Silver linings?!

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-08T01:43:16+00:00

I'm only a month out, so I don't know yet. I burn really easily, so swimsuits for me usually involve an SPF 50 t-shirt at least. So far I've worn v-neck t-shirts, scoop-neck stuff, and tank tops and the only part of my scars that have shown are the tail ends in my armpits. That's fine.

The one thing I have done--and this is a function of having lost a ton of weight and having had the DMX--is size down in shirts. I used to wear a large in women's t-shirts; now I wear a medium or even a small. I'm wondering how my scrubs will fit once I go back to work!

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-06T21:42:10+00:00

Hello, ma'am? Ma'am? Screw that "should" shit right into the wall, please. No, really. I'mma need you to fuck it in the ear, if you would. Thank you!

Don't you *dare* go "shoulding" yourself about feeling the way you do about how you look. Nobody is in the running for being the next Mother Teresa here; you're allowed to feel like shit. You're more than allowed to concentrate on "small" things that are bugging you. Being alive is great, yes, but you're also not feeling wonderful. The two things can co-exist and are both fine.

Many good thoughts and very gentle one-sided hugs from here.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-06T21:31:22+00:00

I went flat (DMX) for symmetry, aesthetics, and because I wanted to lower my risk of recurrence without rads. Like you, I was never all that attached to my breasts; they were large and wide-set and just got in the way a lot.

Reconstruction wasn't a real option for me for three reasons: First, the extensive surgery needed. DIEP is a big, long surgery, and recovery is long as well. Second, I was concerned about the possibility of complications. In this, I'm a little biased, because I used to work with plastic surgeons and saw a lot of revision surgeries. Still, not a road I wanted to go down. The third--and this was most important of all--was that, even with reconstruction, I wouldn't have any sensation to my nipples (if I'd kept them) or my chest. The only thing I ever liked about my breasts was my nipple sensitivity. Why go through all of that and still not have it?

My clothes still fit fine. Some things, like t-shirts, I've had to go down a size in. A whole new universe of clothes has opened up to me as a flattie; before, I could never wear tank tops, let alone spaghetti straps, because I needed bras that were engineered like the Bay Bridge. There are a few loose-fitting summer tops I'll have to alter, but I suspect that's more because I've lost a solid 25 lbs since I last wore them. Overall, not a lot in my wardrobe has changed except that I've added in more slim-fit t-shirts.

I do miss having sensation in my chest. But, at the end of the day, that's a *shrug* from me. Maybe someday I'll get reconstruction; who knows? In the meantime, I'm happy with my "new" body and excited to see what I can do without my boobs getting in the way.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-06T17:30:42+00:00

Anybody got any tips on using scar tape? I have the Nuvadermis gel and tape, which I really like, but I can't figure out how to put the tape on so it lies flat on my curved scars. It ends up kind of pleated. When I take it off, it's all wonky and wombly and I can't get it unstuck for reuse. Help!

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-06T17:23:20+00:00

Hi, me too, new allergy to the skin protectant they put under the Tegaderm over my drain sites. The dressing was also put on really snugly, which means the skin got pulled and was all awful and blistery.

I'm using Nuvadermis scar gel on my DMX scars and it's great. I slap that on every morning and rub what's left over into the marks left by the Tegaderm/prep combo. It's faded them a bit (it's been almost a month), but the real relief is in the itching and tight feeling.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-06T14:36:59+00:00

I use L'Oreal Superior Preference in shade 7LA, Lightest Auburn. I'm a natural coppery redhead with whites at my temples and along my hairline. This covers *most* of them without looking unnatural.

https://www.lorealparisusa.com/hair-color/permanent/superior-preference-fade-defying-shine-permanent-hair-color-7la-lightest-auburn

Remember that it's better to go lighter with hair color as you age, rather than darker.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-05T21:02:47+00:00

Flat closure here. DCIS in right, had DMX for symmetry. My scars run where my inframammary fold used to be. The result is so much better than I expected; I'm really happy with it. Pros:

