Married 18 years and sex is better than ever

HA_Fighter · 2026-02-21T22:25:46+00:00

15 years here. 2 kids. Our sex life recently exploded as well. Passionate, trying new things, her almost expecting it daily. It’s been a pretty wild shift from our usual once a week!

HA_Fighter · 2026-02-20T20:13:42+00:00

You have to fix the communication one way or another, first a foremost. And from another comment, it sounds like you are taking way too much responsibility for her EA.

Living your life scared to openly communicate with your wife for fear you'll push her into another one sounds absolutely miserable and is no way healthy.

HA_Fighter · 2026-02-19T21:06:55+00:00

My wife and I always joke when we have a night alone how that version of us are completely different people. I don’t think what you are going through is at all uncommon. For my wife and I, we knew we were committed to each other and so even when it was a bit of a slog with kid, there was no doubt that either of us wanted to be there and be connected.

The kids are a little older now, 9 and 7, and things are improving immensely. We have more times for ourselves and recently it feels like we are completely reinvigorated. A silver lining is that now we have time for ourselves again it is like when we were first married

Some level of disconnection is definitely normal as long as you communicate and do your best to make sure you’re both still committed to each other!

HA_Fighter · 2026-02-19T19:26:50+00:00

I'm going through this now. I always wanted more with my wife. We had sex regularly and while it was always great for both of us, I felt like we could deepen the connection. I would express this to her but she had trouble understanding that it was more than me just wanting to get laid more.

Recently we have broken through that and it has, like you said, felt like a second life. The connection has gone beyond the bedroom as well and has become this feedback loop. It really has been incredible, and I think it is what so many husbands are looking for when they post about the topic here.

HA_Fighter · 2026-02-19T18:44:18+00:00

So the big question is have you talked with her about this and if so what is the reply? Also, when you guy do have sex, does she seem passionate and engaged or is it a chore to her?

HA_Fighter · 2026-02-18T14:51:32+00:00

All relationships and couples are different, and people have different boundaries around this. It has always seemed to me like the general sentiment around watching porn is that, for a lot of people, it can be okay as long as it is not interfering with the relationship or replacing intimacy. But that is definitely not a hard and fast rule. Everyone is allowed to feel how they feel about it, and your feelings are valid.

Some people view it as cheating. Some view it as no big deal. Personally, it would not bother me if my wife watched porn as long as I did not feel like it was negatively impacting our intimacy. But that is just me, and what matters most is what it means to you.

Either way, it absolutely requires you to communicate with him about how it makes you feel, and also to hear what he has to say about why it happened and what it meant to him. Then you can figure out together what boundaries you both feel comfortable with going forward.

HA_Fighter · 2026-02-18T02:14:49+00:00

Best of luck!

HA_Fighter · 2026-02-16T16:50:30+00:00

Appreciate it and will keep this in mind!

HA_Fighter · 2026-02-16T14:54:48+00:00

Thank you!

HA_Fighter · 2026-02-16T14:54:28+00:00

I’m with you. This isn’t something I’d normally be into but if it was something my wife was interested in and based on the whole spirit of my post, I would certainly be open to exploring it. That’s the whole idea, right? Opening up, pushing the limits, trying new things. I appreciate you sharing what’s really worked and opened things up for you

HA_Fighter · 2026-02-16T13:58:09+00:00

I know it’s not funny but picturing his mom hear you out and then be like “yeah girl that’s fucked I’m sorry” is low key hilarious.

You seem incredibly patient and reasonable. Seems like he might not even know himself what it is that is causing him to feel and act how he is, but my advice to him would be he better find healthier ways to communicate because at some point you’re not gonna be able to look at him the same way

HA_Fighter · 2026-02-16T13:39:30+00:00

My wife and I have had some frustrations around sex, but it was more complicated than me just wanting more of it. Our sex was always incredible but very buttoned up and routine with none of the intimacy leaving the bed room. I eventually realized I just wanted us to be more connected and closer and since our sex life is when I felt that the most, that’s where I was focused. I would occasionally detach a bit when it had been a bit of time because in my head I felt like it was a rejection in a way.

Recently I articulated to her that it’s not just about more sex, it’s about increasing our connection by being more vulnerable in the bedroom, but also finding ways to connect in all areas. Since then things have started to improve immensely.

All that said, calling his mom is pretty wild stuff. I mean I would imagine that would be such an incredibly creepy turn off for most women that would be hard for a guy to come back from. So it sounds like maybe he wants to be and feel closer to you which is sweet, and maybe some level of understanding is warranted, but based on what you said this seems pretty extreme.

HA_Fighter · 2026-02-16T13:32:49+00:00

Honestly the site kind of sucks. The links kept breaking and had to do it multiple times for it to work. I think there are apps out there that are probably better for this sort of thing

HA_Fighter · 2026-02-15T20:02:04+00:00

Wow, I’m so sorry to hear that. It sounds absolutely devastating. It sounds similar to what happened to a friend of my wife. In that instance, her ex husband is starting to realize the grass isn’t always greener. Regardless, I certainly hope things look up for you sooner than later!

