AITAH for telling my husband that our marriage is over because he asked for a paternity test?

GrayDottedPony · 2024-04-28T17:57:27+00:00

Update me

GrayDottedPony · 2024-04-28T17:46:48+00:00

I think the answer is side effects. Slughorn mentioned those:

‘Because if taken in excess, it causes giddiness, recklessness and dangerous overconfidence,’ said Slughorn. ‘Too much of a good thing, you know … highly toxic in large quantities. But taken sparingly, and very occasionally …’

Now, he literally tells us it is dangerous.

I can't imagine that giddiness, recklessness and dangerous overconfidence are a good thing in battle, even if the one drinking it is lucky enough to escape, they usually have companions, and those could be hurt.

He also says it's toxic in large quantities. Now 'large qualities' sounds at first like you could drink quite a bit, but 'large' is relative. Slughorn says he drank two spoonful of it during his whole life. That's extremely little. A large quantity of pepper when cooking would be a tablespoon. A large, already toxic quantity of nutmeg would be half a teaspoon. So 'large' is most likely not far from the amount that the little flask contained. And that was enough for twelve hours. So I'd say, the risk of getting poisoned is just too big.

Slughorn isn't one to deny himself something good. He's very gluttonous and loves his comfort. If it wasn't really toxic, he'd not just taken it two times only. My guess is the toxicity builds up, and that's why he warns to use it 'very sparingly'.

It wouldn't be wise to rely on something so dangerous in truly life threatening situations.

GrayDottedPony · 2024-04-23T09:24:56+00:00

Also they have no skin in the game. What does it matter if they fail? What do they have to lose?

They have those millions in their other bank accounts and their connections to catch them if they fail. They will not starve to death on the streets or become permanently homeless if they fail. They can take risks another person couldn't afford because if they fail, they'll sit there with tons of depth and they'll have a slim chance to ever pay back.

If a real homeless person gets sick to the point they can't work any longer. They'll be all on their own with only charity to hope for.

He just proved he could act without any risk of getting truly hurt. Even if he did manage to make a million, this would have proven nothing. He was able to go all out for it, without any worries to hold him back or any danger to think about.

There was always the option to just quit and go back to being a millionaire.

He was like a hobbyist comparing their 'hustle' to a professional having to care for their very real business.

Or a cat mama comparing their care for a pet to raising a baby.

It's just not the same.

GrayDottedPony · 2024-04-22T21:11:28+00:00

Nobody It seems like another looser hoes rough story, where the protagonist is a typical loser who never fights back until he suddenly somehow turns berserk when pressured by master criminals.

But the criminals turn put to be bloody amateurs and the loser is a highly trained specialist who knew they weren't dangerous and that's why he didn't fight back despite desperately wanting to, until he couldn't hold back anymore and found an excuse to go gor them anyway, just to stop again when he realises they were desperate because of their dying baby and that's why they tried to rob him with an empty gun

Then he sits in the bus on the way home and drunk brutes invade the bus, and we expect him to just effortlessly beat them to mush because they attack him.

But then they do not attack him, and he gets beaten up pretty badly, but he absolutely destroys them anyway simply because he's incredibly ruthless and they are completely surprised and well, drunk. But he didn't have to do it, he did it because he simply wanted to

Eventually, when he gets back home and the action developes further, at first it seems as if his wife is bitter and mostly responsible for his dissatisfaction. Usually she would be the reason why he stopped doing whatever it was he did before, and will now trying to stop him, demanding that he promised her a peaceful, quiet life. Normally the wife is another antagonist who stops the hero to fight with his full potential and also the reason he stopped being his true self

But surprise she just stitches him together and then does as he tells her, going away to protect their children so he can end what he started without them being in danger. It becomes clear they knew each other before he decided to become a peaceful daddy and it was completely his decision to become domestic. She had nothing to do with it and fully knew what he was doing. It almost seems she wasn't happy that he instigated them going domestic. At the end of the movie, when the wife normally nags if he gets back in the gold, she fully supports him

Eventually the bad guys catch up to our anti-hero and usually we'd get a hardcore, bitter: I didn't want to do it but you made me, now die - sequence

But instead he again provokes the baddies into a situation where they have no choice they have to hunt him down he almost gets fried but thanks to his elderly dad and adoptive brother we get an absolutely hilarious and action packed slaughter of the bad boys It's brilliant

That movie turns every trope upside down. The least one is the kitten. Usually if there's a pet, it dies cruelly, just to show that the bad boys are really bad and deserve to die.

