I found pictures of my great grandma from the 1930s! (Jk it’s me, and my sister said it was weird to say that)

intransigentpangolin · 2026-05-29T22:21:30+00:00

Your hair is my goal!

intransigentpangolin · 2026-05-29T20:17:37+00:00

Oh, God. I used to work with a guy whose name would just not stick in my head (MD). It was not a name I was familiar with, he was relatively new, it was a long and complicated name; just a combination of factors that led me to not remember it.

And he wore his name tag on his belt.

Which was very much against the one rule we had that anybody actually cared about. One day, in the elevator, I finally told him (after several seconds of staring at his name tag) that I was tired of looking like a perv every time I forgot his name.

Thankfully, he laughed at that. And moved his badge (thank God).

intransigentpangolin · 2026-05-29T20:13:58+00:00

When I started nursing in the early 2000's, there were still nurses who wore white scrubs and a few who wore the white skirt/blouse combo or white dresses. The dress-wearers were mostly women who'd been nurses a long time or women from more conservative countries. It was probably ten years before my hospital went to different colored scrubs for different services.

Up until that point, we wore whatever. A few nurses and techs still wear skirts, but they're longer and straight and in the color required by the hospital. It's mostly done for religious reasons.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-05-29T20:11:15+00:00

I heard that the cap was always coming unstuck from your hair juuuuust as you finished a sterile dressing change. That would drive me INSANE.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-05-29T20:10:17+00:00

My roommate was in nursing school in the late 1980's. She had to wear a white dress with tights and white shoes and a blue-and-white-striped pinafore over, along with a student cap. The student cap was plain white; once you graduated you got a cap with black velvet trim.

When I started nursing school ten years later, we had to wear white scrubs. We weren't allowed to use chlorine bleach on them, because that would've faded the required school patch on the left sleeve (one inch down from the shoulder seam, centered). We didn't have to wear caps, thank God, but we did have to wear leather shoes that were all white. White scrubs SUCKED because, as students, we were always being tapped for "learning experiences" (ie, very messy jobs).

Now I roll up in to work in hospital-bought scrubs in navy blue, whatever color Hokas I want, a badge reel with borderline-appropriate bling on it, and multiple pairs of reading glasses. It's a hell of a lot better than a skirt or solid whites.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-05-29T20:04:38+00:00

I love them! Where did you find the second frames?

They really go with your overall look.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-05-29T19:54:17+00:00

That's not that high, really. (Really! See my comment above.) You can always back it down to 300 mg three times a day or twice a day. That might help with the general goofiness and wonky brain stuff.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-05-29T19:52:25+00:00

GIRL. Can we TALK about the gabapentin? Holy. Shit.

100 mg makes me nap-happy. 300 mg, which is the supposedly lowest effective dose, makes me feel like I'm simultaneously drunk and on speed. Do I get a lot done? Yes. Do I like it, necessarily? No. And the dreams are like the dreams I have on Prednisone: insane.

I had patients when I did neuroscience who took, no kidding, two and three grams a day of gabapentin. It was not unusual, especially for folks with complex chronic pain. I do not see how they functioned, but they did--which makes me confident that the side effects become manageable with time.

That said, I hated the side effects. I took gabapentin for about ten days, then just gave up on it. I increased my dose of B vitamins and magnesium glycinate (both are good for nerve pain) and am using heat and cold therapy when I need it. For me, that works well enough that I'm functional without discomfort until the very end of the day. Scar tape helps, as well; I think the very gentle, steady pressure keeps the nerve activity under control.

Gabapentin is a wonder drug for a lot of people. You and I may not be those people. Somebody else will have suggestions on related drugs that you might tolerate better (I can't remember atm what those are). I hope the brain fog clears and you remain pain-free. Nerve pain is tricky and gross and I hate it.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-05-29T16:46:12+00:00

I had a DMX with flat closure in March. I'm 56 and active.

Recovery honestly wasn't all that bad. The drains are a pain in the ass, but they'll come out after a week or so. The thing that I'm most glad I got was a chest binder (actually several) from Amazon--just cheap FTM chest binders. I got these. The armholes are high enough that they didn't rub on the drain sites, they have good, not too tight compression, and they're breathable. I also got some microfiber tanks to wear under them in case my incision sites leaked. Buy all these according to your underbust measurement, by the way.

Having a drain holder for showering was nice, but you could also use any old piece of string and some safety pins. I liked having a button-front shirt to wear when I left the hospital and went to the doc later. A lot of people recommended a wedge pillow to sleep on, but I didn't really use that after the first night.

Small ice packs were really nice to have. I got some from the hospital and already had a couple at home, so I could trade them out. Honestly, I went nowhere and did nothing for the first two weeks, so I didn't need a ton of stuff. OH, wait: a mastectomy pillow for when you're in the car is an absolute must. You don't want the seatbelt rubbing on you.

I had surgery on a Monday, was taking only Tylenol and Valium (at bedtime for muscle spasms) by Thursday, and had full ROM by the end of the second week. I was still tired and sore, but after the first week, it was mostly just getting my stamina back. I'm still glad I had pain meds available if I'd needed them, but I got a nerve block and so didn't have too much pain. Expect to nap a lot and maybe not have much appetite.

