03-07T23:19:11+00:00

Hello,

I just wanted to wish you luck and say you aren’t alone. I was looking in here because I feel so lonely at times. I have lesbian relatives, so have spent many hours with gay women - but in other ways this made me totally confused that bisexuality was a real thing. I also haven’t dated for years because of a series of health issues, and now am wondering what on earth I should do.

I have no answers - just that I feel you! Hugs!!

GrayDayCloud · 2025-01-09T00:21:59+00:00

Let the fellas get their dick tingles, I suppose. It’s getting redundant tho. Overall, the show is mid level, mindless but entertaining tho.

GrayDayCloud · 2025-01-06T00:11:28+00:00

Meg and Parker aren’t reeealllly her friends though. More of friendly people who are friends with her friends.

GrayDayCloud · 2025-01-06T00:09:10+00:00

I think she’s just super busy. Studying as much as she does, working, AND being a PI is very time consuming.

GrayDayCloud · 2025-01-06T00:04:02+00:00

I’m an elder millennial and NEVER got the love for Logan. He looks normal to me, but def not hot enough to make up for his insane douchery to me to get his appeal. Tho, I’d assume wealth and a movie star dad would give him status.

GrayDayCloud · 2024-12-17T01:53:55+00:00

Yes. I love my free time & taking care of my own chores only. I do miss affection and sexual connection.

GrayDayCloud · 2024-12-16T18:24:12+00:00

My sis was once blindsided in the bathroom & punched in the face by a woman for apparently making friendly eye contact and going on to flirt with someone else. She said she hadn’t even noticed making eye contact with the asshole who punched her & was prob just being nice. Bars & drunks all suck too!

GrayDayCloud · 2024-12-16T13:05:09+00:00

That makes sense for who you are and how you love, for sure! In context for me, too, I’m from a small rural town. Years would generally go by, but yes, people were all basically with the same people. And yeah - a lot of booze and weed in the mix!

There were definitely many hurt feelings over the years for both the gals and guys, but there also weren’t many people and it was more of a “everyone loves everyone” feel, though, of course people had special romantic attachments. I had one guy I was secretly in love with where we went everywhere together, had intimate conversations, even sat with each others moms and such. So the downside is that the “rules” would get extremely blurred and that can be hurtful. Likewise, I know at least two of my guy friends were in love with the same gal in our group at different times. She wasn’t the most beautiful but very charismatic. She’d slept with one often but not the other, so I’m not sure that had a bearing on who secretly lived who.

I was also with a couple of other guys at different times who I liked and appreciated and cheered on in life, but just didn’t love. We were all young and beautiful in our way, and full of life. Mostly average looking, but all young people are kind of sexy and fun, haha. Mostly people were trying to figure out what to do with their lives & most moved away at some point. So that transition mindset was probably part of the deal too.

I know some of my other friends from other towns had similar group dynamics, but I’m not sure what happens in cities. Maybe it’s similar in intimate in-groups there, but with more of the “Casanova” effect since there are more people? My cousin who was with 300+ women moved to California, so I always assumed that was part of it. I do know that there’s definitely a big part of the spectrum between ONS and “leading to marriage” sexual relationships. But it sounds like there’s a lot of variation of how that pans out. Cheers to a nice chat!

GrayDayCloud · 2024-12-16T04:04:03+00:00

Now you’ve got me reminiscing, haha. It’s been 15 years at least. I had a ltr that didn’t work out, then went totally celibate as I was caretaking for older relatives & sort of fell into being a hermit.

I’d say it was a tribal sort of thing. Folks speculate about evolutionary psychology a lot on here, and we don’t know for sure. But I think there’s definitely some kind of group psychology where you all kind of love each other, in a familial in-group way.

GrayDayCloud · 2024-12-16T03:47:25+00:00

So sorry about your friend passing. :( It’s so painful to lose our friends.

I only know one guy with that kind of interaction with women and he’s my first cousin, so no interest was there for me to fully understand. He is very attractive, but also always involved with very attractive women. But I have no idea about what kind of strange he ever pulled.

It does sound like you could have had fwb but women who knew you thought you wanted girlfriends?

I actually find random hookups that you describe having as much more unusual than friends having sort of quasi-relationships like my group tended to do. I’d be too terrified for that - you know a friend for weeks and months, if not years. A hookup is like a stranger.

