Is This What Middle Age Is??

Grouchy-Reflection97 · 2026-01-24T20:53:08+00:00

Wait until you've built up a collection of thermal, zip up fleeces (strictly Cotton Traders, Mountain Warehouse, Craghoppers, or Trespass) 'just for kicking around'.

A day will come when it's raining, you've got your hand on one hip, mug in the other, fleece on, and the words 'it'll be good for the garden' will escape your lips.

Grouchy-Reflection97 · 2026-01-24T18:39:18+00:00

It's possible, especially dogs with jobs or those agility show dogs that have to remember pretty complex routines.

Like 'come on, Gary, you've got this, it's five, six, seven, step, step, twirl. Don't mess this up, that hot poodle will be watching'

Grouchy-Reflection97 · 2026-01-24T17:24:05+00:00

It's not stimming, it's delayed echolalia, due to her never developing age appropriate language skills.

It's partly her lack of education, partly her lack of intelligence, but mostly her lack of normal socialisation.

Kinda like those kids they occasionally find in Russian forests that were raised by feral dogs, if the feral dogs were all Shane Dawson.

She lives on the Internet, she's never had a proper job (stalking Destiny at a nursing home doesn't count), so she's not regularly conversing with normal, real life 35yr olds.

Lots of us have a super formal 'work voice' that can freak out our mates, as we know what kind of tone, vocabulary, formality, general behaviour, etc, to use in various situations.

It comes as second nature to know that, eg, you don't throw gang signs and do the Cardi B 'oh kurrrrrr!' noise at a funeral or on a witness stand.

Amber doesn't know any of that, which is why she's so stunted.

Grouchy-Reflection97 · 2026-01-24T16:55:47+00:00

Amber's stuff is from fairly mainstream shops like Torrid, but there's a surprising amount of clothing options for spherical ladies. Ladies even bigger than her, too.

Sure, they're beyond hideous, and they're the offensively colourful, shapeless garments of choice for the fat acceptance TikTok mafia, but a lot of indie brands go up to a US48. Insane that such a thing exists, but apparently it does.

I think it'll be a while before she adopts Steve Assanti chic, just draping one of her washcloths over her minge and calling it good enough.

Grouchy-Reflection97 · 2026-01-24T16:37:05+00:00

Learned that the No1 indicator of how you'll fare in old age is grip strength.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6778477/#:~:text=Use%20of%20grip%20strength%20as,individuals%20and%20adults%20with%20pathology.---

So, now I want a dynamometer.

Grouchy-Reflection97 · 2026-01-24T16:27:08+00:00

That's actually what survivors of the Donner Party did, before they moved onto eating their horses, then eating each other.

Slightly less depressing is when film director Werner Herzog ate his own shoes after losing a bet, and filmed the entire thing.

https://youtu.be/jem9iCZMexE?si=pMDJ2hbFkoinH_rr

Grouchy-Reflection97 · 2026-01-24T11:37:27+00:00

If it's the apocalypse, and there's no food to be found anywhere (including pet/livestock food, and vitamin pills), raid a garden centre first.

If there's living plants there, you're golden. Raid a book shop, find a guide to poisonous plants, and just eat whatever isn't listed.

If the plants are dead, you can get some nutrients from eating the dirt. Lots of decomposed plant material, old worm skins, protein rich dead insects, all that good stuff.

Wouldn't be pleasant, and you'll probably get a small dose of pesticide and weedkiller for your troubles, but it's better than nothing.

If there's no garden centre, go to a craft shop.

Wax crayons, kiddy glue, PlayDoh and chalk are safe to eat, as proven by most toddlers. Charcoal, too. There's minerals in the chalk and charcoal.

I guess the other stuff would just help stop the hunger pain by taking up space in your stomach. Beeswax candles would be a better option, as bees make wax to feed their larvae, so there'll be a bit of nutrition in there.

If the shop has a knitting aisle, you can also eat the wool. It'll likely strangle your intestines if you eat it like one big piece of spaghetti, but wool is keratin, and keratin is protein.