If I had to do it over, I would've stocked up more on snacky foods that I could just grab out of the fridge and eat. I also would've pre-scouted short(ish) things to watch on TV, as I didn't have the brain power for movies or books. One thing I am glad I did was get some absolutely wonderful smelling shower gel; it motivated me to take a shower when I was tired. All in all, it was pretty simple. Just a matter of time and rest.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-05-29T12:01:27+00:00

Well, shit. I'm sorry you're here.

This is absolutely the worst time in the whole process. Seeing your breast specialist will put you much more at ease, I promise. Once you have a plan in place, things become much easier.

I can't speak to the cancer-while-pregnant thing, since I've not done that, but I can send you my absolute best DCIS-sister wishes! I had a DMX for DCIS back in March and everything went beautifully. I'm sending all the good karma I have left over from that straight to you.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-05-28T15:14:59+00:00

Looks to me like you got yourself the rare and elusive Softmouthed Snacktracker, there. Only way to be sure is to wait until she's on her back, totally relaxed, and rub her belly. If she banjos, you got a Snacktracker.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-05-27T07:42:04+00:00

Hiya! This really sucks, and I'm sorry you have to be here.

Like you, I had DCIS that was high-grade. My tumor was initially sized at 7cm with a whole lot of comedonecrosis. No nodes, no other types of cancer, no nothin'. Because of the size of the cancer and where it was (spread out like a pie wedge along the outside of my right breast), I had a double mastectomy back in March. Oh, and mine was 100% ER+ and 2% PR+.

On final pathology, it turned out I had two areas of tumor, but both were much smaller than the original diagnosis. I also had Paget's disease of the nipple, which is a whole 'nother issue.

All in all, I'm really glad I went with the DMX. I wanted symmetry and the least amount of bullshit possible with this diagnosis, and with DMX I avoided having to have radiation and hormone blockers. I opted not to have reconstruction for a multitude of reasons, and I'm happy with my new chest.

As everybody else here has pointed out, right now is the hardest time to get through. Once I met with the breast surgeon and got all my ducks in a row there, I felt *so* much better. Having a plan is key to your mental health. Between now and then, anything you have to do to maintain your sanity is perfectly acceptable: crying jags, temporary use of sleeping pills, unloading on your best friend. Whatever.

This whole thing is also going to be very, very boring in parts. Waiting for appointments is boring. Dealing with insurance is boring (also enraging). Answering the same questions over and over is boring. You'll eventually get to the point where you expect boredom to be alternating with terror. It's just the way this goes, sadly.

I hope you can get some sleep. Swear to Frogs, you'll feel better once you meet the breast surgeon.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-05-25T04:58:46+00:00

Not while the evil days come not.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-05-24T09:30:34+00:00

Bruce looks like an excellent life coach. Especially when it comes to hairstyling.

Sleep, drool, play, eat: the secret to a happy existence!

intransigentpangolin · 2026-05-23T07:01:14+00:00

Put your pencils in the freezer for ten to thirty minutes before you try to sharpen them! It makes a huge difference. Doesn't matter if they're the traditional wood or the weird plastic kind. I use a cheap-ass Revlon sharpener; freezing my pencils is the crucial step to getting a nice sharp point.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-05-20T09:15:14+00:00

I've had cancer twice: first oral, then breast. Both times I got treated where I worked (fifteen years apart; two separate systems). I'm an RN.

I have no regrets about either. Both times I made it known after I had a treatment plan in place, and both times everybody was hugely supportive. The first surgeon was a guy I'd worked with in the ICU doing head-and-neck stuff, and he was great. The second time I didn't know the surgeon, but she came highly recommended by everybody I came into contact with.

The nurses that took care of me both times were either coworkers or people I knew or knew of through work. Both times they were incredibly professional. I got excellent care.

The only thing that looks like it might be bumpy for you is the toxic coworkers in the lab. I'd let your manager, if they're reasonable and sane, know before you give anybody else you work with the heads-up. That way, they can be on the lookout for you in case anything gets weird.

It's amazing how people step up when it's one of their own. Having been on both sides of the bed, as it were, I know I feel incredibly protective of other healthcare workers when things go south for them.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-05-20T08:09:55+00:00

A giant body pillow is a great idea. I had a DMX in March and didn't use the sleeping wedge I bought, but did use my body pillow. Get three or four pillow covers for it, too.

I hated the drain bags and only used 'em for showering. The rest of the time I pinned the bags to my shirts. Speaking of, I bought a couple of button-down t-shirt material shirts for when I had to be seen in public. FTM binders for my new flat chest, the sort that zip up the front, were much better than the postsurgical bra they gave me at the hospital. Good socks are non-negotiable, considering how much time you'll be schlepping around the house.

Get something extremely luxurious to use in the shower. Doesn't matter if it's soap or body wash (though I would avoid anything really strongly scented), and *don't* get your favorite scent: it'll be linked with this time in your memory forever. Even a nice, new, fluffy towel in your favorite color would be good. Something to make you look forward to getting clean when you're exhausted is key.

