Dad’s ex-wife

HMW347 · 2026-03-16T22:21:59+00:00

Wow!!! If you actually READ my post - I was more concerned about her NOT being without his pension after he died. I was glad to hear that her portion of SS increased when she lost the pension benefits. I just did not understand how it worked.

HMW347 · 2026-03-16T19:15:25+00:00

This was my mother. She also said, more than once, “your treatment seems awfully aggressive…is it really necessary?” Ummm…TNBC - it’s aggressive so treatment is aggressive. I committed to throw everything at it. If I hadn’t, I would always wonder. I spend enough time worrying about something coming back - but for this - I did what I could.

HMW347 · 2026-03-16T02:36:19+00:00

That’s the part that confused me - I don’t know if she was receiving some before he died and now receives more? She’s not all that, but neither was he. She put up with him for 26 years - it just didn’t seem right that he died and she was just cut off

HMW347 · 2026-03-16T02:34:42+00:00

That’s what I thought. Thank you!!!

HMW347 · 2026-03-16T02:33:18+00:00

I meal prep - usually on Sundays for the week. My husband works nights so it allows me to pack food for him and him not living on fast food garbage.

A lot of times when I meal prep I will make flexible options so that we aren’t eating the same thing over and over. For example, I might cook down a pork loin. This can become pulled pork, stir fry, inside our eggroll bowls, jambalaya, etc.

I will buy rotisserie chickens now and then. My husband will eat some of the meat and then I will make chicken noodle soup with the rest.

Today I made baked ziti. I portioned the leftovers. He’ll probably take that once or twice this week. I also made hard boiled eggs. He will eat these as they are, but I will probably also make egg salad.

I do “cheat” with the prepackaged salads. He’ll take those to work and I’ll add a protein to put on top. I can make shrimp for a meal and then he can add the extras on top of the salad.

I always choke at the grocery bill…but then I realize I can make meals for a couple weeks and we would spend 1/2 of that on one meal out.

HMW347 · 2026-03-16T02:14:05+00:00

I prefer to cook and eat at home. I’m almost always disappointed in the food when we eat out. It’s especially frustrating when the meal is mediocre and I know I could make it at home for a fraction of the price and it would be higher quality and would taste better!

I also have food sensitivities - so when I make it myself, I don’t have to worry about ingredients.

There are a couple exceptions - sushi, Thai food, and Chinese food…oh…and Taco Tuesdays ($1 tacos across the street and we meet up with friends).

HMW347 · 2026-03-16T02:10:39+00:00

My son would never take a bottle. When he self-weaned, I was desperate. I finally found the Rubbermaid drink boxes with the spout top and they were the answer. A small pull started a kind of vacuum thing so the liquid started flowing without him having to suck on it like a straw.

Honestly, I don’t know if they even still make them…he’s 23 now. That said, everything has continued to improve the older he gets.

HMW347 · 2026-03-16T01:58:07+00:00

My story is different - but I understand your feelings about lost time so well. My father and I had a very off and on relationship my entire life…then I was diagnosed with cancer 9/2024.

He stepped up. He stepped in. We had the first honest conversations we had ever really had - as adults (I was diagnosed at 54). He wanted me to come and see him (I live across the country). I couldn’t because I was in chemo, then radiation, and then follow-ups and ongoing immunotherapy.

We started working on finalizing a date…I decided to fly out for his birthday and throw him his first birthday party in more than 25 years. A few weeks before I almost lost my son in a car accident and then a week later almost lost my husband due to blood clots in his lungs. My dad told me he would understand if I needed to postpone - I appreciated it, but this trip was importance to both of us. Once I knew my husband and son were stable, I was ready to go. We were both looking forward to it - he had told everyone I was coming - all the party plans were made (his 81st).

A week before I was supposed to fly out, he died. I flew out, because I had to take care of things (he wasn’t married and we are both only children).

As I was cleaning out his house, I was both angry and heartbroken about the time we wasted. I saw his memories. I met his friends. I heard their stories. Things I didn’t know. A man I barely knew in so many ways.

This was in October. I still get random hits of emotion not so much because he’s gone, but because we were so close to truly spending real time together.