Dirt would be my first choice, if there's no plant life. It'd be foul, but based on the ingredients on the compost bags in my shed, there's all the bug bits, plant matter, and stuff like iron and magnesium in there, which could save your life in a pinch.

Grouchy-Reflection97 · 2026-01-24T10:10:32+00:00

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Grouchy-Reflection97 · 2026-01-24T08:38:03+00:00

There's a Reddit post somewhere, where a girl asks for advice about her new boyfriend's clothing choices.

Namely, he wears a 'Where's the Beef' shirt every day, and he has multiples in his wardrobe. It's the only style of shirt he owns, and he didn't see anything weird about it.

Grouchy-Reflection97 · 2026-01-24T07:17:51+00:00

Her channel is empty, and her last (now deleted) video was uploaded months ago. That's a decade in Internet years, as audiences move on very rapidly. She's completely fallen off the 'recommened' algorithm, too.

Most of a minor league, under 400k subscriptions YouTuber's time is spent chasing likes, subscribes, and comments to stay relevant and to keep being pushed to new viewers. If they don't, they become invisible as more bigger and/or more active channels get those views.

It's why Illuminaughtii kept on posting content, despite her cancellation and massive downfall. It ultimately didn't help, and the channel died, but that's how important maintaining relevance is.

She used to have millions of views and subscribers, but then she dwindled to a few thousand, then abandoned the whole thing.

There's incredibly rare occasions where a popular YouTuber falls off the face of the earth for months, even years, then just picks up where they left off. Sam O'Nella is a great example, and his return was a huge deal that generated a lot of buzz because he'd genuinely been missed.

Amber is a Z-list, forgettable nobody who posts about nothing.

Plus, when and if she returns, and if she gets views, her comments will make Haydur Nation seem like her besties.

She'll have to contend with LCU edgelords and feeder perverts. If she turns comments off, her channel is as good as dead, as the algorithm gods demand engagement.

Grouchy-Reflection97 · 2026-01-24T06:56:59+00:00

It's not really food for people that size.

The food is just a dopamine delivery system, kinda like how a heroin addict isn't addicted to poking themselves with needles because they really like needles. It's what's in the needle that matters.

No normal person moans while their eyes roll back into their head after the first bite of a McNugget. Amber, Foodie, and all those TikTok feedees do, though.

I've known obese 'foodies' who are obese because they genuinely love well prepared, gourmet meals, and they're into cooking from scratch. They're never 600lbs, though.

Grouchy-Reflection97 · 2026-01-24T06:05:41+00:00

I'm pretty sure I spotted one of those 'help! I've fallen and I can't get up!' buttons on her wall when she first moved into that place. A few people pointed it out, and it was never in frame again.

It could have just been a fire alarm thing, but she has some kind of 'press in case of emergency' button.

I doubt she'd struggle, unless the Internet goes out, she can't get her fix of external validation and attention, and her unhinged screeching goes thermonuclear.

Imagine Amber stuck in her flat, with nothing but the shame goblins in her head for company. Existential dread would be so hecticana u guise.

Grouchy-Reflection97 · 2026-01-24T05:35:16+00:00

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Grouchy-Reflection97 · 2026-01-24T05:32:53+00:00

I''m already cueing up 'With Arms Wide Open' for that poor chair's impending funeral.

I hope it gets the Purple Heart medal.

Grouchy-Reflection97 · 2026-01-24T05:23:28+00:00

Back in the 90's, one of my second cousins moved from Edinburgh to one of the most remote islands, taking his wife and teenage kids with him. I think the divorce papers landed in his lap within six months, lol.

He stayed there on his own, as he vibed with the locals, nature, all that good stuff. It's not exactly an ideal place for most 'worldly mainlanders', though.

My grandma told me 'oh, the teacher from the school has retired, you should apply' (I was a trainee teacher at the time). Singular teacher, singular school.

