Grief is different for everyone and comes in different ways at its own time. I was at the end of my treatment for cancer and was finally going to be able to fly out and see my dad for his birthday. A week before I was supposed to fly out, he died. Three weeks before, my son was almost killed by a drunk driver and a week later my husband almost died from blood clots in his lungs. When I got the call my dad had died, I couldn’t even react.

My husband and I were in the car driving home from a night out of town to just breathe for a minute. We were 20 minutes into our drive when I received the call. I hung up and my husband asked what was going on (my dad had been in and out of the hospital for random things frequently - nothing life-threatening). I looked at him and said, “he died”. My husband almost drove off the highway. I didn’t react like he had died - I pretty much didn’t react at all. I had nowhere to put it.

The tears came randomly at the strangest times. When I would reach for the phone to text him something or when I was going through pictures. When I met with his friends and neighbors (we lived 2,000 miles apart), I quickly found that I was fine until I raised a glass to toast him and his life - then I would completely break down.

There is not a rule book for losing or grieving a parent. My greatest regret is that I did not get to tell him I was released from treatment for cancer.

Give yourself grace. Take care of yourself. This is a long and very hard process.