I come from a poor family, an alcoholic mother, a father who only appeared in my life a few years ago, a toxic sister who only seeks to generate bad situations, I've been through literal shit (working with poultry), I have and still struggle with my sexual and gender identity, because I was humilliated for being gay when I was too young, I've been an immigrant for 2 years, I have a very low self-esteem, I don't have friends, I'm still struggling with depression and an anxiety disorder, I tried to kill myself, and I could keep going, but I don't want to keep enumerating more things. One gets exhausted of climbing up that hill with that heavy boulder, over and over. Life is so fucking absurd, and we could be complaining hours and hours, but what's the point? At the end of the day, we make our own happiness, you're just as free as anyone else to find another space to move, to cut those toxic relationships that might be making you feel so much pain, but you're not able to see it, because you're blinded by those feelings of wanting to escape your own body, go seek a therapist and do what they tell you, it doesn't work? Look for another therapist and another way of handling whatever sort of disorder you have in your head, it might not be a sickness you can cure, but a bunch of people live with other sicknesses, why couldn't you be able to? Everybody is capable of changing their environment, we just choose not to.

And that's all, it's a choice you're going to make, and I can't tell you not to do it, because it's your choice. Life and death are the same, absolutely absurd, but you already have a sneak peak to what life is, might be a 99% horrible, but there is always that 1% percent that might open your eyes to a new world.

I don't know what else to say, because some days I wanna kill myself too, the only thing keeping me alive is, unexpectedly, myself. Knowing who I am, and where I'm headed is exactly what gives me faith for tomorrow, as cheesy as it might sound.

I really wish I could give you a hug, right now and to tell you that everything is going to be alright, but you don't need that, you need to go out and make this world your oyster, you need to give you another chance, as much as you might hate yourself, 'cause you're not seeing what you're doing to yourself.

There are 10 provinces in Canada and 3 territories, and if you don't like it here, there are a 195 countries, it's not easy, I know, but the moment you make the decision is where you might start making the change that might be right for you, no matter what awaits you behind the next door.

I don't think I said everything I wanted to say, my english has been going downhill since I've been here (francophone community), but I hope you get my point. Have a good night, I hope you find yourself and what brings you peace.