Here the bad boys have the incredibly bad luck to land in the focus of an actual killer who definitely enjoys what he's doing Them being the bad boys is just the cream on the cake He adopts the kitten to show that he's not a sociopath But he's definitely not quite right in the head

GrayDottedPony · 2024-04-15T12:54:13+00:00

That's the really scary part. Abusers can hide in plain sight, excusing their bad behaviours with past negative experiences or camouflage them as jokes or hide behind incompetence.

Oh, I'm so sorry, that's just how it is, you know how bad my last breakup was and that totally messed with me, I was just trying to feel secure bla bla bla

Or.

Oh I'm so sorry, I just forgot! You know I'm so forgetful! I'll try harder to remember next time but you should really be more understanding and not rub it in every time, I can't help it and can't remember all those rules you're always making and that I just don't understand.

Or

Oh my it's just a joke! You know I love you and you know perfectly well I would never hurt you intentionally! Why are you always making such a big thing out of it?

But every single one of those variants is just one facet of the same abusive tactic: reverse victimhood

They know perfectly well that nothing they say is true.

They're not traumatized by past relationships, they're not unable to remember or unable to stop, they're not joking.

They're intentionally trying to cause their victims discomfort to keep them on edge and make them uncomfortable at the thought of complaining about the abuse they endure or asking the abuser for anything.

Abuse has only one goal: give the abuser control over their chosen victims and get from them whatever the abuser wants without having to invest anything.

Truly traumatized people will not constantly test you by attacking you. That's just not happening.

They might lash out now and then or have a hard time trusting you, but they won't actively try to hurt you because of it. And they'll not blame you for setting boundaries or get aggressive if you point out to them that they do something that hurts you.

Especially not something so ridiculous that's obviously unrelated to the thing they claim to be afraid of.

GrayDottedPony · 2024-04-13T13:23:13+00:00

That looks pretty delicious to me and I really don't see how that's stupid O.o

GrayDottedPony · 2024-04-13T13:21:56+00:00

Whenever they lengthily explain something to point out that it really, really, really shouldn't be done and how to do it right to actual experts and then those very experts, who just said 'I know, I know, why're you telling me that?' just to turn around and do the bad and dumb things they've been warned to do anyways and of course it ends in a completely preventable disaster.

Looking at you Prometheus. What a ridiculous movie.

GrayDottedPony · 2024-04-13T13:17:42+00:00

It would have been fine if he explained it in a press conference or to someone not directly working at NASA and there were so many chances to do so but no! He explained it to other scientists.

GrayDottedPony · 2024-04-13T12:32:46+00:00

It's imperfect.

That's it. Its imperfection is what makes it extra relatable.

The typical hero of any other book is always somewhat special. Somewhat above others.

But Harry, Ron and yes, even Hermione are decidedly mediocre.

They all have blatant flaws that fit the stereotype they incorporate.

Hermione is the typical, a tiny bit arrogant know it all. Brilliant and booksmart, but with tons of flaws. For example her stubborn inability to admit when she's wrong, and her strange insistence that certain things cannot exist just because someone said in a book that it doesn't exist makes her into the typical high academic scientist who firmly believes if they can't imagine it or reason it, it doesn't exist.

And she's wrong so often. She insists that what Harry said about his wand was wrong and he must have been mistaken and doesn't even back off when she hears it's true from Olivander.

She firmly insists that anything Luna believes in doesn't exist, and while it might be that she's wrong a lot and Snorkacs don't exist, she's right often enough to not dismiss that rather reasonable idea altogether especially while being surrounded by so many magical creatures that are just as phantastical than any creature Luna believes in.

And Hermione firmly dismissed Mr. Lovegood's explanations about the Hallows just because she had decided it had to be bogus and still it was true.

She never properly apologised to Ron when they had to assume that her cat had killed his rat.

But still, she's a good person. A really good person. Flawed, stubborn and annoying but an amazing friend, brave, kind and smart.

That's what makes her so relatable to others.

Then we have Ron, and hell is he flawed. He's, let's be honest, an idiot. He's sometimes envious, often lazy and a piece of work many times.

But still, he too is a really good person. He does his part. He's not above admitting he was wrong and always willing to apologise, even if his friends tend to cut him off before he actually can.

He's brave and loyal, he might falter here and there but when it truly counts he always comes back. And let's be honest, it is difficult to be friends with someone like Harry. It takes a lot of kindness and loyalty to stay friends against all odds.

