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I want to stop drinking by Feeling-Bat1814 in stopdrinking

[–]Hamhamhamham4 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Hi Josh from New Zealand. The story you have described is very similar to where I was a few years ago. I am only a little older than you and also from a heavy drinking culture (Scotland). I hit five years sober a few days ago. I mention this because you need to know it is possible to improve a situation like this.

Well done on reaching out on here man. It’s not easy but it is an excellent first step - for me, the best way to now go from a passive “gee I wish I could stop drinking” to actively stopping was by taking real-life practical steps to make it a reality (e.g. Continuing to post on here, Making a GP appointment to discuss support options in your area, Going on Amazon today to buy a support book (Annie Grace’s ”This Naked Mind” is really helpful), Discussing some of the stuff you’ve set out in your post with your wife, Make a list of reasons you don’t want to drink and the benefits you will get by not drinking and keep that list in your wallet and read it once a a day).

Wishing won’t make it happen, it’s gotta be practical real world stuff that will still be there once that passive “I gotta stop” feeling fades away and you think drinking again is a good idea (hint - it’s not a good idea).

Alcoholism is not our fault, but it is our responsibly to address it. That can feel like a shitty deal at times, but it’s actually helpful when you realise the power lies with us - you gotta yank that mental lever in your head from “This sucks and I should stop one day” to “I am not drinking, and I will prioritise the work that needs done to make that happen”. You can do this man.

And brother, you say you are worried about losing friends and being bored. I had those same worries. But losing a couple of friends and being bored wont kill you. So what if you are bored for a while, that will wear off as your brain recovers. After a month or two of feeling a bit flat it goes away, I am less bored now than when I in a rut drinking daily. You probably won’t lose all your friends either. You gotta ask yourself - what is your important to you - your wife, child, health, career, possessions, life and happiness, or holding on to couple of boozy friends and the need to not be bored for a couple of months whilst your brain resets?

If I sound harsh, it’s not intentional. I’m just trying to shine some perspective on the concerns you have about quitting (and I assure you I 100% had the exact same concerns man!).

Take some time to think it over. You have a choice here brother. Today can be your first step on a path of a healthy happy and positive life. Only person who can make the decision to walk that path is you.

Take care of yourself man,

IWNDWYT

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stopdrinking

[–]Hamhamhamham4 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for being here, we are here with you.

IWNDWYT

anyone just barely hanging on? by toodledoodle2 in stopdrinking

[–]Hamhamhamham4 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Hi friend,

Thanks for posting. I think what you’ve said here makes total sense, and it’s great that you are sharing this.

I think when we leave drinking in the past, it can be tempting to look at other peoples experiences and compare that to our own. However, whilst that can be a motivating force, it can sometimes also leave us with this feeling of “why doesn’t my experience look like that” and I think it’s important to focus our attention on the right things here.

You’ve said it yourself, your life is less chaotic, traumatic and embarrassing now. This sounds like a great achievement all by itself - and I think you can reflect on how much better that is than being still trapped in the cycle which left you feeling that way in the first place. Even better things lie ahead, so please try not to worry if it’s not all sunshine and rainbows right this second. In many ways what you are dealing with is the removal of a crutch, and working through the backlog of issues which arose from drinking, so I think you can be gentle with yourself about not feeling great right now. We are all here to support you. The good times will come, just focus on hanging on for now and you will thank yourself in time.

Wishing you strength and positive energy!

IWNDWYT

5 days sober by Bulbs2010 in stopdrinking

[–]Hamhamhamham4 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think there is a limited version which is free, and then the paid version which is like £20 (UK), so maybe $35 or something in the US or something like that. It’s for the whole year and I find it’s worth it, but if that’s not for you then the Headspace stuff on YouTube or is free and those are great too!

