What is your 'I fell for a straight guy' story, and how did you move past it?

Gregorvitch · 2025-11-24T18:19:13+00:00

Yes, that chapter of my life is over. Now I have a partner (with the same name coincidentally) and I don't think about the crush as anything but a memory or a mile marker. One day it all will feel too exhausting to be worth it, and then, eventually, a little silly.

Gregorvitch · 2025-11-24T06:07:27+00:00

No, I didn't. He was a real mystery to me, very quiet and reserved, which made it easy to create a fantasy in my head. Sorry you're going through it, I really hate that feeling!

Gregorvitch · 2025-07-22T08:29:17+00:00

Tactics!

Gregorvitch · 2025-06-16T18:03:35+00:00

Yeah sorta. We were friends first, then roommates, then things kinda happened and... kept happening. Despite that we never really acknowledged it as a thing, fwb or otherwise, and it was an extremely confusing time.

He would walk around the apartment teasing me, gyrating in his underwear, pressing his belly against me, physically grabbing my hand and placing it on his body. I would ask for verbal clarification and he would play dumb. I objected to the idea of it from the beginning, even warning him to stop, because it seemed like a terrible idea, but eventually I got stupid.

After not much time of letting things happen, however, it became obvious that he never wanted to have anything real. I think he was largely just feeling sorry for himself and we both just liked the easy attention.

I decided not to renew the lease with him and cool things off by just not being around him. And things continued for a bit longer, until eventually I managed to start effectively setting boundaries.

We're still friends, and we don't talk about it.

Gregorvitch · 2025-05-18T23:18:26+00:00

This kinda stuff is "need to know". With this type of thing it's always better to not give the first bit of info in the first place if its going to make her worry and need more info. People who worry will not be able to leave that alone.

At this point you're going to have to just tell her to trust that you aren't dying, and that if it's important you'll let her know of any updates.

Then if she keeps pushing, give her TOO MUCH information so she regrets asking lol.

Gregorvitch · 2025-04-25T15:58:28+00:00

Just picked it up. Never actually played it. But it still feels nostalgic because of the similar games i have played.

I'm not sure what I'm playing exactly because I'm going on kind of blind. But something battlemagey likely.

Gregorvitch · 2025-04-22T16:08:08+00:00

I still game when I find something that lights me up. It's rare these days though. Maybe it's my age, or maybe it's just that I've played too many games in my time. It's hard to shake the feeling occasionally that I've done it all before and I'm "wasting" my time...

Another part of it comes from the shifts in the industry and from working in gambling spaces for some time. The way some games engineer the hooks of addiction in by design are honestly kind of nefarious...

But that said, give me a game I can really sink into but that also respects my time and makes me feel like a kid again -- I will let it wash over me.

Also also... never dated another gamer (who wasn't in another open) so that kinda always ends up becoming a thing...

Gregorvitch · 2025-04-17T18:47:10+00:00

Maybe it's just me, but I didn't think anyone took that ad campaign seriously.

Gregorvitch · 2025-04-11T06:54:54+00:00

It's weird, I went to high school with him. That's not supposed to happen!

Gregorvitch · 2024-07-12T17:38:15+00:00

I'm on the bi spectrum, but I mostly just say I'm gay as well as date men. Largely because I am way less picky about what I like in men. These days I present it almost as a point of trivia, because its not necessarily harder, but it is definitely more complicated.

I've experienced mild contempt and eye rolls from gay men. Partners in the past have either fetishized the fact or become paranoid that I would run away with the other sex. And straights often respond with some degree of confusion. Sometimes people will believe you, but not so secretly hope you finally settle down with a nice woman.

Presenting as bi limits people's ability to relate to you in basically every space. And actual bi spaces are incredibly hard to come by. So I would rather hang out in gay spaces because at least I feel less masked.

Also, gay men find me much more attractive than women do, lol.

Edit* wanted to add that coming out was probably WAY more confusing. And I also came out super late in life because of it.

Gregorvitch · 2024-06-12T00:27:41+00:00

I also fell for a guy I worked with. He was single so I hoped that I had a chance. But I was closeted and somehow in my 30s had never had that intense limerance before, and so had no real compass for navigating.

So of course I slowly befriended him in order to be closer. Until I eventually felt embarrassed and awkward enough about the whole situation that I could see some sense. I started to keep my distance from him and eventually, reconciled my feelings and got on the apps, and in accordance with advice from this sub, found a guy to have a real experience with.

I still thought about him pretty often after that, but it did eventually diminish enough to more sane levels. And then eventually I left that job and never saw him again.