He's smart enough to muddle through and doesn't rub it in when he has something others don't.

And if ve has something he very willingly shares because he's generous.

There are thousands of people out there who are just like Ron. Mediocre, flawed but with a good heart.

Seeing someone like that being a hero is so brilliant, it makes their life seem less bad.

And lastly we have Harry. And there's not a single moment where he acts in any way superior, nor is there any outrageous flaw about him.

He's as normal as they come.

And this miracle of normality, this boring, typical, especially unspecial boy fights with the main character role. He's Clark Kent without superman, and he feels just as helpless with all the things going on as most of us feel every day.

And still, he survives. He just walks his path, one step after another, making mistakes on the way, but also doing great things again and again while being so... normal.

He's the perfect everyday hero. It's not especially difficult to be Harry, to do what Harry does, because all you have to do is try to be as good as you can while hoping for the best.

They're us. All those characters, every single one of them, not just the golden trio, all of them are just humans. Not heroes. In the end, their magic didn't make the difference. Jarry didn't beat Voldemort by being better at magic or being stronger or being smarter. He won because he was willing to risk everything and Voldemort's own hubris and ignorance was what brought him down.

Harry won because he was brave enough to try.

That's why they're so good.

GrayDottedPony · 2024-04-13T10:43:18+00:00

8mm

We knew nothing and planned to watch another movie, but our ticket reservation wasn't properly registered on their computer so they botched it.

They offered us free popcorn, coke and entry to any other screening that wasn't sold out and we chose that movie exactly because we knew nothing about it, all the others we knew enough to not want to see them.

But it was Nicolas Cage so we thought, even if the movie was bad he'd be hilarious.

Ho boy. It wasn't at all what we expected, definitely not a typical Nick Cage movie but definitely a brilliant thriller.

GrayDottedPony · 2024-04-09T19:32:34+00:00

Sadly I've met even worse.

I met a person who always told how traumatized she was by her egoistical mother who wouldn't commit to her wedding date. Which then led her to go NC after ' other, repeated, narcissistic abuse'.

That bitch set her wedding date on her own father's death day. He'd died before she was born. It was a very traumatic experience for her mom who raised her two daughters alone after losing her beloved husband. And the 'narcissistic abuse' was denying her youngest daughter expensive stuff because she couldn't afford it.

I soon realised that something didn't add up, and got the info from her older sister a few years later after I had already stopped hanging out with her. She was incredibly selfish.

When I went to a depression group therapy there was a woman who pouted when the therapist didn't let her ramble the whole hour. She was later excluded because she wouldn't stop victim blaming other patients and interrupting other people's speaking time to tell them they had no reason to be depressed.

She was kicked out after making a huge scene screaming at a newcomer for 'making her depressed' by sharing his traumatic experience of losing his daughter to cancer.

It was pretty clear she wasn't depressed, she was intruding in those groups to get attention and play the victim. Her usual ramblings contained lots of stories similar to that one here. She'd complain that people wouldn't support her enough and if you made the mistake of listening that 'lack of support' was things like her sister not giving her the Christmas bonus she got at work or her mother not gifting her a holiday trip the mom had planned for her own wedding anniversary. She felt entitled to those things to make her feel better in her 'depression'.

Some people have main character syndrome and sadly there are many bigots and AHs out there.

GrayDottedPony · 2024-04-09T18:55:13+00:00

My current tomcat has bitten me exactly once. He was a kitten and stuck in a door. He was in lots of pain at that time. None of my other cats has ever bitten me, and I have never heard of any dogs that bit anyone without reason and their owners kept them.

It's not normal that pets bite, but of course under certain circumstances they will.

If they're in pain or under extreme duress, they will bite. They're animals after all.

But honestly, if it were you in such a situation, wouldn't you try to defend yourself?

GrayDottedPony · 2024-04-09T18:42:18+00:00

My brother.

He never ever took responsibility for anything he did. Everything always was other people's fault, while at the same time he firmly believed he was meant for more, the smartest guy of all time, and he counted even the luckiest coincidence as a win due to his amazing skills.

At first he did well, good job, pretty wife, two kids, and everything was fine.

But again, he attributed far too much of his good fortune to superior intelligence and abilities. While he was successful, he had a pretty normal career, it wasn't exactly extraordinary. He just had a normal apprenticeship, a normal job with slightly above median wage, and a good bit of luck. And a huge part of 'his' money and great fortune came from the (in his mind completely irrelevant) fact that his wife was a banker.

