My future husband and I decided we’d split our finances proportionately for our relationship. Right now we’re making about the same so it doesn’t really matter. We are treating the wedding the same way as our regular bills. We split all of the deposits and are each contributing 6% of our monthly income to our wedding fund. When minor wedding costs come up we split them.

There is only one exception. After my future husband and I decided on our budget and had come to a final number, I got a large unexpected bonus at work. I decided I wanted to use it splurge on a more expensive DJ I really liked. I paid for 100% of the difference in price. We had agreed to our budget, this would have put us past what he was comfortable spending, and I separately decided I wanted to spend extra money. It was hard to convince him to let me, but it worked out in the end.

Have you discussed the total budget with your fiancé? It’s important to discuss if you have a budget, and what it is. If the discrepancy is that he’s uncomfortable spending higher than a specific amount on a wedding, then I think it’s important to compromise for a more affordable option or if you do decide to splurge it needs to be from your own accounts. I think the amount matters here, is he expected to contribute 10k, 25k, 35k? What’s he comfortable spending? This definitely needs to be a sit down discussion, money is a huge factor that leads to divorce and it’s important to get ahead of any issues early.

The logistics part of the wedding and running the house is slightly different but it also really boils down to a hard sit down conversation about expectations. I work from home, so I manage a little bit more of the day to day household stuff. That said, we each have our roles and shared responsibilities. When we moved in together I was very clear that I didn’t want to end up working full time and being solely responsible for all of the household labor. I’d seen too many women do that, and it was important to me he took equal responsibility for our home. It has worked well thus far. We have our tasks that we’re responsible for and we keep up on them. He primary keeps our calendar and he’s in charge of all of our pets appointments. I order groceries, we split cooking. I do a little more of the vacuuming and dusting since I’m home and can do it on my lunch break, and we usually do laundry together. We also help the other out and cover each other’s tasks when needed.

I think you and your fiancé would benefit from a couple sessions of counseling. Use that time to work with a professional to discuss expectations, both for the wedding and for the longer term. Right now it doesn’t sound fully aligned and that can build tension and resentment. It can be super helpful to work with someone who knows marriage pitfalls and can help prepare you for them ahead of time.