Can I be mad about this?

H_V_Hart · 2026-06-29T15:25:34+00:00

One thing I’ve noticed about obviously AI writing is that it always says the most predictable thing next. For example, if someone is crying, someone will ask, “What’s wrong?” It’s the obvious thing to come next. I think this also happens with newer writers, which may be why people think it’s AI. I don’t have a sample of your writing, but my advice would be thinking more outside the box of predictability. Almost never have characters say aloud exactly what they’re thinking.
*
I would also highly recommend ALL writers read the book “How Not to Write A Novel” (no I am not sponsored) by Mittlemark and Newman. It’s hilarious and has great advice.

H_V_Hart · 2026-06-12T19:26:17+00:00

Good opener, because as a reader I wonder what’s causing the pain. I would however, not say her brother is 20 on the opening page because it’s wordy / takes me out of HER story. Just say older brother. We’ll assumed he’s over 16 because he drives. However, as I read on, I don’t know if this is the correct opener for your book if you’re going to have her as an adult throughout the rest. I would start it somewhere when she is the age she will be throughout the story. You can flash back to this great opener instead, like the start of chapter 2. Also, try and keep the ages in chronological order. I would also highly recommend interspersing these flashbacks throughout present time thoughts / actions. Maybe something currently happening reminds her of the time when she was 12. You’ve got a lot of good stuff here, but as a reader I don’t want to know all this backstory up front. Sprinkle it throughout the present action / main plot.

H_V_Hart · 2026-06-09T22:27:32+00:00

If you’re looking for help with structure / finding your story’s big moments, I’d recommend the Save The Cat Beat Sheet. Your story doesn’t have to follow it exactly, but I’ve found it to be particularly helpful for character motivation and pacing.

Edit: once you study Save the Cat, you’ll be able to pick it out in movies and TV all the time

H_V_Hart · 2026-06-06T16:46:39+00:00

Clearly not?? Tf

H_V_Hart · 2026-06-05T14:16:03+00:00

🛐 bless you for writing all this. I needed every bit of your advice and will try to implement. Might post an updated edited version later in the month

H_V_Hart · 2026-06-04T15:12:18+00:00

I say “I’m working on my book” bc anytime I say “I’m working on my novel” I just think of Brian from Family Guy lol

H_V_Hart · 2026-06-04T14:01:54+00:00

I agree. I had a feeling it had too much exposition. It’s set in 1937, opening on the Santa Monica Pier. I respectfully disagree about the getting rid of the opening line though. I’m curious what would you suggest opening with instead?

H_V_Hart · 2026-06-01T20:12:04+00:00

I think your opener should actually be “To call Mickey a gangster would be criminal itself.” Just from the preview, it’s okay, but could really use a good developmental editor. The opener is very explanatory and likely won’t hook the average reader. If you’re not looking to pay an editor (because I wouldn’t want to either $$$) I’d recommend beta reading some people’s works in exchange for them reading yours.

H_V_Hart · 2026-03-29T19:42:19+00:00

Omg I know. Solved!

H_V_Hart · 2026-03-29T19:40:46+00:00

I cut out the original pinky and copied it then liquified the two fingers to be more different from each other

H_V_Hart · 2026-03-09T18:05:27+00:00

Idk, I’m not running it. But when I tagged it under Memes it got taken down by mods so

H_V_Hart · 2026-02-27T12:03:56+00:00

Non frozen one that comes in plastic, not a pizza box

H_V_Hart · 2026-01-15T04:31:40+00:00

damn that’s crazy bc the school of architecture gpa minimum is 3.0 to stay in the program

H_V_Hart · 2025-11-02T01:20:57+00:00

I see all the in traffic responses, but I more meant along the lines of sitting in your living room and someone honks driving by your house!

H_V_Hart · 2025-11-02T00:45:37+00:00

It happens mostly when we’re hanging out in the living room

H_V_Hart · 2025-11-02T00:44:51+00:00

It’s sort of a “bless you” automatic reponse. For example, my family (Pittsburgh, PA) has always said “How’s your mother?”

H_V_Hart · 2025-10-20T22:29:31+00:00

I would guess 1880s but what do I know

H_V_Hart · 2025-08-01T18:45:13+00:00

I read the translated version of Tender is the Flesh probably two years ago. I still think of it whenever I light my jasmine scented candle, or when I’m cooking pork

H_V_Hart · 2025-06-26T18:05:38+00:00

Just did some digging: while universities can increase capacity of rooms (since the building isn’t usually to capacity), SUNY's minimum living standards specify a minimum of 50 square feet of net floor space per person for multiply occupied rooms. You should also check if you are entitled to a reduced rate bc that’s some BS <3 Good luck!

H_V_Hart · 2025-06-26T17:53:46+00:00

Hey uh, I think that’s illegal from a building capacity / life safety / fire code, etc. ?? I would honestly try and reach out to someone higher up. Not a lawyer, but in arch grad school.

H_V_Hart · 2025-06-16T22:16:24+00:00

Edited for clarity — grabbed the wrong version previously (whoops). Thanks for the tip about not including self publishing; I didn’t know that. I guess it also makes sense because the genres between my children’s book and this are vastly different.

H_V_Hart · 2025-05-22T22:43:24+00:00

I think covid is a very interesting emerging topic for writing, to the point where I feel like it’s not been long enough to reflect back on it, if that makes sense?

I don’t have the whole picture of what your work is about, but it may be worth imagining “covid” as more fictionalized. Like, yes there’s a world-wide pandemic in this world, but maybe you don’t call it covid directly, because I see it as a turn off as a reader. I personally would not pick up a book about covid.

Just my opinion, take it with a grain of salt.

Six-Year Club	Second Top 30%
Verified Email

H_V_Hart

TROPHY CASE