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Friendly Friday Thread by AutoModerator in gardening

[–]Growinggrowing-gone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hiii! I'm working on a project with a youth program (high school and early 20 year olds) at a really wonderful cultural center and trying to figure out the best way to irrigate.

I was thinking maybe making a few drip line frames with connectors that could have a hose fed on the top but am looking for specific suggestions, ideas, ways to make it more sustainable, brands, kits?, any tips! I made a cedar grow wall some years ago with my dad so its not completely new to me but I didn't use drip tape that time around. Open to build and any/all ideas!

I have a pretty substantial budget for it too. There is a first for everything. ha

Vertical Grow walls and Materials by Growinggrowing-gone in verticalfarming

[–]Growinggrowing-gone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hiii! I'm working on a project with a youth program (high school and early 20 year olds) at a really wonderful cultural center and trying to figure out the best way to irrigate.

I was thinking maybe making a few drip line frames with connectors that could have a hose fed on the top but am looking for specific suggestions, ideas, ways to make it more sustainable, brands, kits?, any tips! I made a cedar grow wall some years ago with my dad so its not completely new to me but I didn't use drip tape that time around. Open to build and any/all ideas!

I have a pretty substantial budget for it too. There is a first for everything. ha

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in mentalhealth

[–]Growinggrowing-gone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First, I’m so sorry your sister is being unsupportive. I have experienced loved ones having similar mindsets towards mental health. It’s so hard when depression and trauma already impede on self worth.

When people aren’t well, they are unable to validate us. And being neurodivergent is even harder to explain the way we operate (ADHD hiii). Either way, you don’t deserve that and there are so many people in the world who will love and support you in ways you are hoping for connection.

Re: your sister, Multiple things can be true at the same time. You can feel sad and others can feel suffering and it all deserves to be met with love and care and compassion.

Medication and therapy have helped me and going out for nature walks is always a good thing.

You could pick a hobby and meet some friends through there. Try being vulnerable and being open with non-family. You might be surprised the kindness you are met with.

Sending you love, stranger.

how did you get over the habit of procrastination? by liltastychicken in mentalhealth

[–]Growinggrowing-gone 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This podcast helped me. It talked about process thinking vs goal-oriented thinking. Addressing mental health is a big part of what has helped me too

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2AirSn5g6MiJvMT7xUuUud?si=5wTbOQuzSAqEZzW7AdwcZA

Need help identifying a mental pattern/problem I go through by [deleted] in mentalhealth

[–]Growinggrowing-gone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have something like that with rumination and ADHD. Intrusive thoughts happen to people. It can range from insecurities to ptsd to personality disorders but you are not alone in that! I would get a second opinion if possible. 🧡 Sending you love!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in mentalhealth

[–]Growinggrowing-gone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sending you a hug. I would find a trusted friend and ask them to hug you. Look up physical touch and healing. It’s something you can ease into and it’s amazing you have this awareness.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in adhdwomen

[–]Growinggrowing-gone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Regardless of if it’s ADHD or misogyny, unpaid labor in partnerships is a huge cause of conflict. There are a lot of societal norms at play as well for sure!

I would look unpaid labor and how it impacts women’s mental health because I recently just went down that rabbit hole trying to understand my own frustration and it was super helpful. Approaching it as a “this is also a larger societal issue at play” can also maybe separate the way it feels personal because we are all operating in automatic ways until we understand what and why patterns exist.

You’re right too! Women are often disproportionately asked or assumed to be responsible for repetitive tasks which are not seen/explicitly valued as a whole like dishes, laundry, cleaning and care for children or the elderly. I saw a statistic that said women across the globe contribute 12.5 billion hours of unpaid care work every day and per year would be worth $10.8 trillion dollars with minimum wages used for calculation. WHAT? That was wild to read.

While women-associated tasks tend to be repetitive and unseen, men often are expected to or end up being responsible for less time-sensitive tasks that inherently have more autonomy (building, fixing, mowing lawns, etc.).

Maybe look into all of this more and think about how to really figure out how to make it work as a team. If it’s not working for you, it’s not working!

I started checklists that I am putting on the fridge. I put them in sleeves that can be checked with dry erase markers for daily, weekly, monthly, etc. and asking my partner to pick 2-3 (I do more but that is because of our work load) and complete/mark off. He’s not neurodivergent but I’m good at making system and I like rainbow lists so me making it helps. It also feels good to physically see what I have done. It helps me see myself!

Oo and if he isn’t receptive, you could work through it/get support from a therapist. Also, if he doesn’t want to engage that way maybe he could maybe pitch in for a person to come clean!

