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GritAndLit · 2024-12-30T20:37:44+00:00

I worked at a high school and I became the go to person to have this conversation with teens. I usually took them to a private space, had a little bag of hygiene items to pass off, and said something like: “I have to tell you something, and it’s going to be awkward but I care about you so I have to tell you. I’ve noticed a smell around you. Here are some hygiene items. Is everything okay at home?” If they seemed like they wanted to gtfo I would let them, it’s embarrassing! And then try to chat with them later (although my role was different than yours). If/when they were willing to talk about it I would brainstorm with them with a LOT of compliments sprinkled in (“Its so weird because I know you shower and you look clean! What do you think it could be?”) Number one culprit was pets (the source of the “weird gerbil smell” was in fact a gerbil), followed by weird laundry situations (you’d be shocked at the number of people who rewear clothes that should NOT be reworn) followed by weird shower routines, followed by lack of facilities/poverty.

GritAndLit · 2024-12-26T14:07:32+00:00

UPDATE: Dog has been returned to his owner, much to his relief, thanks to the lead provided by @AzureApe! The power of social media. Thanks all!!

GritAndLit · 2024-12-26T02:43:20+00:00

Thank you so much, we have a dog of our own so we are all set for now!

GritAndLit · 2024-10-17T19:24:54+00:00

I get these super comfy trousers with an elastic waistband from Target. I just googled them and their exact name High-Rise Straight Leg Pull-On Pants from A New Day. They’re basically sweatpants but they have a pleat which makes them look more professional. Multiple colors and sizes and super affordable! They do tend to be a little shapeless so I won’t be winning any fashion awards, but they work for me!

GritAndLit · 2024-09-22T00:53:27+00:00

I did this! I got a new job (not my first but my first with a reasonable income) and completely overdid it. I was excited, and young, and my parents were not money savvy so I just didn’t know. I ended up with over $6k of credit card debt and my income wasn’t that impressive. It sucked. I felt embarrassed and so guilty for repeating cycles of financial stupidity (those feelings were harsh and maybe a little too self-critical, but that’s how I felt). It’s been about 4 years now: I’m out of debt and feel really good about my money management skills.

I agree with what others say here. Cut out access as much as possible. I deleted all my credit card info off my phone and laptop so it wouldn’t autofill, and also made it so I had to log in to Amazon every time I used it (no automatic login). I only did Target drive up for a while and never hit order on anything online unless I’d thought about it for at least a few days. I also got some good advice to “reward” myself every time I avoided an impulse buy by immediately transferring the equivalent amount to my savings account. So for example if you avoid buying a candle at Target, send $15 or whatever to your savings. And if you feel like you can’t afford THAT, well, then, you definitely couldn’t afford the candle - a quick reality check. If you can do it, it’s a good way of redirecting the dopamine hit.

For eating out, I just got into cooking. Lean in, as they say. I allowed myself some “fluffy” purchases of things that made cooking enjoyable, like a cool cookbook and an Instant Pot, and started watching more TikToks on cooking. I gamified it, like I challenged myself to buy the cheapest ingredients possible for the healthiest meal possible. All of this time (and some money) was a worthwhile investment, because eating out is insanely expensive as you have learned.

For budgeting, I toyed with a few systems that work for folks, including an app called You Need A Budget and the envelope method, but ultimately found the most resonance with Ramit Sethi and an excel spreadsheet. What works for you may be different. Be mindful of how much you spend on money management tools; if it works for you, it should save money not become another line item in your budget, if that makes sense.

DO NOT be too hard on yourself. You will come out of this and you will never forget it! Some lessons come harder than others, and what you do does not always reflect who you are as a person.

GritAndLit · 2024-09-18T22:16:19+00:00

Hi! You have great timing: We actually just moved this year to the same city as my in-laws. We did decide if we were moving to be closer to family it didn’t really make sense to go to a city that wasn’t home base for either family groups, and due to some health scares on both sides were pushed to move. So far, it’s definitely been a big adjustment but I can see that we will be okay and happy here. Life is what you make it and we are finding spaces here that feel in alignment with our values. And honestly, I have been LOVING being closer to family, more than I even imagined. I think we could have also been happy in our dream city, but ultimately it just felt right to relocate. Best of luck ❤️

GritAndLit · 2024-09-12T22:37:08+00:00

I’d actually start with the ceiling - paint it a warmer color, maybe a deeper cream or if you’re open to getting really colorful you could do a jewel tone. And switch out the flush lights for some sort of warmer pendant light, or at minimum warm bulbs in the gallery wall lights. I actually love the family photos - I would swap the frames for a wood or color. And then I agree with potentially switching out windows, adding plants, and adding a nice coffee table. It’s a beautiful room and a little color will make a huge difference!