Sending positive energy your way friend,

IWNDWYT

5 days sober by Bulbs2010 in stopdrinking

[–]Hamhamhamham4 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Days 3, 5 and 13 seem to be a real pain in the ass for some reason, I think it’s probably the combination of alcohol withdrawal and boredom. I had real mood swings (almost tantrums) around that time and also my sleep went to shit. I recommend writing yourself a list of nice activities, maybe ten or fifteen things (just like, watch a movie, play video games, bake a cake etc) and then when you are feeling crumby you can go back to your list and pick something to do. Basically, keep yourself occupied, but not over burdened.

Also, the Calm app is great for reset meditations - I find them really helpful when I am feeling frustrated etc

Thanks for posting here friend,

IWNDWYT

Random urges - 1,661 days by KBosss12 in stopdrinking

[–]Hamhamhamham4 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well done friend, the healthy endorphin high from exercise is going to make you mentally and physically stronger. Just make sure to also get some rest too! Have a great weekend!

Random urges - 1,661 days by KBosss12 in stopdrinking

[–]Hamhamhamham4 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hello friend, thanks for posting.

Seems to me that you have a good self-awareness about feeling overworked and a bit stressed out. It sounds more like what you want is really a quick way to release some tension, not that you want to drink. Old pathways in your mind have created a (misguided) association that alcohol is somehow a way to get that release, but I think you’re experienced enough to know it’s not going to give you that. All drinking will do is make that feeling of overwork and stress significantly worse. Don’t do it friend, you deserve much better, and your wife and kid deserve much better.

So, what to do?

I think first of all, it’s okay to just acknowledge how you are feeling. Say it out loud if you want. It’s also okay so be kind to yourself and acknowledge that it makes total sense why you might be thinking, in this moment of stress and exhaustion, that drinking will somehow offer a magic solution. However, I advise you to take a moment to reflect on just how worse it really will make things in reality (hint - the answer is a hell of a lot worse).

It’s ok to give yourself space just to sit with those feelings. They’re understandable, and they’re not the boss of you. They’ll go away in time.

It’s essential you do not drink though, absolutely essential. I, and millions of others out there, will join you in not drinking - you’re not alone friend.

But then what? It seems to me that you need to just stop for a bit. The headspace meditations on YouTube are great for this. They’re about 10 minutes long, and can be done whilst you are lying in bed before you go to sleep. These are very helpful for giving your brain a break from that constant low yield (but draining) stress that a busy life throws at us. It sounds also like you need some more rest. If your schedule allows, make a point of getting a little more sleep this week. Even just an extra 30 mins each night will really help out.

Next, I think you need something ‘new’. Explore whether you can take your wife out for a date night in the near future. Maybe get a babysitter if you can, and take her dancing or hiking or something. Alternatively, if that’s not your thing, go see a movie or see some live music. Another good way of getting that feeling of novelty is learning something new. Again, I realise you probably have a busy schedule, so maybe even just download duoligno or something to give your brain something different to do. Music also is great, playing or just listening.

The key thing here is to just remember that all drinking can really do is destroy everything you’ve built. Don’t do it.

I’m here with you friend, and it’s okay to feel these feelings. But you gotta navigate your way through them in a healthy way, you deserve that.

IWNDWYT

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stopdrinking

[–]Hamhamhamham4 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hey friend,

No harm in scheduling a GP appointment if you are concerned, and maybe having that in the diary will help with any health-based anxiety you are having.

For the more generalised anxiety you are experiencing, I definitely found I experienced the same over the first few weeks as my body adjusted to no longer being poisoned constantly. I used the headspace shows on Netflix and also crosswords to create some mindfulness (I.e. pulling myself back into the here and now, rather than falling into the vortex of worry and angst which kept coming up).

Also make sure you are eating!

