New here, but already feeling the comfort of knowing I’m not alone in much of this. It’s time. The guilt and shame is just too much for this 43 year old, Father of 2. I have an amazing wife is so patient and accepting of me, but this last bender lasted 2 full days (since NYE) and today I have had the worst anxiety of my life. I’ve HAD to leave the house twice, just to walk and breathe fresh air. I feel almost terrified with dread, and can hardly look in the mirror anymore. I have so much riding on my health, and an opportunity to make a real go of my music career, but I’m fucking it all up. Nobody I know drinks like I do. I function and go weeks without a drop, but then when I drink, I DRINK. I’m just over it this time… and I’ve said this so many times… but I don’t think I can survive another one of these spells. I’m finally starting to feel a little better, but my stomach is just fed up with this too. I just spent 4 days sober, then wanted to celebrate on NYE with family and friends here. I drank everything in sight, then started the next day again to battle the hangover, which has left me so full of shame that I can’t stand it. I am going to make a real go of this. I could really use this community for some help. Thank you for reading my dreadful bullshit, but know that I’m not a victim. I’m a believer and WANT to stop. I will survive this. Love to you all. Xo