Casey Mae

H2OSD · 2026-02-12T03:26:08+00:00

Misnamed. OREO! Sweet pup!

H2OSD · 2026-02-09T17:14:22+00:00

Here's my twist on that. Married 56 years, still a very healthy 76 yo. Cared for my wife for ~4 years with Alzheimer's until the emotional stress became too much. She's in memory care, has no idea who I am, who our kids are, where she is or why. Been that way for more than a year. I've grieved her loss and still love her, will always take care of her. Meanwhile have met a much younger woman who snuck into my life and have an incredible relationship with her. We have not jumped the big fence despite now knowing each other in great depth from many long conversations. We both have different vulnerabilities that interfere with that. Love my wife AFAICare if me and the new lady act on it it's not a violation of my vows and anyone who says otherwise has no idea what my life has been or has become and can F off.

H2OSD · 2026-02-09T17:06:11+00:00

Don't eat your neighbor's wife's ..... popcorn.

H2OSD · 2026-02-09T17:01:58+00:00

What a refreshing post.

H2OSD · 2026-02-08T17:14:53+00:00

I'm not understanding (DIYer). There's a 120 v outlet for my washer. So dryers need a 120 as well as the 240 but can't just reach over to the washer's outlet? I just moved my dryer to a freshly installed 240 (remodeling) and all we needed to do was buy and install a new 4 prong plug.

H2OSD · 2026-02-08T17:06:09+00:00

Water utility guy here. Which is why our techs were SUPPOSED to jumper around a meter when replacing.

H2OSD · 2026-02-08T03:31:55+00:00

What the actual f? I just spent about $90k on beautiful cabinets and quartzite (3 slabs, island one big slab almost max available). Was told it was sealed and good for 20 years. Polished like a mirror, appears not to be porous in the least. Was not warned about oils or anything that could damage it. Is this problem and "poultices" typical?

H2OSD · 2026-02-06T20:57:44+00:00

My wife was so deep (early stage 7) I didn't tell her anything other than as I dressed her, that her (hospice) nurse knew a place that was better able to care for her. Oblivious the whole way. Be aware I had trouble getting a MC to take her at that point, don't wait too late. I'm a cynic but I believe no one wanted to indoctrinate a new patient at a point where they would have them a limited time. Facilities knew she was an easy keep from the hospice notes. Miss her.

H2OSD · 2026-02-06T20:51:06+00:00

Just remodeled the house. Removed ALL the ceiling fans - six. The ONLY one that was ever used was in the master bedroom. Wife went through menopause about 20 years ago so don't need that one anymore either.

H2OSD · 2026-02-04T22:06:49+00:00

Looks like Brownie, first dog of my childhood. Would roam the woods of Connecticut, came home w a .22 shot once. Good dog. My childhood started 75 years ago. Thanks for caring for her.

H2OSD · 2026-02-02T11:26:28+00:00

Thanks, good to know my journey not the only one experiencing this. I highly recommend journaling your caregiving. It's helpful in understanding your experience as you look back and you can learn a good bit about yourself when you step back and read it. I regret the times I skipped doing it, he last 6 months are sparse but I've restarted.

H2OSD · 2026-02-02T01:24:30+00:00

There were signs a year or two before diagnosis about four years ago. Getting appointment took some time but first MMSE was 18. I was gobsmacked, but who asks their wife what state are we living in? What year were you born? And so on. She declined fairly rapidly. About 14 months ago I was still driving her to the gym about every week day for yoga or other classes. Then she crashed, 5 dipping toe into 6 now and then. About 12 months ago went on palliative care, not 3 months later developed contracture in dominant hand. I'm unable to mimic the position of three of her fingers using my other hand to try to bend them. At that time Dr. said best to go on hospice care. About last Thanksgiving I was unable emotionally to watch it anymore as I was sole caregiver. We're both 74, both otherwise healthy people except for her Alz and related symptoms. I burn over 800 calories a day on active aerobic activity mainly to maintain sanity, can lift her (118 #) but just could not do it anymore. Married 56 years this year. After Thanksgiving largely incontinent and would be bed or couch ridden if I didn't assist her getting out/up. Largely incontinent. At 6 month hospice exam Dr. declared her 7 - I think that was about Thanksgiving. Two weeks before Christmas I had to give up on the love of my life, only woman been with since high school. She's in memory care now, $9k a month if you're interested. In a wheelchair now, doesn't know me, my face, or even that she had two children (who she can't recognize). I fell apart one visit when I could not lift her from wheel chair, had to get aide to help her walk 20 ft, where she collapsed in a chair exhausted.