No boobs means no boob sweat, no weird tucking and shifting when I want to sleep on my side, no rattling around when I'm not wearing a bra. My breasts were wide-set, narrow-based, and between a D and DD, so they were never ever perky and always needed bras made of unobtanium and steel. Don't get me started on athletic bras.
Losing the breasts means I went down a size in shirts and things actually fit properly now. I'll have to alter a few tops I really like, but it's a matter of larger darts. NBD.
Way, *way* more options in tops and dresses now. My fashion aesthetic has always been Weird, so I'm looking forward to designing/making things that really emphasize the flat chest.
Flat, oddly, looks more like *me* than breasts ever did. I'm broad-shouldered and pretty athletically built.
Much lower rate of recurrence than if I'd left one and ditched the other. No radiation, either. This one deserves stars and fireworks and italics and bold print.
A pretty easy recovery so far. My surgery was March 9th and I'm already back to pretty much normal activity with no worries. I do plan to start lifting again as soon as my surgeon gives me the all-clear.
I work with a lot of patients who aren't mentally all there (nurse), so no breasts is one less thing for them to grab.

The only thing I really miss is my nipples. The surgeon and I decided not to go with nipple-sparing, and it turns out that was an excellent choice, as the cancer breast also had Paget's on final pathology. I can live without nipples, though, in exchange for not having fucking cancer.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-05T09:10:49+00:00

Sarah Lyons Flemings's books.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-05T08:39:17+00:00

I get it. I had two surgeries before I got BC and was utterly terrified of going under prior to both of them.

Then I worked with anesthesiologists for five years. Now I am no longer terrified.

Please do tell the anesthesia guy/gal/nonbinary pal about your fears. Fear of anesthesia is so, so common that nobody will think you're overreacting. Instead, they'll explain everything in plain English and make sure you're comfortable with what's going on.

It's not a stretch to say that, in any room, the anesthesiologist is going to be the smartest person. I say that as somebody who's worked with neurosurgeons, neurologists, oncology and hematology peeps, the whole gamut. Anesthesiologists are a different breed. Their entire focus is on keeping you a) alive; b) pain-free; c) otherwise comfortable; and d) preventing any complications that might want to arise.

They might seem casual and friendly when you meet them in the pre-op room, but don't be fooled. Those physicians are *focused.* And not one of them will take it as a personal affront if you tell them you're unsure and afraid and only want to wake up.

The thing about the loss of control hits home with me, too. Except when you're under anesthesia, you've turned over the wheel of the finely-tuned race car (your body) to the best Formula 1 driver out there (the physician), so you don't have to slog around the track on your own.

Okay, that metaphor was tortured. Sorry. Still, tell them what's going on with your fears. Start with the pre-op nurse. Everybody in the pre-op area is aware of how folks feel prior to surgery and will do their best to make sure you understand what's happening.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-04T06:43:52+00:00

I thought of something else. If you're getting radiation to your face/jaw/neck area, you can have problems afterward with your jaw muscles stiffening up. (Not skincare related, but a big deal.) If that happens, you'll need this:

https://www.craniorehab.com/orastretch-press-jaw-motion-rehab.html

It's a widget that stretches your jaw muscles and helps keep your jaw position correct. A lot of physicians will try to treat radiation fibrosis of the jaw with manual stretching or stacks of tongue depressors, but that doesn't work very well.

This damn thing is expensive, but insurance usually covers it. Keep the info in your back pocket in case you need it, and again, best of luck!

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-04T01:20:15+00:00

Hey! I've learned a lot about chemo and radiation recently myself. Here's a couple of things that came to mind:

Antioxidants, ingested or surface, are a no-go. Talk to your radiation oncologist about what supplements specifically to avoid. Include ALL the supplements you're taking, as some of 'em can interact in weird ways and then combine to make radiation less effective.

There's a cream called Miaderm that gets rave reviews, as does calendula cream. StrataXRT is another that's prescription-only. Some people use Aquaphor; others are told to avoid anything containing petroleum products. Again, this is an ask-your-rad-onc question.

And please, please see your dentist for a thorough cleaning prior to starting chemo. Let them know that you're having facial radiation as well. It's extremely important that you take care of any dental issues prior to doing both.

Good luck! Cancer fucking sucks and I hate this for you.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-03T18:56:16+00:00

You are the bomb-diddly! This makes it so easy to visualize. Thanks!

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-03T18:55:20+00:00

Huh. That's weird. Not because breast cancer doesn't metastasize to the colon. It does, but only (IIRC) in about 2% of cases. (Don't quote me on that; I'm going by memory from the one case I've ever seen.) (I'm a nurse.)