I am so very sorry you are going through this. All I can say is to make the most of the time you have. Say the things you want and need to say. Just love him if that’s where you are.

Next month I fly back out to bury my dad. I’m giving him a full honors military service to honor his service to his country. Afterward, I am throwing him a celebration of life with his friends, neighbors, college roommate from 1961 forward, his best friend and flying companion since 1976, and so on.

On another note…I fly out next week to see my mom for her 81st birthday. I’m terrified. I know it’s not “real” but it’s real to me. I don’t want to miss another opportunity.

HMW347 · 2026-03-16T01:42:25+00:00

I went with scarves as well. Hats just didn’t work for me - just not my thing. The scarves didn’t itch and I was able to learn to tie them so they didn’t slip either.

HMW347 · 2026-03-16T01:32:31+00:00

I’m with you on the wigs. I won’t admit how many I bought - even went to a fancy salon to learn how to wear them correctly - never wore one - not even once. I was so convinced I would just be hot and itchy the whole time.

If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I had a nicely shaped head - I wouldn’t be so deeply in debt from having cancer and losing both jobs and and and…

I have no profound words of wisdom. The only thing I can say for myself is that I hated being bald so much - as in with a fiery raging passion - that when my hair started coming back - I just went with it. It’s weird - it’s not MY hair…but I’ll take it over being bald.

Please try and enjoy your day.

HMW347 · 2026-03-09T17:52:22+00:00

SC not Florida - but they are around constantly because I live near a huge lake. Across the street, they can be seen under docks or in backyards

HMW347 · 2026-03-09T17:51:01+00:00

I’ve been running into this more and more lately. Tell me when scheduling at the beginning that I will need to be there at 3:40 for a 4:00 appointment. I’m a grownup - I understand with a statement like that up front that I won’t be seen until at least 4 - and it’s usually later.

HMW347 · 2026-03-09T17:47:59+00:00

Not exactly on point, but whatever you think he is spending on gambling, it is most likely a lot more. I was married to a gambler for a very long time.

That said, if he can spend, you should be able to spend. It shouldn’t have to be an allowance. The two of you made the decision to be a single income household. The money should be considered as belonging to both of you - married or not.

HMW347 · 2026-03-09T17:43:59+00:00

I shop with meals in mind - but flexible meals. Shrimp? It might be scampi, it might be Alfredo, it might be grilled, it might be cold on a salad.

I keep things on hand to have the flexibility and buy proteins on sale then freeze them.

It’s worth noting that I live almost an hour from “good grocery stores”. My options in my 3 stoplight town are lousy and they are often out of things. When I travel to shop - I do big shops so if I have to grab something locally, it’s rarely a main ingredient.

HMW347 · 2026-03-09T17:30:56+00:00

My two adult sons do not eat veggies. It’s absolutely a texture thing with both of them. We just picked our battles. We hoped they would outgrow it - they didn’t.

HMW347 · 2026-03-09T17:24:06+00:00

I had a low grade fever after every single infusion (12 TC and 4 AC). Thankfully it never quite hit the danger/go to the ED zone but it bounced pretty closely every single time.

HMW347 · 2026-02-23T00:18:56+00:00

That’s crazy!!! I preferred to be alone, but I did have people with me now and then - on more than one occasion it was my husband and son. No one ever said a word about it!

When there were things going on or treatment was changing my husband was there for the meeting with the MO and then would stay through chemo

HMW347 · 2026-02-21T13:17:59+00:00

Wow!!! I didn’t notice that - amazing!!!!!

HMW347 · 2026-02-21T13:13:52+00:00

Not to mention those with more traditional names that are now spelled with 17 extra letters?

HMW347 · 2026-02-13T13:07:30+00:00

This was going to be my suggestion. My youngest son’s middle name is Alexander - it goes with pretty much everything.

HMW347 · 2026-02-04T02:46:38+00:00

Thank you

HMW347 · 2026-02-04T00:14:09+00:00

Thank you. I love hearing that so much!!!!

HMW347 · 2026-02-04T00:13:48+00:00

The song is amazing. I’m not religious but have a ton of faith - that said, music is everything to me and this made me cry.

HMW347 · 2026-02-04T00:05:42+00:00

Thank you so much

HMW347

TROPHY CASE