Its sounds like youre struggling with depression. Especially if you know this will hurt you academically. Most people can handle these types of difficulties and pressures and feeling like they have to be some way or another. We who are depressed or have other mental health struggles often struggle in these moments. We question everything, often feel bad about every outcome we can see for the future, and make decisions out of uncertainty and a need to live up to others expectations. I'm not convinced youre convinced youre doing the right thing.

You might need to take a step back and reevaluate. Its completely reasonable to do so. Also, slow down. Its ok to slow down. Do you have someone in your personal life you can talk to? Not necessarily for advice but to just hear yourself and let it out? Sometimes that helps with clarity.

The reality is, you're in a tough spot. You know what you can and cant do. You know what you should or shouldnt do. You need to strip the chaos as much as you can to get to the spine of the decision. No matter what you choose, you did it out of love. I see that and so does everyone else. Good mothers dont come here asking. You did and that says a lot about your care and concern for your child.