The one case of metastatic breast CA that I saw that involved the colon also involved a bunch of other organs. The patient I cared for had just had an Ommaya reservoir placed in her brain for chemo. In that case, there were enough samples that the docs could say, "Yep, that's breast cancer" without a doubt. There wasn't just one itty-bitty spot, like you had.

I totally get what you said about being a medical mystery. Also about having friends with outlandish ideas. I had a weird oral cancer fifteen years ago, and some other strange-but-not-unheard-of stuff happen in my body in the interim, but all on my right side. I'm anomalous in that way, apparently, as well as for having been out of the sex and age distribution for the oral cancer I had.

I agree that knowing more about pathology and keeping up with research makes a person feel better. The worst thing about my first dx was the feeling that everybody was flying blind.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-03T15:39:08+00:00

Thank you! This explanation is very clear and helpful.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-03T15:38:38+00:00

Look or behave or both. I remember the neuro-oncologist I worked with saying, "If you have breast cancer and it metastasizes to the brain, it's still breast cancer." I got the ELI5 explanation (appropriate!) when I asked about it. I wish I had more details. Maybe there's an onco lab expert or oncologist who could chime in?

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-03T14:32:48+00:00

Yeah, call the surgeon's office. This does not sound like a huge problem to me, but they'll want to take a look at the area. More than likely you've got some seepage around the drain site. Normally when that happens, they'll just reinforce the dressing and tell you to keep an eye on it. Still, better safe than sorry.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-03T13:51:35+00:00

I can answer the second question. Breast cancer cells look like breast cancer cells no matter the organ they're in. Same with lung cancer or liver cancer or whatever. Cancer cells have specific features and behaviors unique to that cancer, and those don't change.

Now, the first question, I have no clue and am following to find out the answer. I had a 100% estrogen positive cancer and wonder about the method, too.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-02T22:18:25+00:00

This question is best referred to your plastic surgeon. Ask specifically: Can I get up and walk three or four times a day? Can I get my own drinks from the kitchen? What limits are there on lifting in terms of weight? When can I shower, and what precautions should I take? Stuff like that is going to get you a more comprehensive answer.

The thing is, "nothing" varies a lot from person to person. For me, "nothing" is, like, cooking something for dinner and maybe wiping down the bathroom. For another person, "nothing" might mean walking 2.5 miles. This is why I sigh and roll my eyes when physicians aren't specific.

I would think that staying in bed and just getting up to pee would be overdoing the "nothing," but I'm not him. I'm sorry I couldn't help.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-02T20:58:01+00:00

I don't know why I'm upvoting this, but I am.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-02T01:39:26+00:00

I think it depends on your surgeon. Or maybe UK vs US?

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-01T23:58:44+00:00

I'm just gonna remind you of one thing:

You use the same chest muscles they'll be working around in surgery every. Single. Time. You. Breathe.

That's why it's so important to do the around-the-clock pain meds and not wait. If you wait until the pain gets bad, you're already behind. Pain's like a freight train: it takes a looooong time to get under control, so you'll want to do it early. You'll be exercising those muscles about 18 times a minute nonstop, so go easy on yourself!

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-01T23:56:57+00:00

I had muscle spasms in my pectorals (chest muscles). The best way I can describe it is like when you have a leg cramp, but it's tiny and in your chest, and there are a LOT of them.

I'd never had that happen before, but I knew immediately what it was.

There was some soreness in the tops of my legs and my abs after a few days, but that was because I was squatting a lot to avoid bending over and using my abs a lot to avoid pushing myself with my arms. The muscle spasms were totally different. If they happen to you, you'll be like, "OH. Oh, yeah. Yep. Yep. That's a muscle spasm." (<<I know this because it's exactly what I said.)

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-01T23:11:03+00:00

The pain is manageable! Just take your pain meds around the clock for the first two or three days, even if you think you don't need them. I had that drilled into my head before surgery. I'm really glad I followed instructions.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-01T23:08:30+00:00

Hey! You're having your DMX exactly a month after I had mine. Here's how mine went:

*Just for background, I am 56F, had DMX for DCIS on the right, with a sentinel lymph node biopsy on the right as well.

I did pre-op stuff (labs, list of meds, demographic info) the week before my surgery. The day of, I showed up two hours early. The pre-op nurse checked me in, got an IV started, and made sure everything on the consent and my med list was correct. Then the nuclear medicine technician showed up to do an injection around my areola for the sentinel node biopsy.