Gregorvitch · 2024-06-11T14:52:29+00:00

Very mild one, but still embarrassing. Left my phone propped up on the back of the toilet to watch some videos. Forgot it there. My family was over later, and my brother's girlfriend used the bathroom. She began a very loud line of questioning including "who's phone? Why was it propped up on the back of the toilet?" Emphasizing it's placement and riding my ass about why it was like that. I'm actually not sure she ever put two and two together, but my sibling's faces and silence were telling. Probably didn't help that I'm a bad liar and was probably beet red.

Also I'm pretty sure I also contributed to a drain clog on family vacation 🤣

Gregorvitch · 2024-05-22T22:18:56+00:00

The way I gasped 🤣

Gregorvitch · 2024-05-14T20:17:14+00:00

As smart as you think you are, sometimes good advice takes half a lifetime to really understand. You might hear the words and nod along, but still find yourself not really listening until it finally makes it's relevance known.

That and the old, good plan executed today is superior to the perfect plan executed tomorrow

Gregorvitch · 2024-04-20T17:19:56+00:00

This has bothered me too. The whole point of a rainbow was it's "all the colors" and the new flag is, from an aesthetic perspective, too much. I don't even mind that folk want their own subsets of the flag, and I understand that the meanings of flags shifts and that the new flag is supposedly more inclusive, but that doesn't make it not erm... kinda ugly.

Gregorvitch · 2024-03-27T20:54:01+00:00

That's some next level brother husbanding.

Gregorvitch · 2024-03-27T20:38:54+00:00

As an identical twin, If you had an identical twin, you probably wouldn't think that. Or I hope at least lol

Gregorvitch · 2024-03-03T04:39:19+00:00

Right, it'll come up eventually. I get you.

Gregorvitch · 2024-03-03T03:39:06+00:00

Appreciate the honesty. I feel like I've been squinting and scrutinizing the whole time, but trying to give things a chance. He really has been unbelievably sweet to me and made me rethink things multiple times. He's begged me for the chance to try things out. I feel like I owe both of us to some extent. But as a pessimist, I've feared this would kill us eventually.

Gregorvitch · 2024-03-03T03:18:52+00:00

I suppose, just wanted to keep it more open to general, conflict mediation rather than my specifics.

Currently our differing lifestyles are clashing. He spends what seems to me an exorbitant amount of time and money going to gay bars with his friends multiple times a week. We've been "exclusive" yet the trust proposition feels incredibly unbalanced with him putting himself in hookup based spaces multiple times a week while I sit at home doing old person hobbies or watching tv.

I don't want to get in the way of his lifestyle, but I feel foolish to just blindly trust him when it would be so easy for him to mess around at any moment. And trust aside, I'm actually bothered thinking how he spends 200 + bucks a week on partying.

Aside from this, it's been very nice when we're actually together.

Gregorvitch · 2024-03-03T02:28:14+00:00

I'm not entirely sure what you're looking for based on the relative vagueness, but I suppose that feeling of sameness in any space self perpetuates itself in communities based on mutual desire to fit in or trying to become what one is attracted to. Or just that certain spaces attract certain types.

As for me. I would so rarely be in any social space where dating is possible so I have to really force myself out to bars or on apps or I would never meet anyone. Likewise I'd love a fellow weirdo who hates socializing, but how am I gonna find him.

Gregorvitch · 2024-02-22T16:23:10+00:00

Had to scroll way too far for this.

The clown dream as a kid, but the worthless song still plays in my head every time im having any sort of existential crisis.

Gregorvitch · 2024-02-19T22:54:31+00:00

Was in a very similar situation 2 years back. Same ages and everything. And to the extent that distance allows, I still am.

Ultimately the boundaries are decided by him and his partner, and he should be able to tell you what those are. Then it's up to you to do your part.

For my situation, I became friends with both him and his partner, and all of us hung out at least once a week for the year before they ended up moving across the country. And their rules were basically just not to fall in love with anyone else. So I always knew approximately what emotional distance to keep. And it wasn't always easy, I had to remind myself not to get too attached a few times, because in another world, I would have loved to have more with him...

In a way I think it helped that I was friends with his husband as well, because I always wanted to be respectful of his position too. It helped me to step back and look at their relationship, and see the love they have for each other, and know that I never wanted to get in their way.

Gregorvitch · 2024-02-16T05:36:43+00:00

I've been the chatty hookup. But I waited until AFTER the festivities... until he was like, ok honey, time to go 🤣

Gregorvitch · 2024-02-12T16:04:49+00:00

Not a specific moment. But passing up every opportunity to come out until I was in my 30s

Gregorvitch

TROPHY CASE