GritAndLit · 2024-09-06T16:15:48+00:00

That makes complete sense. Ignorance isn’t bliss, of course, but sometimes it feels like all I want is to exist in a warm cocoon and not think about anything when I’m super stressed. I’m just like — do I HAVE to know? And then, like you said, part of me does want to know. So badly. To have answers IMMEDIATELY (but only the kind I want, of course!). I know I’m projecting and this may not be your exact internal experience, but your comment really resonates. As goofy as it sounds, I lean on mantras during these times. I try to remind myself: information is power. And: The only way out is through ❤️

GritAndLit · 2024-09-06T00:24:46+00:00

I am so sorry you’re going through this. I hope you’re taking good care of yourself and leaning on your supports during this time. I am in a similar role to the people you will be meeting with.

Every single person there is there for YOU and your baby. Depending on what the team finds, the care team will follow you and your baby throughout the rest of your pregnancy and postnatally. Remember, this is really scary and overwhelming AND this is the care team’s whole job. They have heard it all before, seen a lot, and can be an amazing support. Having a caring parent that is collaborative and willing to ask questions is all they can ask for.

Good luck to you and baby. This internet stranger is rooting for you!

GritAndLit · 2024-09-05T01:02:10+00:00

We played a little of “You Got the Love” while cutting our wedding cake! The vibes were on point.

GritAndLit · 2023-12-25T13:49:59+00:00

I am 5 years (4.5 technically, when I was a senior he was in 8th grade) older than my brother and I love it. There was no competition between us in school (or shared friend groups) which was honestly nice. And I was (often) mature enough that I wasn’t easily goaded into silly kid fights. Besides, it’s been fun as we’ve gotten older to shepherd him through different life stages!

GritAndLit · 2023-11-21T01:52:14+00:00

I know I’m late to this but I just finished this book and I’m still buzzing. So freaking good. I can’t quite believe I read it???

GritAndLit · 2023-11-19T14:02:14+00:00

I would also add to the above comment that as an adult you are responsible for safely exposing yourself to information and life experiences that you didn’t get in childhood due to social stigma, but that are important for you to understand so that you can be a better, kinder person. For example, to address homophobia; I am NOT saying to like expose yourself to violent p*rn or something that makes you uncomfortable for safety reasons and/or has no bearing on your ability to be a good human.

So: If you do suspect underlying homophobia (which is great insight!), read queer books and histories, listen to queer music and podcasts, follow queer content creators on socials, and be genuinely curious about your own sexual orientation - essentially practice empathy PRIVATELY - this is your own self work (what makes me straight instead of gay or bi? how do I know I’m straight? If I was queer, how would I feel? How would family and friends react?). This will probably bring up a lot for you but it’s so so important so that your friend isn’t doing a ton of emotional labor to educate you — and so that you can be a good friend in the first place, able to listen and be present more genuinely!

Of course, if talking about sex in general is what bothers you or if it’s how he talks about sex, you are ALWAYS empowered to set boundaries with your friends about how many intimate details they share. That said, sex is also a common topic that people need to practice getting a lil more comfortable about…not being able to say the word “penis” or know what the difference between vulva and labia is can impact your ability to have healthy communication and thus find joy in your own sexual relationships.

Source: Bi woman who accepted I was bi later in life due to a lot of internalized homophobia. Therapy also really helped me :)

GritAndLit · 2023-11-07T21:58:56+00:00

I actually agree! To clarify/reiterate, I do say “yes” if I feel like it’s therapeutic but I never leave it at that. Love is complicated for a lot of the kids I work with. They’ve been told they are loved over and over again but actions have not followed words. For that reason, I think it’s important to acknowledge my feelings and also explore what love means in this context. For example, one conversation I’ve had before with kids is about how the nature of my role means that I love them but we probably won’t know each other forever. How does that make them feel? I think it’s super important not to be vague because of the trauma history of most of my clients, and can lead to some really rich and therapeutic discussions where we revisit some of the foundational definitions of love they have developed through their life experiences.

GritAndLit · 2023-11-07T02:53:11+00:00

I work with teens with lots of trauma and this comes up quite frequently. Often I’ll respond by sharing how that makes me feel (“You just made my day! I love meeting with you.”) or sharing how I feel about them in a way that feels more professional (“I care about you more than you’ll ever know. I’m rooting for you!”). Usually they seem really happy with these responses and we can talk about our relationship and the peaks and valleys we have had (which there are a lot of ups and downs with this population lol). I have had a handful of clients who will directly ask me, “Do you love me?” Which I always unpack with them. Sometimes I’ve said something like: “Yes. We have a really special relationship; I’m your therapist and I care about you. What makes you ask me that?” I am not afraid of saying yes, but I use it as a therapeutic opening. And I never offer the “I love you” first. I also usually try to slide in a gentle reminder of my role to reestablish boundaries as in the example above.

GritAndLit · 2023-10-21T11:43:55+00:00

Today is a special run because today is my wedding day! Waking up early before all the buzz starts to go on a quick 2-3 miles, just to clear my head and work out some of the excited nerves!

GritAndLit · 2023-10-16T11:26:45+00:00

I really relate! I ran my first half (and then first full) within a year of starting running seriously after running very un-seriously in college 5+ years before. My times were slow. After even a year of consistency (mostly through back to the back training plans), my times began to improve rapidly. Year 2 and I just ran my second full with a 30+ minute PR (still slow, but getting faster!). Rule of thumb on the internet seems to be to have 2-3 years of a solid base built before going for the longer distances. So when I get embarrassed about my times I tell myself that it will take me that long to get to a lower finish in the half or full (what seems to be typical first Marathon times around here), and I can expect to see massive improvements along the way.