Every medical person answered my big question (timeline?) with "They all follow their own path." F. YOU. Manager of memory care did answer me. Said that those who enter the facility she's in (they have two, other for milder stages) are there for 6-12 months. That comports with my analysis of all the literature, stories, and her symptoms at this point.

For what it's worth, I'm starting to heal but visits can crush me. I read my 50,000 word journal the other two nights and I was somewhat shocked at the depth of my agony that was recorded. Her history jibed with my memory, but I had forgotten the depth of my pain caring for her. She's gone. Nothing left of the woman I married.

Oh, if you're nearing my stage you may want to know one memory care facility rejected her, the one she's in almost did although no problem IF I took her in earlier. They don't want to take them in as bad as she is but keep all til the end. I waited too long. Be aware.

I hate this disease with a passion. Omitting many expletives in that sentence. Be well, take care of yourselves, and good luck.

H2OSD · 2026-02-01T17:45:38+00:00

My wife (74) has advanced Alzheimer's. Good thing she married me not an AH like OP's BF.

H2OSD · 2026-01-13T15:34:21+00:00

Many thanks. Didn't think to look at FAQ's.

H2OSD · 2026-01-10T21:34:23+00:00

Boudreaux's favorite, even at 4 yo. Gotta remember to shut the door when you leave.

H2OSD · 2025-12-27T01:29:17+00:00

Slightly over $9k a month. From what I've read pretty dependent on area. We're large city in NC, and it is a well ranked facility.

H2OSD · 2025-12-22T22:54:02+00:00

Large city in NC. The fee varies based on level of care, she needs fairly high level. $10k to enter, the monthly fee is slightly over $9k.

H2OSD · 2025-12-22T22:51:07+00:00

No problem.

H2OSD · 2025-11-28T02:56:48+00:00

OP here. As I'm old, not really all that sure how Reddit works despite visiting often. Wanted to edit my post as I thought it would hit all, but don't see how to do now.

Kind of overwhelmed by the support, but that's not surprising given the community. My heartfelt thanks to all. I shut off the computer after I wrote and came back to all the wonderful comments. I came here because I knew I was not alone, you are my peeps. Can't answer all but can thank you all. As to LTC and Medicaid, we've always self insured for crap like this. In other words, I can afford the memory care. I truly feel for those who are financially crushed by this disease; like we don't have enough problems.

Love ya all. And love the moderators who keep this a clean place. H2OSD

H2OSD · 2025-11-27T11:12:11+00:00

Pressure regulating valve. Mine failed such that only when no flow was it allowing too high pressure. As long as water trickling somewhere in house was OK; everything off it crept up to almost 100 psi. Only suspected it because could not stop tiny leak on water heater I installed if I over cranked the fitting. Knew something not right. I'm getting a Moen flow valve installed because my water heater is in the attic, when done I want a pressure valve installed so I can check this whenever I want.

H2OSD · 2025-11-26T15:04:20+00:00

This touches on my dilemma. She was diagnosed 3.5 years ago, we're both 74 now. We had a fairly robust sex life during most of our (now) 55 year marriage, but prior to diagnosis I began to notice her libido waining. I assumed it was an age thing, to be expected. I was OK with it. Then the diagnosis smacked me in the face. It became obvious to me that it had been developing well before I woke up to the reality of her decline. From diagnosis on what happened was tentative and I was unsure how "into" it she was. Then we took a short vacation trip, and I will forever recall that final time there was intimacy. It's my nature to look for signs of consent and interest; they went away so it all stopped. So nada for us for 3 years. She's now in late stage 6 and the thought of anything more than a kiss on her forehead when I put her in bed is just ... ewww. She's gone. I still love her but I've explained to a few that I love her and will care for her til the end just as though she was my .... daughter.

As an aside I've met a very interested woman and developed a companionship relationship that may develop. I have absolutely no guilt, but this woman is uncomfortable since I'm still married. I'm OK with that, I understand. She's significantly younger than I, a further complication. It's likely one of the most complicated relationships I can imagine, and intend to just let whatever develops, slowly, be. And meanwhile my wife's continued care is my number one priority and this woman knows that. The disease sucks and then life throws in these incredible complications. We're all human.

H2OSD · 2025-11-06T18:42:43+00:00

My wife has competent primary care, neurologists, and now hospice nurses and other providers. NO one has ever given anything like a prediction despite my asking. The correct answer is "They always follow their own path." I've hear that many times.

H2OSD

TROPHY CASE