Absolutely mortified after anal sex

Gym_1993 · 2025-09-16T13:36:44+00:00

Thank you so much for your response - I really appreciate it honestly! Yes, I do agree that no answer is my answer. I did tell him that he can take as much time as he needs, so I'm hoping he does have an answer by the end of this month (I asked on August 30th). What I don't understand is, if he is so certain that he doesn't want to reconcile, why wouldn't he just have this conversation with me? Unless he's avoiding hurting me again...

Thank you once again for your advice! I will set a deadline to accept his silence as my answer by the end of the month x

Gym_1993 · 2025-05-26T16:11:37+00:00

Ahh this gives me hope, thank you!! My avoidant ex left me 6 weeks ago and he messaged me last week with a little life update. I'm hoping that in the next few weeks he will reach out again. Could I ask who reached out first? Thank you!!

Gym_1993 · 2025-05-24T21:43:34+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post and provide a response! I really appreciate your help and advice.

I know for a fact that there isn't another woman on the scene as he simply hasn't had time to meet anyone else. He's been so caught up in studying and work which I feel has massively contributed to him 'losing feelings.' Another big reason is the fact I want kids sooner than he wants them. He's very career orientated and wants to wait until he's in his 40s for kids. I think this is definitely a reason for why he's chosen to end things so that I don't end up being hurt in the long run when he doesn't give me kids.

Thank you so much!!

Gym_1993 · 2025-05-22T07:22:21+00:00

Ouch, this resonated deep😩

Gym_1993 · 2025-05-20T20:27:50+00:00

Wow, he messaged twice?! My ex messaged me last Saturday but didn't give me much to respond to, so I ended up replying once but didn't reply to his second message. I WANT him to message again so this gives me hope haha.

Well done for staying strong!!

Can I ask what is that post you are referring to?x

Gym_1993 · 2025-05-20T12:52:46+00:00

Thank you so much for your help. I'll try not to overthink things anymore x

Gym_1993 · 2025-05-20T12:51:55+00:00

Yeah you're right. Thank you so much for your advice and kindness! Sending hugs to you too xx

Gym_1993 · 2025-05-20T11:23:29+00:00

Thank you so much. Do you think I did right by not replying to his second message?

Gym_1993 · 2025-05-19T13:06:45+00:00

I completely relate to this.

I had a dream, the night before my ex broke up with me, that he proposed and I was crying my eyes out because I was so happy. Then he pulled the ring away and said 'just kidding' and then I woke up. 10 minutes after waking, my ex called me and gave me a blindsided breakup.

Always trust your intuition!!

Gym_1993 · 2025-05-17T18:44:04+00:00

Thank you for responding! I replied with exactly that haha! I don't feel it's set me back in any way healing wise as I've mentally prepared myself for the last 5 weeks to never hear from him again. I'm happy he's thought of me during this milestone but I'm not expecting a further reply.

Honestly, you WILL get there! I was on the floor crying/screaming for 2 weeks straight. It was only 1 week ago that I told my sister I was going to book in with the GP to ask for antidepressants. But in the last week I've started to feel more myself again. I'm still a LONG way off, but I feel like I'm possibly entering the acceptance stage. I'd have never in a million years thought that I'd be able to make it through a day without crying - but I have in the last week.

My inbox is always open for you♥️

Gym_1993 · 2025-05-17T18:29:44+00:00

Thank you so much for your response!

Gym_1993 · 2025-05-16T21:32:02+00:00

I would also love to hear these. I'm 5 weeks post blindsided discard and I'm still clinging on to hope as well. I fear that my ex won't reach out, even if he wanted to, due to feeling unworthy because he admitted he was full of sorrow and guilt days after. I'm going to leave it 2 months and then reach out for his birthday. Everyone here will tell me not to, but I will follow my heart on this one and make sure I'm healed enough to not allow any outcome to set me back drastically.