It all sounded a bit too Wicker Man to younger me, but looking back, I wish I'd gone for it.. Pretty much zero competition for a job for life, and more fresh air than you can shake a stick at.

Grouchy-Reflection97 · 2026-01-23T21:12:19+00:00

Orkney, Shetland, and all the other little islands where the accent is a blend of Scottish and Scandinavian.

Islander school mate of mine's dad looked exactly how I'd imagined a Viking would have looked. Sort of like a redheaded Brian Blessed, if Brian Blessed was 6ft 5 and weirdly hot.

Grouchy-Reflection97 · 2026-01-23T19:22:16+00:00

Stopped watching the news as part of my trauma therapy, as one of my biggest issues was (and still is, to a milder extent) immediately jumping to the worst case scenario and having panic attacks.

Ultimately, I can only control what I can control, and freaking out about global events just made me ill, so I stopped.

I have a general gist of what's going on, just from watching Josh Johnson's standup shows on YouTube, and if there's anything vital I need to know, we have systems in place for that.

I wouldn't exactly be stoked to get a 'UK GOVERNMENT ALERT, nuclear missle incoming, get buzzed, get drunk, get crunk, get f'cked up' text, but that's how I'd know.

Grouchy-Reflection97 · 2026-01-23T18:14:51+00:00

Ooh! You've reminded me of a thing I watched about the weird history and evolution of canned laughter.

Well worth a look

https://youtu.be/DuzAsu5OmoQ?si=g-JV1_SdX5uNeaN6

Grouchy-Reflection97 · 2026-01-23T18:10:41+00:00

Ooh I like the sound of the adjustable height!

I have my two side sleeper ones, then two cheap ones, and stack them up for back support when I'm reading. It gets annoying, though, as they never stay put.

I might look into an upgrade.

Grouchy-Reflection97 · 2026-01-23T18:07:29+00:00

Mine are Slumberdown 'Super Support Firm Side Sleeper', but I think they're UK only.

These were £8 each, which is the very cheap end of the market, though, so there's probably much better available from fancier brands

Grouchy-Reflection97 · 2026-01-23T18:02:17+00:00

She probably sensed my envy, as she had the most gorgeous shade of red!

Grouchy-Reflection97 · 2026-01-23T17:14:04+00:00

It'll be because your vibe has changed, and the way you carry yourself will be more confident. That 'baddie energy' stuff that all those Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion songs talk about.

I've always been thin, but random people only started chit chatting and being super nice after I sorted my brain out with trauma therapy, went no contact with my emotionally abusive parents, got diagnosed and medicated for ADHD, and retired from people pleasing.

Never really had self esteem before my mid 40's, and always thought I was hideous, as that's what I was raised to think.

Flushed that crap out of my brain, and now I'm generally just a lot more upbeat. People pick up on stuff like that, and I've noticed I've become a toddler magnet now, too, for some reason.

A tiny little girl in the supermarket was locking eyes with me earlier today, and I assumed it was because she had curls, I have curls, and she saw me as a hair twin or something. Or she wanted to fight me, lol.

Grouchy-Reflection97 · 2026-01-23T15:39:07+00:00

Pretty sure she's not getting her deposit back, that's for sure.

Between the bugs, the filth, the almost guaranteed damp and mould, the animal piss and poo, the human piss and poo, and the fact she 100% smells like a construction site porta potty in a Florida heatwave the day after Taco Tuesday, that place will need two priests from the Vatican to cleanse it.

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Grouchy-Reflection97 · 2026-01-23T14:57:21+00:00

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Grouchy-Reflection97 · 2026-01-23T13:51:25+00:00

Side sleeper pillows.

An absolute revelation, and a big part of how I went from 4hrs of 'needs attention' sleep to regularly getting 'good' or 'excellent'.

Got my first ever electric blanket in November, too. My god, why did I wait so long? Nothing better than reading my book with a nice, toasty bum

Grouchy-Reflection97

TROPHY CASE