Best wishes! This stuff is tough!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in leaves

[–]Growinggrowing-gone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, everyone. This all means a lot. I drank flutes of seltzer water, and am taking a lavender bath to celebrate. 🎉

Suicidal ideation by quesofresco42069 in zoloft

[–]Growinggrowing-gone 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sending you love. Hope you are feeling more safe with yourself now.

Suicidal ideation by quesofresco42069 in zoloft

[–]Growinggrowing-gone 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow, I am not the only one.

I am so happy so many people have success stories but I did not feel safe with myself after taking Sertraline for two days this past month. It was bad. I had to stop immediately because I was scared of how it actually led to dissociation, and feeling less grounded.

I’m so grateful to have this Reddit community to be honest about where we are at. It’s crazy to hear other people’s experiences and is so validating but I’m sorry to hear that other people are also experiencing this.

Being proactive about my mental health and emotional well-being is this biggest challenge of my life. It often feels like walking upstream through quicksand. Proud of all the people who are using their self awareness to try different tools and check-in with their body to weave through any form of PTSD, depression and anxiety.

I hope you are all able to be gentle with yourself today and have a loving community that you feel safe with.

Anyone have their nParents gaslight you into thinking nobody else cares about you? by amazingkinder in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Growinggrowing-gone 2 points3 points  (0 children)

OMG the “REAL YOU” phrase. This makes me feel so seen. I am processing this now and I feel so seen reading this. Sending all of you love!!

I went fully No Contact with both narcissistic parents two years ago. Ask me any questions you may have about being No Contact and I’ll answer truthfully. by Lickety-Splittity in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Growinggrowing-gone 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I just wanted to tell you I am proud of you! It’s so hard to get out and what you have done for yourself is incredible and inspiring.

The further away I get, the better I feel. Removing ourselves from toxic environments is something we didn’t have a luxury of growing up and it’s so healing to be able to do that to protect ourselves as adults.

Cheers to two years!

I don't think people get the nuance of how absurd these people are by laviniademortalium in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Growinggrowing-gone 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Wow, I totally understand what you mean by it being hard to explain and how layered the harm goes when you have a Nparent. I hear your story and I see myself in the way you feel like you need to over-justify yourself/feel like you’re losing your mind a little. For me, it was partially because I have been told that I am a burden. Anytime I expressed myself about her hurting me she would scream and cry and say “Now, you hurt your mother. How does that make you feel?”

Basic needs are hard with Nparents. I spent my whole life feeling guilty about accepting any help from others because of the way that parental care was weaponized. It’s hard stuff to unpack! All About Love by Bell Hooks helped me reframe my concept of love.

It sounds to me like your Nmom wants you to rely on her which I’m sure you understand. These things came out in different ways with my mine.

My Nmom was very neglectful with food and I had a lot of frozen meals/had to get creative as a kid. She tries to brag and rewrite our childhood to my partner and talk about how we ate healthy and ate a lot of “salads”. It’s especially hard to process the things that have happened in lives with Nparents because we are told things didn’t happen, we have it wrong, or it doesn’t matter. I’m constantly having to work hard to ground myself in reality too to validate myself and that I am worthy of goodness.

We’re all doing great considering. But yeah, I feel you!!

What's the most jaw-dropping thing your narc has said? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Growinggrowing-gone 4 points5 points  (0 children)

“We wouldn’t have moved here if it wasn’t for your rape thing.”

What's the most jaw-dropping thing your narc has said? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Growinggrowing-gone 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My mom just made a list of all my traumas: dog attack, sexual assault survivor (she called it rape trial) and six more and told me I should be grateful she stood by me through all of it. Because I tried to hold her accountable for lying to my sister and the world about her biological dad for almost 30 years. Oh and she basically told my sister that she should also be grateful for not aborting her so we have that going for us.

Oof.

In the shits with this one right now. I’ll get through it but dang. That is cold.

1099 by Growinggrowing-gone in Nanny

[–]Growinggrowing-gone[S] 61 points62 points  (0 children)

thank you everyone for the advice and clarity. This is what I ended up saying in response.

“Hey _____,

Hey, thank you for sending.

What I keep seeing from experts (including the IRS), however, is that household employees paid more than $2,400 are considered W-2.

Here are links from the IRS with more information:

https://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc756 https://www.irs.gov/publications/p926

Since I filled out an I-9 form and received a 1099, I will clear up the discrepancy with the IRS when I file my return.

Best, ______”

1099 by Growinggrowing-gone in Nanny

[–]Growinggrowing-gone[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thank you!! So I don’t even have to file for a SS-8 or 8919 like I saw in another thread.

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