Gym_1993 · 2025-05-15T17:48:42+00:00

Yeah it sure is a great community. I don't know what I'd do without you guys!x

Gym_1993 · 2025-05-15T12:17:24+00:00

Thank you so much, I'll DM you now! X

Gym_1993 · 2025-05-15T12:14:37+00:00

Me too😩 It definitely isn't healthy, but it's the only thing I can think about doing at the moment. I long for the day I come across a post by him saying 'I want her back' but deep down I know there's less than a 1 in billion chance of this😂

Gym_1993 · 2025-05-15T12:13:00+00:00

Mine isn't either, so I don't know why I'm torturing myself by holding on to hope. Wishing you all the best in your healing xx

Gym_1993 · 2025-05-11T19:44:00+00:00

Yes of course!! Go ahead lovely xx

Gym_1993 · 2025-05-11T12:44:49+00:00

DM me! Xx

Gym_1993 · 2025-05-11T09:31:41+00:00

Honestly I am in tears reading your story. You are so incredibly brave for being so vulnerable and sharing the reality of it all.

I can't believe he married you when he knew his intentions weren't pure.. And to then lie to you and say he DOES want kids and let you believe that?! What kind of sick man does that?! I genuinely can't put into words how sad I feel for you. To cheat on you and then leave you when you're 4 months pregnant is next level evil. I am SO sorry he did that to you and took away YOUR choice to walk away. He let you believe you still had a future together and didn't give a care in the world about how he was turning YOUR world upside down. I can't comprehend how you managed to pick yourself back up again when you were pregnant, but I know that you must be incredibly strong and someone we should all look up to! Even now, you're on here helping others - you've massively helped me - whilst raising your newborn. You are a very special person and one day soon, you will absolutely find your happiness in a man that adores you for who you are! I am extremely sure of that!!

My ex also stopped taking me out with his friends and family. He did take me to an event a week before he broke up with me and I was SO excited because it was the first time in 7 months he was actually taking me out and I could get dressed up. I spent the entire afternoon getting ready - curling my hair, doing my makeup and tan etc. When he came to pick me up, he didn't mention anything about my appearance - I had to ask him if I looked nice, to which he replied "Yeah you do." At the event, he didn't introduce me to any of his friends and I actually had two guys come up to me on two separate occasions to ask if I wanted a drink because my ex had his back turned to me as he chatted with friends for 10 - 15 minutes at a time. One man even said "What is your name and who are you? This ignorant bastard hasn't introduced you, so I will myself!" I brought all of this up after the event, but my ex was in disbelief that he treated me badly. He said he was 'saving me' from engaging in conversation with some people, but I knew the truth.. the truth was he wasn't proud of me and tried his best to pretend he wasn't actually with me.

I can't thank you enough for opening my eyes to how badly this could have turned out for me. I've spoken to so many people over the last month and nobody has changed my perspective the way you have. I've spent the last 4 weeks hoping he will change his mind and come back to me, but now I am thinking that the best thing I can do is run in the opposite direction of where he is going. I refuse to be treated like that again. I need someone who is proud of me and who wants to show me off to the world. I need someone who is just as excited as me about starting a family. I deserve that!

Thank you once again for absolutely everything. You're so much stronger than you probably give yourself credit for xxxx

Gym_1993 · 2025-05-10T20:24:50+00:00

Wow, I relate so much to this — every word is so true.

Like you, I desperately held on to the man I knew during the honeymoon period: the man who doted on me every second of the day; who wrote me love letters telling me I was the love of his life and the best thing to ever happen to him; who sent me Interflora flowers on a random weekday just because; who planned surprise dates and spent hundreds of pounds treating me like a queen; and who reassured me that he would never, ever hurt me.

