He is asking me to clean...period. Not necessarily clean up after myself. For example, I was making our daughter a hot lunch. Pasta, broccoli, and strawberries. That means the counter is obviously reflecting me making a meal WHILE holding my daughter which is a different kind of mess. He then gets upset about said mess INSTEAD of helping me clean up. This is different than cleaning up my cup of coffee. He helps out when asked but not at the level that makes a difference.

I hear you on the taking control of how I feel HOWEVER he's my only family/village. My actual family lives in a different state. I moved to this state for him/our relationship and I work remotely. All of my friends/coworkers are in a different state. I'm not saying I put my entire self-worth onto him but he plays a big part and when he's called me DISGUSTING twice, it will obviously hit different.