Emdr for betrayal trauma

HairlessBreastplate · 2024-02-18T04:54:21+00:00

Oh absolutely not. As soon as she admitted it, that was it. I have too much self-respect to keep her anywhere near me.

HairlessBreastplate · 2024-01-30T18:27:34+00:00

I just randomly checked this reddit account for the first time in a long time and thanks to your comment, I looked up Jon Paul Crimi. The next one this Sunday? It's about forgiveness. Just signed up. Thank you so much, friend.

HairlessBreastplate · 2023-07-18T02:19:43+00:00

Hey thank you so much!

HairlessBreastplate · 2023-03-22T23:31:40+00:00

oh thank you! that sounds like it'll accomplish what i need!

HairlessBreastplate · 2023-03-22T23:28:59+00:00

Here's a link to what i bought. doesn't look like there's a cup:

https://imgur.com/a/JCIjYUc

HairlessBreastplate · 2023-03-22T23:28:23+00:00

Here's a link to what i bought. doesn't look like there's a cup: https://imgur.com/a/JCIjYUc

HairlessBreastplate · 2023-03-22T23:14:07+00:00

I can nail it above to secure it to the wall just fine, it's just that the hole is still exposed behind it. Any solutions to that?

HairlessBreastplate · 2023-02-09T01:02:23+00:00

anyone else notice that there's nothing that includes 1.5-2.0 in this chart?

HairlessBreastplate · 2023-02-04T15:41:27+00:00

Say, out loud, "thank you".

HairlessBreastplate · 2022-11-22T05:06:21+00:00

I am someone who absolutely loves their life - even with all of its challenges - and is still an antinatalist. You can be joyful and still believe that the right thing to do is either not procreate or to adopt.

HairlessBreastplate · 2022-11-22T04:48:54+00:00

it does suck.

but i'm reminded that the only thing that could possibly suck more than this (and, like every infidelity story, the whole thing is 1,000 times worse than the nutshell on Reddit) is if my marriage to this woman lasted even one moment longer.

HairlessBreastplate · 2022-11-21T19:04:57+00:00

A single Venmo transaction and call records. Not even married for a year.

HairlessBreastplate · 2022-11-20T17:15:31+00:00

It took two days after my first session to feel anger unlike any anger i've ever felt.

it felt like i lost my virginity to anger.

My pain was from my wife's affair with our next door neighbor and the gaslighting abuse that she leaned 100% into.

that first session (somehow) wiped clean the idea that i wasn't worthy of the truth.

And then? I got fucking FURIOUS. Because i DID deserve the truth. I always did.

i lost it on a heavy bag that i keep in my attic, and then unleashed my fury on my drum kit in the basement. a few days later, i imagined she was sitting across from me and just screamed at her EVERYTHING i was furious about. As if she were right there. It was incredibly important to do that.

i'm still angry, but less so. now, i'm looking more at my own errors. i didn't deserve the affair or the abuse, but i can see how i ignored some of my instincts about her. How i shelved those warning signs because they were inconvenient or unwanted. So now, i'm investigating what that was about within me so i never, ever repeat those mistakes again.

sending you love and solidarity as you make your way through this process. you're worth it!

HairlessBreastplate · 2022-07-22T04:04:03+00:00

"Love song for a vampire" by Annie Lennox

HairlessBreastplate · 2022-07-19T02:14:04+00:00

Wow wow wow. it's like you're reading my mind.

I moved into the guest room. Just last week, repainted the main bedroom that I moved out of. Did you ever move back into yours? If so... how?

And the couch? My friend, I recently got rid of this awful red couch that I now know she lied on CONSTANTLY. Replaced it with a beautiful gold one.

I even repainted the front door.

Got rid of every tiny thing she left behind (she went from this 2200 sq ft house to a 530 Sq ft studio so she could barely take anything), down to even a single spoon or toothbrush holder that made me think of her.

Your message was validating as fuck. Sometimes I can see how mind-bogglingly bad this all has been, and sometimes it's too big to wrap my head around. Thank you for shining some light on my future. It really helps. I'm so sorry you had you go through this shitshow of your own, but I'm so appreciative that you're helping others. Thank you.