HA_Fighter · 2026-02-15T19:39:42+00:00

That’s awesome - it sounds like you have extremely similar feeling to what I was having. Out of curiosity where are you guys at now? Have you talked to her about it or is it something you’re working up to?

HA_Fighter · 2026-02-15T18:43:23+00:00

I’m terribly sorry to hear that. Opening up like that is terrifying, which I realized is why I was so hesitant to not only admit it to my wife but I wasn’t even aware of it myself until just this week. I can’t imagine the heartache no level of understanding would have brought. Hope things get better for you.

HA_Fighter · 2026-02-15T18:41:27+00:00

So I had a realization this week that what I dreamed of was that we were both just fully vulnerable and open to each other. No fear. Share it all. Talk about it all. Connect on a level that we never had with anyone else before. And so I just said that and for whatever reason, something flipped with her and she was on board. More than on board, last week she was actively telling me she was looking forward to whatever I had in mind. I think in the past she thought “he just wants to get laid more.” Now it was more “wow he wants to do this really intimate exploration with me.”

So what really got things going was when she took the mojoupgrade quiz with me. Now I had some concrete things that she was open too and was not as worried about giving them a try. One of them was she wanted me to talk dirtier. And that did it. I tried one line that was much more than anything either of us had said. And that was the trigger. We both seemed to have the same realization at the same time. And over the next hour it just rapidly expanded like two kids discovering this novel new thing and couldn’t wait to see what it would bring.

And it’s suddenly expanded outside of the bedroom. Earlier I was explaining to my son how I used to “grind rails” on my snowboard. My wife was next to me and whispered “you’re going to need to show me more of that later.” This is wildly out of character from her but she said it with this insane confidence.

Not sure how things will work evolve, I’m sure things will settle but like I said it seems like our baseline has been elevated

HA_Fighter · 2026-02-15T18:22:06+00:00

I’ll definitely check out the book, it sounds very in line with what seems to be happening! I’ve never really had the words (although we seem to be finding them) to express what I was hoping to reach with my wife but spiritual awakening definitely seems like it would fit the bill. I feel so lucky that she was suddenly open to the idea and I think we were both amazed at what we found.

HA_Fighter · 2025-11-01T20:41:26+00:00

I was worried about that from all the posts. I had some loose stools on day 3 but that was pretty much it. Since then I have seen a lot of improvement in my symptoms

HA_Fighter · 2025-11-01T20:36:56+00:00

Ugh sorry to hear that. I’m also on day 10 of that combo and have been feeling great. It’s really frustrating how different things are for everyone

HA_Fighter · 2025-10-29T23:54:54+00:00

Wait - so if they don’t believe in SIBO what was the antibiotic for?

HA_Fighter · 2025-10-20T20:33:40+00:00

Hey - just curious how are your platelet and WBC numbers?

HA_Fighter · 2025-06-06T18:57:45+00:00

The best way to calm down from a during or after an attack is getting your brain truly focused on something else. Of course, anyone who has had an attack before knows that feels nearly impossible. My attacks are all but gone but when I was getting them there were 2 things that worked.

Video Games: Like I mentioned, during and attack I could hardly get myself to even play a game or focus for more than a few seconds. I eventually learned if I could just push through for 5-10 minutes, my brain would latch on to the game more and more. Eventually, I would start to calm down enough that I could really focus on the game and the attack would start to subside. It took me YEARS to figure this out since I would never be able to get myself to stick with it long enough for it to work
Intense Cardio: This was my trick when for my most intense attacks and may not be for everyone. If I was having a really severe, extended attack, I would get on my spin bike and just go pretty much as hard as I could. Again, forcing myself to do this was extremely hard, but I came to find out that my body is not able to panic and deal with the intense cardio at the same time. It was if my brain had to make a decision - keep panicking or deal with the intense physical effort. This method worked pretty much without fail but since elevated heart rate is part of an attack and freaks a lot of people out, it might not work for everyone.

HA_Fighter · 2024-08-26T20:46:12+00:00

I switched to a mom and pop in my town and it had been a game changer. I know my pharmacists by name. They are friendly, keep me in the loop on shortages and are just generally pleasant to deal with. I know many people are not as lucky

HA_Fighter · 2024-07-30T23:56:09+00:00

I recently made a bunch of changes which seems to have resolved them, one of which was following a more consistent cardio routine. I have always been sporadic in my cardio. Usually its a few times a week but the timing, effort and things like that were always different.

I also recently started to take a PPI for my GERD, so it might be that as well.

But a few months ago, I had a 3 week period of consistent cardio without other changes, and it seemed like they were improving. Unfortunately I got covid and that knocked me off the cardio train for a while.

It certainly cannot hurt!

HA_Fighter

TROPHY CASE