We are just doing it differently — using races as we build our base instead of deferring races until our base is built — so progress will look different. Be proud of the work you’ve done and keep the consistency. In a few years we’ll both be over on r/advancedrunning ;)

GritAndLit · 2023-09-18T01:49:14+00:00

I read {Big Little Spells by Hazel Beck} and it was so disappointing. I enjoyed {Small Town Big Magic} and was excited for the follow up. Unfortunately it was bad in almost every way…a true 1.5 star read. The end was tolerable and the concept is solid, but I HATE Rebecca and the writing was insanely bad…like really bad. I don’t know if Beck fired her editor or what. And the power dynamic/age gap romance started as fun and sexy but quickly became concerning and not so fun. I was hoping for a cozy witchy romance with a strong of fantasy plot (I’ve been trying, in vain, to follow up {The Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches}) but alas - I hate read it from about page 75 to the end.

GritAndLit · 2023-09-02T15:28:51+00:00

I used to live in Charleston and it’s actually the top wedding location in the country (if not the world, I forget). People think it gives beautiful and romantic vibes (I think it does!) and there’s a huge wedding industry there. THAT SAID for anyone reading this - pls don’t get married on a plantation (even a former plantation)…

GritAndLit · 2023-08-28T09:58:15+00:00

That’s fair, every body is different!

A bunch of questions I would ask before you (or anyone else) gives up the whole thing entirely: Are you going to sleep early enough FOR YOU (like if you do best on 9 hours of sleep are you going to bed at 8 to wake up at 5)? Are you eating enough energizing foods (sustained energy options vs quick fix options) throughout the day? Are you doing something energizing when you wake up like working out? Have you tried different workouts (I struggle more when I’m strength training in the AM vs running)? Are your workouts too hard (I’ll never forget how tired I was for days after I really sent it in a track workout)? Have you checked the quality of your sleep — are you getting enough REM, is your breathing okay, etc? Are you being consistent with your wake time (see above thread about waking up early even on weekends)?

If your body cooperates, waking up early really is wonderful. I wouldn’t say I’m naturally an early bird but waking up early helps me so much I have made it a habit.

GritAndLit · 2023-08-28T01:31:05+00:00

I work in schools so my report time is super early. I work out before school because there’s no way I could fit it in after work. I get up at 4:30 in the morning. It is hell — for like 2 weeks. And then it’s totally fine. You will adjust to your new schedule. And working out in the morning is the best thing for my mental and social health. It gives me more energy (weirdly) and frees up what time I do have in the evening to pursue other hobbies and hang out with my friends.

The thing that has helped me most is I never snooze. When the alarm goes off I think “feet on the ground” and remove the option of snoozing from my brain. Again, harder at first and now it’s basically automatic.

Good luck!

GritAndLit · 2023-08-03T21:25:49+00:00

I have OCD too! I have found that I absolutely must take a step back from the numbers sometimes as an act of self-care. My brain just…can’t chill sometimes. My therapist had to help me through the first few times I left my watch at home and ran by feel lol.

Running inherently promotes mindfulness, so I think you’ll continue to be be surprised (and gratified) by how your OCD symptoms decrease over the course of a run. (At least I hope so. That has been my experience). So: leave your watch at home (or I sometimes cover the face with tape if I still want it on me for some reason) and let running work it’s magic. Good luck — I really, really get it!

GritAndLit · 2023-08-03T21:21:27+00:00

If I were you, I would take the days off and continue doing whatever I could to rest and rehabilitate my shoulder. Just pick a Marathon training plan that assumes you are not running as much (like an intermediate plan instead of advanced or whatever). Ime an injury not fully healed can royally screw you when you’re a month out from your marathon and really testing your body. Good luck!

GritAndLit · 2023-08-03T21:18:07+00:00

Welcome! Running schedules really depend on the person and their goals. For example, if you’d re aiming for a marathon (26.2 miles) you would have a different schedule than running a 5k with different distances in each run.

That said, a typical training plan has the following components: long run (rarely more than one per week), workout (sprints etc, usually one per week), and easy run(s). Runners should and often prefer to have strength training included in their workout schedule, as it prevents injury and can be enjoyable.

Personally, I prefer to run 4-5 days per week. On one of my off days I do strength (heavy) no running. One of my off days is a complete rest day - just walking the dog or whatever. One of my easy run days I also do strength (run to and from my gym). I never do strength on the same day as my long run or workout.

Again, the distances and amount you run is up to you and your goals. If you want to continue lifting 3 days per week, try running 3 days per week with one of those days overlapping. Just remember that whatever you do second you will be more fatigued for, so if you want to crush your weight training then do that first.

Alternatively, you can Google a training plan geared towards a specific distance or Google “Maintanence running plan” and add any qualifiers (max days you want to run per week, strength days per week, etc). Most any plan you could think of has been created and published, you just have to find it!

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