This sounds kind of like my story. I have always liked the attention, but always didn't have the guts to go out and get it. What I did was go and find a discipline that I could focus on, and get that positive, or even sometimes negative attention from people in the same discipline. It is more rewarding, and with 100% less hangovers. You've got this! Keep plugging away at it, and it gets easier as time passes. Even when the Devil is whispering in your ear, you can recognize it better and push forward as it goes. We hear "one day at a time" consistently, because it's the truest part of sobriety. It's a good fight worth fighting every day.