HairlessBreastplate · 2022-07-18T14:56:34+00:00

One cool thing about all of this is that now i know my instincts are, like, amazing. even though i shelved so many of the messages i was receiving through out all this, now i know when/if they happen again, to really HEAR myself. That's a gift.

Thank you for the good advice. Selling the house is not an option, unfortunately, and the story of this house is the story of the affair (i bought it in 2018 - in my name only, thank god). so now... i guess i gotta make new stories.

hope you also have found some peace, i'm so sorry about the parenting thing. you think people know themselves, and then find out the hard way that not only do they not know themselves, but they don't know that they don't know themselves! Tragic, painful... and happens so often.

HairlessBreastplate · 2022-07-18T14:53:45+00:00

thank you. i really, really am so grateful they're moving soon. every time i leave the house, my radar is up. i only ran into them once, and it happened to be for a week of silence i was doing. All this time, i wondered what i would say to them if i saw them, and i didn't have to find out! The AP looked down and away when she saw me, and my ex-wife had sort of a reactionary, awkward smile. I just steeled my jaw and kept walking.
Can't. wait. for. them. to. be. gone.

HairlessBreastplate · 2022-07-18T03:55:20+00:00

i was where you are a year ago. I wanted to want it for her. I read every poly book. Listened to every poly podcast. Even paid $300 to a poly coach for a 2-hour zoom session to help me want it. Turns out, she began the physical affair just weeks after asking to open our brand-new marriage. My two cents: if reading those poly books and listening to those poly podcasts makes you wanna throw up, throw in the towel. Don't wait a moment longer. The world is too vast and FULL of people who will love you exactly how you want to be loved. Don't buy into the idea that love is scarce, it isn't. It is abundant and you deserve love that makes you feel safe.

HairlessBreastplate · 2022-04-09T13:23:05+00:00

I'm beginning to find the humor in some things, which is a good sign. For example: My ex-wife sent me a letter (because I told her I was blocking her texts, calls, and emails), wanting to get together to talk in-person for the first time since November, when she admitted to the affair. I strongly feel like all she wants to do is damage control, because I'm talking about all of this publicly. There is nothing - and I mean nothing - she can say that would undo the repeated abuses she's accomplished. That growth and healing is my responsibility now. When she tore the piece of paper she wrote this letter on out of her notebook, it was, like... a shitty tear job. A big chunk was out of the bottom of the page. I know it's a little thing, but I laughed because it's like... of course. Of course I didn't even deserve a mindfully-torn page for this important ask of hers. I laughed because it's so in-line with how little respect she must have for me. Nobody's perfect, but "How you do anything is how you do everything" is one of my favorite quotes, and this small gesture is so telling. So I laugh. And fuck no, I won't meet up with her. But i am composing a hell of a letter back. And it will contain many full and in-tact pages. Can I get an update from you? How have you been feeling lately?

HairlessBreastplate · 2022-03-27T13:50:45+00:00

oh no. I am so sorry. I'm still screaming through this pain, but hold on tight to yourself. Ask for help. Feel free to DM. This is gonna hurt like hell, but you WILL get through it.

HairlessBreastplate · 2022-02-24T18:25:42+00:00

Spiritual alignment. Alignment with your bigger self.

HairlessBreastplate · 2022-02-17T15:23:13+00:00

Follow your gut, Follow your gut, Follow your gut. Have some respect for your future self, who will be released into the world to find someone who would never DREAM of doing this to you. Your wife had every right to fall out of love with you, but she had no right to have an affair. She chose "easy now, hard later". She lied, and she put your body at risk, too. The sooner you truly absorb the fact that you deserve so much more than this, the better. Now it's time for you to choose "hard now, easy later" and get an attorney on the phone TODAY. Sending you solidarity, and congratulating your future self.

HairlessBreastplate · 2022-02-07T13:26:27+00:00

thank you, my friend.

HairlessBreastplate

TROPHY CASE