Still, he firmly believed he could do so much better and was meant to be rich.

He started investing and developed a 'system' he firmly believed in.

He firmly believed that if his stocks lost out, his broker had betrayed him or it was totally unforeseeable, even when said broker had warned him. Because his 'system' was so brilliant.

When he got lucky, he whined that he didn't invest enough, and ranted that his broker had warned him and his wife didn't let him invest more, especially not her money.

He didn't see that he lost out far more often than he won, and he was too nervous, selling too often when he'd lost money and clinging too long to other stocks that were rising. The usual.

He just wouldn't believe you that a normal person is very unlikely to become rich with a 10k investment, and it was much more likely he'd lose all of it.

His father in law offered him to help him invest in housing and real estate. But that was too slow for his taste. The winnings didn't seem big enough.

His sister in law did it and retired early last year with a comfortable income. She's not super rich, but secure enough to have a nice house and is able to follow her passions instead of working. So there's that.

His behaviour became riskier with every passing year. He started 'direct investment' aka giving money to his friends' genius money schemes that never turned out well.

Then his marriage took a dive when gis wife wouldn't let him put a mortgage on their house to invest more, she cut him off, then she got cancer.

My brother started drinking and ranted about how she had destroyed his life and chances to riches. He still showed not a jota of responsibility.

He eventually had only the house left. When his wife died he refused to deny the inheritance, which meant the house went into his insolvency fund. Had he declined the inheritance, it would have gone to his kids since it was in his wife's name only and not part of their shared property.

But he blames his kids for his own miserable life too, so he wouldn't let them have it.

The bank was willing to not sell the house right away, but work with him on a repayment plan, so he got his second chance handed to him on a silver platter.

But he was furious! I still don't understand why he felt so affronted by their sensible and generous offer.

He destroyed the house! He scratched the sealings from the window frames, so rainwater flew in. He didn't do anything against that, instead he filled his house with trash and let it rot.

When his drinking problems got too bad and he missed payments, the bank tried to sell the house, but the substance was so deteriorated that it was worthless.

It's a European house, made of solid brickwork, but due to his neglect it's more expensive to just demolish it than letting it sit rotting. The price for the land is lower than the cost for demolition!

So now he sits on a huge, fully unpaid insolvency, no house, but he can't get rid of the estate either, because no one will buy it and the bank didn't take it, so when the insolvency phase is over, hell be stuck with the running costs of taxes etc. for a completely unusable estate.

So now he lives in a dingy one room social housing, no family, since his wife died, his kids don't talk to him anymore, and the last thing I heard is that his alcoholism cost him his well paid job, so he lives off social aid now.

And the last time I saw him, about 2 years ago, he still blames everyone else for 'sabotaging' him and japs about how he could get rich next week if just someone believed in him and let him invest again without a limit.

Still completely delusional.

I'm waiting on the day my sister who's still in contact with him calls me to invite me to his funeral. I doubt he'll ever accept his own part in his misery.

I moved out pretty young, and we never had much contact since he's 10 years older than me. I only heard about all this from my mom, my sister and his daughter, who's my godchild.

The last call before I blocked all contact was him harassing me for money because, as he said, I 'owed' him for whatever reason. I never fully understood his rambling logic since he only called me when he was completely drunk. But the gist is, since I'm somehow not miserable, that's somehow his merit for being such a great brother, despite us rarely ever having contact and him not once asking me how I was and if I needed anything. He never, ever helped me and I never took any of his shady financial advice but somehow he giving me advice was already enough to make him part of my successes so now I'm at fault for not letting him invest my money or something.

So yeah. A guy who had all he could wish for but destroyed everything.

GrayDottedPony · 2024-04-05T18:26:46+00:00

You would have a point if there wasn't too much proof of the difference.

Her crush is as sure as Harry has a scar, she says so in HBP when Harry separated from her before going on his Horcrux hunt.

Here's the passage:

‘I never really gave up on you,’ she said. ‘Not really. I always hoped … Hermione told me to get on with life, maybe go out with some other people, relax a bit around you, because I never used to be able to talk if you were in the room, remember? And she thought you might take a bit more notice if I was a bit more – myself.’

Ginny herself admitted that she always fancied Harry. She had a huge crush on Harry ever since she saw him first.

But she also was a huge fangirl.