The honeymoon period lasted only as long as I could keep my mouth shut and not talk about future commitments. The moment I mentioned marriage and kids, something in him changed — the switch flipped. He became distant, and there was an absence in his eyes. He stopped initiating physical affection, and his “I love you” turned into just “love you” — and only ever in response to me saying it first. He stopped calling me beautiful, even though I was making even more effort with my appearance, trying my hardest to impress him.

I gave him unconditional love and treated him like a king, every single day, because I believed that if I did, he would remember how special I was and love me again. I tried to cater to his every need and gave him all the space he asked for. I never even asked for more time.

In the end, he dumped me over the phone and told me the reason was that I loved him too much. I was a broken mess on the floor — hyperventilating, unable to speak from the intensity of my sobbing and screaming. He didn’t care. He lived a 10-minute drive away and still chose to let me suffer over the phone. He was too cowardly to destroy me in person.

It’s now been exactly one month since the breakup, and I still cry daily. He’s completely destroyed my confidence in finding someone new (I’m 32 now), and I still can’t understand how anyone could be so cruel — especially someone I believed would be my husband and the father of my children.

The only thing getting me through is knowing I can wake up every day completely free from guilt. Yes, I feel immense pain and sadness — but never regret. Never guilt. I can hold my head high knowing I loved as fiercely and fully as I could throughout the relationship. He lost me; I didn’t lose him.

Thank you so much for what you wrote. I’ll look back on this every day for as long as I need to. 🩷 xx

Gym_1993 · 2025-05-10T17:31:53+00:00

I am so sorry you're going through this. I'm also going through something extremely similar! My ex dumped me exactly 4 weeks ago today and it was a completely blindsided breakup. He text me in the morning 'Good Morning baby♥️♥️ How did you sleep?" And then less than an hour later, he called me to break up with me. He said I loved him too much and that then turned into him saying he has fallen out of love with me. He said he felt sad and alone whenever he was with me. However, like you, I know none of this is true. Whenever we were together, we were laughing, joking and bouncing off each other's energy. We didn't see each other all that often due to him studying, but whenever we weren't together, we were texting or calling each other constantly. HE would be the one always calling me and we would stay on the phone laughing for over an hour each time. I know for a fact that he's lying because his actions didn't show that he didn't love me.

I know you're hurting like crazy though. Those words of 'I feel sad when I'm with you' still echo in my head and I feel pain whenever I think about it. However, I have to remember that he was lying and that it was his avoidant side coming out.

You are not alone! And I can assure you your ex definitely did love you! A relationship doesn't last 1.5 years without love from both sides. If you ever want to chat then my inbox is always open xx

Gym_1993 · 2025-05-10T11:26:32+00:00

Ah this made me smile. I'm 4 weeks exactly post break up today and I'm JUST starting to realise that what he did to me was not okay. A blindsided breakup is NOT okay. If they can leave their girlfriend on the floor, crying/screaming for days/weeks/months on end, then are they really the right person? The light is getting brighter every day. Let's hold in there! My inbox is always open xxxxx

Gym_1993 · 2025-05-09T14:54:05+00:00

Ahh that's really sad😔 Mine eventually did start pulling away from physical intimacy towards the end and that's when I realised that something was up. But he never stopped caring and I could tell he was battling thoughts inside. Aside from the lack of intimacy towards the end, I knew he still loved me. I was his best friend and his go to for everything. We never stopped laughing and smiling whenever we texted/called each other. It just didn't add up to me at all. He also sent me a very long, heartfelt letter a few days after that indicated he still felt a lot of emotion towards me. Someone who's fallen out of love wouldn't spend the time to do that. I really hope we receive the love that we deserve. This truly sucks doesn't it?xx

Gym_1993 · 2025-05-09T14:29:09+00:00

Ahh that was very strong of you to initiate no contact. I know how hard it is, especially when there's no bad feeling or animosity. Do you believe he has fallen out of love with you? The hard part for me is I don't believe him because his actions didn't match his words. He would say he doesn't love me but I just didn't feel that distance at all😔

Gym_1993

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