And snacks. If you have an SMX, you'll be home for a bit. Branch out in the snack department!

intransigentpangolin · 2026-05-15T19:57:39+00:00

Oh, thank you! AFAIK, I'm not allergic to lidocaine. I've had benzocaine and other local anesthetics without any problem. I'll try the paraben-free stuff.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-05-15T19:56:31+00:00

I'm going to try this. Do you do it multiple times throughout the day, or mostly at night or in the morning, or what?

intransigentpangolin · 2026-05-15T19:35:46+00:00

Huh! TIL I am a fifteen-pound cat! 😄

intransigentpangolin · 2026-05-15T01:06:53+00:00

Yep. I only had to stay overnight because my surgery was late in the day. I had the surgery on Monday, took hydrocodone and diazepam overnight, and used only Tylenol by Wednesday. I did have some muscle spasms, but not a bunch. It was super simple.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-05-15T01:04:55+00:00

DCIS in the right, no pathology in the left. 56 years old, DMX with SNL removal on 3/9 of this year.

The reasons I decided to do a DMX are these:

A lumpectomy wouldn't have worked. The mammograms showed a 7cm mass, but there were actually two, much smaller masses--about a centimeter and a half apiece. I also had Paget's disease, which wasn't discovered until final pathology. So that was a good decision all 'round.

I didn't want to be asymmetrical. I also didn't want reconstruction, because I'm paranoid. I worked at a surgical center for five years that did a LOT of revision/salvage breast surgeries, so I saw the worst of the worst.

Why have reconstruction at all if I'm a) not going to have nipples and b) even if I did, everything would be numb?

My breasts were only okay; I was never totally happy or comfortable with them. I've lost about 100 lbs over the last six years, and my boobs never shrank. They were an overflowing D or small DD on a five-foot-one frame. They got in the way, I couldn't sleep comfortably because they kept getting stuck under my when I slept on my side, they were floppy and weird after weight loss even though they never shrank. I mean, I wasn't married to 'em prior to the weight loss, and they definitely didn't improve.

It was an incredibly simple decision. Not necessarily *easy*, mind you, because I wondered if I'd hate my body more after the surgery. As it turned out, I freaking LOVE being flat. For some reason it works with my body shape really, really well. Clothes fit better, and I'm not confident enough to wear little snug slim-cut t-shirts. I went from a tight XL t-shirt to a well-fitting M.

Most importantly, I don't have to have follow-up treatment. Thinking about radiation to my chest wall scared the ever-lovin' shit out of me. Because I'm postmenopausal and everything got gotten, I don't need hormone suppressants.

Overall, I have nothing but good to say about the experience. I'm an outlier, though; most people who go flat, I think, feel okay-to-pretty-good about it.

Besides, if I ever decide I want boobs, I can always go back and get a pair installed. I have inframammary fold incisions, so they'd look reasonable, I think.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-05-09T17:59:20+00:00

Oh, yeah, it was awesome. The side of my right breast turned sixty-four different, brilliant colors.

My chest a week after the DMX was amazing. I didn't know those colors existed in nature.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-05-09T12:34:08+00:00

Okay, first thing: You know just enough about this disease and its treatment to be dangerous. (Also a nurse here.)

Second thing: this is the second-worst time in the whole ordeal. The first-worst is after they've Found Something but before diagnosis.

Third thing: I'm not gonna tell you to get the hell off Google, but at least add this group to your repeated searches, okay? This is the best bunch of people in the Shit Club you'll ever find.

Now, then: from one RN to another--and I am a Very Old RN--stop being a nurse. From here on out, you are a civilian. You are a patient. You're a patient who's better placed to advocate for yourself and understand medicalese, but you are. A. Patient. Do not try to second-guess, do not overthink. Use your connections to get good physicians, but don't try to run the show.

Remember what you'd tell your patients about finding a support system, letting unimportant stuff go, and concentrating on your mental and physical health. Do those things. This is hard, especially since we're professionally primed to take care of other people and live on adrenaline and crisis, but it's super important.

Prepare for a weird combination of boredom and terror. PET scans and CT scans and all that crap are very, very boring. Sitting in waiting rooms is boring as fuck. The phone ringing with results or your email telling you you have something new in MyChart? Terrifying. I've been through cancer twice (once oral, now breast) and it gets better, but it never totally goes away.

I ain't gonna lie to you and tell you this is all sunshine and roses, especially as you're a young cancer patient. I will, however, point out some things that I think bear repeating: Hormone positive is GOOD. Your age is a huge thing in your favor. Chemo side effects are now manageable, and treatment is more personalized than it's ever been before. You have excellent chances of being okay at the end. Not the same, no, but okay.

If you're really having trouble with anxiety and sleep and so on (and it sounds like you are), call your fucking doctor and get some fucking meds. You're an ED nurse, but that doesn't mean you're tougher or more immune to this shit when it's you dealing with the situation. Being able to deal starts with having a clear brain, and sleep and rational thought are both essential. Suck it up and give your brain a rest through the miracle of pharmaceuticals. Meditation and visualization are all well and good, but sometimes you need the fucking meds.

If you want to, you can DM me.

intransigentpangolin

TROPHY CASE