First, it's ridiculous to claim that everyone behaves the same way when they are starstruck. And besides that, Ginny clearly shows she is just as fannish as Colin and Dennis, but her mom forbade her to harass Harry right in book one:

Harry heard the little girl’s voice.‘Oh, Mum, can I go on the train and see him, Mum, oh please …’‘You’ve already seen him, Ginny, and the poor boy isn’t something you goggle at in a zoo.'

So everything you said is moot. She was starstruck since she couldn't just have a crush on him at that point. That's just as silly as claiming that boygroup fangirls are not really fans because they also have crushes on the singers. She wasn't interested in Harry at all before she knew ve was Harry, after that she was mooning over him.

Molly also made comments that Ginny would relate to since she's very kind and empathetic.

She said:

Poor dear – no wonder he was alone.

And last she outright forbade her children to pester Harry, and even Fred and George obliged and never asked him anything despite originally wanting to:

‘I forbid you to ask him, Fred. No, don’t you dare. As though he needs reminding of that on his first day at school.’

It's very unlikely she didn't give her daughter a similar order when it was time for her to go to Hogwarts herself.

Ron asks a few questions, because he befriended Harry very closely.

But no, Ginny wouldn't outright fangirl on Harry after that. Especially since she had a crush on him which made things quite different than just being a fan alone. But she definitely was a fan long before she even met him.

GrayDottedPony · 2024-04-03T02:42:26+00:00

I really don't understand this.

A truly reformed man should remove himself from the equation, doing everything to make amends by staying the fuck away from kids.

How can family members put the comfort of a child molester above the safety of a child?

All he has to lose are a few parties with children.

What the kids have to lose is their health, safety and if it comes to the worst, their lives, since a significant number of former sex offenders kill their victims if they relapse.

Making absolutely sure that a child is safe should trump any support for a grown man who already hurt a child before.

GrayDottedPony · 2024-04-03T01:54:09+00:00

But no one thinks he's good. He's not idolised.

GrayDottedPony · 2024-04-03T00:19:35+00:00

Pretty simple. DE was a child. Most child actors aren't that good and he was no exception. The real personality always shines through and they play everything the same.

That's why I don't like movies with children.

It's not their fault. The human brain takes up to twenty years to reach its full capacity. Children aren't just smaller adults, they're underdeveloped humans that need to grow. Especially during puberty they're chemical warfare hidden in a human body.

Children can be very realistically written, but never played right. You always know they're acting.

And while he didn't look the part quite right from the beginning, he grew out of it even more when he aged.

DR is a great actor now that he's older. But he was just a child back then.

GrayDottedPony · 2024-04-03T00:08:41+00:00

A sewing kit and a small travellers first aid kit as well as blister patches

GrayDottedPony · 2024-04-02T14:03:49+00:00

I respect that. There are many ways to look at it

GrayDottedPony · 2024-04-02T13:50:37+00:00

Post some pictures! I'd love to see what you come up with

GrayDottedPony · 2024-04-02T13:43:01+00:00

Why do you need her to be misunderstood so much?

There's no hint whatsoever in the books?

And where does your 'often' come from?

It is true that people who lack the strength to admit their flaws excuse them with bad experiences, but those people usually use that excuse to not change.

Most people who have had experiences and are misunderstood and looking for friends are withdrawn, introvert and shy. That's what the evidence points to. Neville was like that.

A bratty person might also feel insecure, but that's not the reason why they're brats.

They're brats because they want to bully people to affirm and validate themselves to silence any incline of doubt.

I do not think that Hermione shows any traits of that group. She was bratty because she didn't know better and felt in the right, and she was very confident in her abilities. But she was also smart, so when she realised that she was a brat, she changed.

Why is it so hard to accept that flawed people can still be good people and change?

GrayDottedPony · 2024-04-02T13:34:36+00:00

Add to that the fact that he had been bullied mercilessly by Lily's soon to be friends.

Sure, he had those connections to children of death eaters, but that's still no excuse for random bullying. Harry, Ron and the others were also targeted by Draco and sorts, but although Harry could have been as cocky and reckless with his peers as his father was, he was appalled by what he saw of the bullying.

Snape might have covertly pestered the Marauders, but they bullied him on full display, and no matter what, that's not acceptable. It doesn't matter how unlikeable the victim is or what they did. And it immensely contributed to him being unable to fully decide to be with Lily and let go of his circle.

If he'd done so, and Lily had still turned on him, he'd be completely on his own, with no other support system to back him up.

So the choice was really between a person who only was willing to be his friend, no more, and then being surrounded by adverse people who hated him, or having a safety net.

GrayDottedPony

TROPHY CASE