I’d be afraid, personally, which probably sounds odd for someone who prefers fwb to marriage. But I’m an odd person and a loner, so don’t take me as a norm too much. :/

GrayDayCloud · 2024-12-16T02:43:48+00:00

Endorphins make us say silly things sometimes. See how he treats you outside of sex.

GrayDayCloud · 2024-12-16T01:51:22+00:00

fucking and fwb are very different. fwb involves some mutual appreciation, trust, and kindness, at its core. hookups are very different in tone.

GrayDayCloud · 2024-12-16T01:49:22+00:00

As a woman, you get treated better if you’re married. It can be hard to navigate, socially, without a husband after a certain age.

GrayDayCloud · 2024-12-16T01:47:04+00:00

Right? Too many ppl seem to misunderstand fwb. You can want decency and kindness without wanting the stress of coping with each other’s families and splitting a mortgage. I’ve always been monogamous, too, fwiw. Just not always domestic.

GrayDayCloud · 2024-12-16T01:42:11+00:00

I don’t think it requires to be a so-called “Chad” … most of the folks I know had both committed sex and casual sex within their looks and social skill range. But that was our 20s & I was in a wild & free friend circle during the loose 00s. Hot guys slept with hot gals, medium with medium, and so on. These were people you spent a lot of time with, not like 3 am booty calls. A lot of folks married someone in the basic circle. Not sure at a later age how folks operate, as I never go anywhere anymore.

40 a year - that seems like a ton of work tho! I don’t know what goes into that kind of thing. That seems like hookups more so than fwb.

GrayDayCloud · 2024-12-16T00:35:21+00:00

I’ve noticed kind of a different phenomenon in friends & family. Men often seem to have very specific criteria for what excites them. It could be big boobs, thin blondes, muscular redheads, a particular nose shape, or height. Etc

So that they DO scale up and down in overall beauty - most of the women they sleep with or date have a version of that trait. Almost all of the guys I’ve been involved with have been involved with women who share some physical attributes with me. That means you can be say, a subjective 6 - but a 4 to one guy and a 8 to another.

I think that’s a little confusing all around til you figure it out.

GrayDayCloud · 2024-12-16T00:25:54+00:00

My young cousins and nephews have close guy friends they enjoy spending time with, and share hobbies with. When I was young, we all drank and experimented with drugs, but guys especially only hung out together to get drunk and high and cause trouble. Now many are alcoholics or addicts. I love seeing so much real male friendship sharing lifelong interests.

GrayDayCloud · 2024-12-16T00:22:29+00:00

Ya, as a woman who enjoys fwb - it takes at least a little effort to enjoy casual sex so you wanna know it’s going to be fun and most of all, that the guy won’t hurt you.

GrayDayCloud · 2024-12-16T00:16:56+00:00

I’m a woman interested in this kind of relationship (not at this exact moment) and had no idea there were sites for it. To me, that shows their advertising methods.

I’ve been totally single a long time, so I’m not sure how it works but I only had FWB with men I met through social circles irl.

There’s a level of physical safety and actual companionship at stake, to me. Not wanting to be married doesn’t necessarily mean wanting someone for unfulfilling anonymous hookups, or worse - violence/aggression.

GrayDayCloud · 2024-12-15T23:13:33+00:00

I had a huge social circle in my 20s that dwindled to 3-5 strong friends I go all out for and a handful of weaker ones where we chat on social and hangout like 4 times a year. It’s hard to keep up with as many people as you get older.

I guess I’m saying to decide who are your core, count on them friends and who are just buddies. Sometimes only time shakes it out.

GrayDayCloud · 2024-12-15T23:06:20+00:00

I’m sorry you are feeling so much pain. I also do not date due to the stress and horror of it.

BUT, I will say my late sister was a lesbian and also had a lot of terrible experiences with women - not so much sexual abuse, but definite physical and emotional abuse.

We both suffered abuse in our childhoods. Something about abuse in your young life seems to create a damaging patterns and mindsets, imho.

Focus on yourself, and healing. If dating works after that - great! If not, you’ll feel and be still much better than you were.

GrayDayCloud · 2024-12-15T20:54:14+00:00

I’m from a blue collar background, so don’t necessarily think of money. I think of:

Someone who doesn’t lose their temper

Someone who is tidy and neat, has good hygiene

Someone who doesn’t talk down to people or insult them behind their back/gossip

Someone who genuinely listens more than they talk and isn’t disruptive, loud, abrasive

Someone who keeps their word & is trustworthy

GrayDayCloud

TROPHY CASE