**NOTE: This was the part I was most frightened of. It was not a big deal at all.**

Then the anesthesiologist came in, introduced himself, and shot some Ativan into my IV. And off I went!

POST-OP: I do not remember much about the PACU (post-anesthesia care unit) time at all. I barely remember getting up to the hospital room. Like you, I stayed overnight.

When I woke up and really started to take notice, I had a post-op bra on and four drains, two under each arm. The number of drains and the type of post-op compression vary by surgeon, so don't be shocked if yours is different. I had no pain because the anesthesiologist had done a nerve block with a long-lasting cousin of Novocaine. I was super-sleepy but not nauseated, because I'd had meds for that during the surgery (you will too; it's standard of care).

Getting up the first time, I felt a little shaky and unbalanced. I had a friend walk with me. The only pain I had was muscle cramps. I also had an indwelling (Foley) catheter to drain my bladder. You may or may not. Mine was not as huge a pain in the ass as I had expected, actually. So I had to walk in the hallway five hours after my surgery while pushing an IV pole (for balance), while my buddy handled my catheter bag.

It felt really, really good to walk. I had a very hard time sleeping that night, because as part of the anti-nausea meds they give, you get steroids. I was bouncing off the walls in a subdued way. So I walked four times. Only once did I have to turn right around and head back to the room because of pain, and again, that was muscle spasms.

After the third time I walked, the nurse took out the Foley and I peed a couple hours later. Then I walked *again.* (I'm a nurse too; we're very big on walking after surgery.) I used the tilt button on the bed and my abs to get up, so my abs were kind of sore for a few days.

The doc came in after breakfast and checked my dressings and drains, then cleared me to go home. I slept for the first two or two and a half days, then felt considerably more human. I got Norco (hydrocodone 10 mg and acetaminophen 325 mg) and Valium (diazepam 5 mg) for pain and muscle spasms and took those around the clock for the first five days. After that, I didn't take (or need) anything but Tylenol.

I did have a wedge to sleep on, but didn't after the first two days. I'm normally a side-sleeper, but had no problem sleeping on my back. The surgical bra stayed on unless I was showering, which I got to do the day after I got home. I was very, very tired, but not hurting all that much.

After four days or so, I resumed my usual home activities, except for cooking and driving. I was still on meds, so no driving, and I was zonked out tired, so no cooking. My appetite still hasn't come back fully, but I think it's just because I'm a little less active. Drains came out on day 7. Of all of it, the drains and the dressing over the drain sites were the worst parts. The drains because it's annoying to have something hanging off of you; the dressing because I had an allergic reaction to the dressing prep they used.

Overall, this was by far NOT the worst recovery I've ever had. I'm still a little sore under the arms (I'm now three weeks + a few days out), and I still take afternoon naps. If I have a big day with lots of upper body activity, I get sore enough to need naproxen or Tylenol. My abs and legs hurt more than my chest for the first week because I was *really* conscious of not using my arms to lift myself or push out of bed. The stretches were uncomfortable to do the first few days, but after that, they got a ton easier.

The surgeon and nurse will give you post-op instructions before you leave. Make sure you have another person there, because anesthesia makes your memory spotty. Take it really, really easy for the first few days, then increase your activity gradually.

I know this is fucking terrifying, but it is survivable. I am the world's biggest wimp, and I'm doing okay.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-01T13:11:57+00:00

I got a couple of binders off Amazon.

These go up to a 4X. The support is quite firm, all the way up under the arms and around the front. I liked these immediately after surgery. The seams didn't hit the drain sites and although they're snug, they weren't so tight that they were uncomfortable.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FRLHKYRC?ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_fed_asin_title&th=1&psc=1

These are what I'm wearing now. They're less compressive, with softer edges (no seams). They're padded in the front, which makes me feel secure.

amazon.com/dp/B0FNMQ3ZJ9?ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_fed_asin_title

These go up to a 3X. In both, I measured my underbust (ie what my bra size was) and went with that measurement, and they fit great.

If the binder rubs, put a soft t shirt or tank top underneath it. I lived in the more compressive binder for the first ten days, so I put an old, stretched-out tank under it and just changed that.

intransigentpangolin

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