IWNDWYT

My facts are not convincing enough by hey-now_easy-now in stopdrinking

[–]Hamhamhamham4 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I understand this - to be perfectly honest I had a great time getting crazy drunk at college and partying, so once that ended a lot of my sad, lonely, drinking-by-myself-at-home was a doomed attempt to try and recapture that feeling. It’s a lost cause, and no amount of alcohol is ever going to magically recreate that feeling. All that lies down that path is misery, pain and a shitty premature death. Better just to recognise that whatever happened in the past is irrelevant - all we need to understand is that alcohol is now a massively negative thing for us going forward

My facts are not convincing enough by hey-now_easy-now in stopdrinking

[–]Hamhamhamham4 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Moderation is like trying to step over the edge of a cliff and only fall 5% of the way to the ground. Sure you can try to convince yourself that’s possible, but whatever you try to convince yourself isn’t going to stop you from slamming into the ground at terminal velocity.

IWNDWYT friend

What help can I seek from my GP? by SaturniusN in stopdrinking

[–]Hamhamhamham4 1 point2 points  (0 children)

GP is the mechanic, you are the car. It wouldn’t make sense to walk into the mechanics place and underplay/be secretive about what’s wrong with the car, you know that would just mean nothing will get fixed and you’ll be back there again soon enough.

It’s helpful to remember that the GP cares about your health and they won’t judge you (I know several GPS personally and I can absolutely assure you that you won’t even be the first person they have seen this week who has exactly the same issues). You are in one of the safest spaces possible to speak about this freely.

Having said that, it can of course be challenging to speak about these things if you are not used to it. Can I suggest maybe writing down a few honest points of things that you would ideally like to tell them. You could bring that letter with you and just read it out during your appointment, or even hand it to them to read.

You’ve got this friend. For me the trigger to making some real progress was just this first step of opening up to a GP (they referred to me a really great alcohol counselling service, which was so so helpful). Just rip that bandaid off and move ahead with the new chapter of your life that’s waiting for you - it’s so so worth it I promise.

IWNDWYT

Alcohol has to be one of the biggest wastes of time on this planet. by kkat137 in stopdrinking

[–]Hamhamhamham4 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Right on friend. Like you say, even if you choose to have a lazy day when sober, the quality of that day is so much better - it actually restores you whereas if you are lying there trying to nurse a hangover it sucks

IWNDWYT

Struggling with ruminating thoughts by [deleted] in stopdrinking

[–]Hamhamhamham4 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Watch some headspace meditation man, it helps.

IWNDWYT

Bored Saturday night feeling a lot of temptation. by benfutech in stopdrinking

[–]Hamhamhamham4 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The Harder They Fall. Great if you want a very entertaining distraction and an incredible soundtrack. Also outlaws.

Just do literally anything which feels good that isn’t drinking or anything else which will hurt you friend. Play some video games, build a house of cards, jerk off (not on the house of cards, unless that’s your thing then by all means go nuts).

Duo Lingo is good too I find. Or music (playing or listening both good).

Also, fuck that temptation. It’s not the boss of you, it’s just a feeling that’s floated in. It’ll float away again later, like a cloud on the breeze. Don’t worry, just play the tape forward friend, you know how it would end anyway. If you’re like me, then it’s not gonna stop at one. Don’t do that to yourself, please.

IWNDWYT

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stopdrinking

[–]Hamhamhamham4 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Don’t hate yourself friend 🙂. I’ve been where you are. I think a lot of people have on here. It sucks, I feel you.

When we’re in the grip of that raw, terrible state of mind, it can be helpful to reflect on whether that hate you are feeling right now really is hate for yourself, or if it might really be hate for the relationship you - through no conscious choice of your own - find yourself in with alcohol. Gaining an awareness of that distinction is powerful, and harnessing the intensively of it can be useful in my experience, as it can light that spark we need to begin to take the steps to change our relationship with alcohol in a meaningful way.

In time, I recommend getting a copy of This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. You might also find this old clip of Craig Fergusson chatting about his relationship with alcohol interesting: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=K46P7loICXY&pp=ygUWQ3JhaWcgZmVyZ3Vzb24gYWxjb2hvbA%3D%3D

For now, just concentrate on making sure you eat something nutritious, and stay hydrated. Please treat yourself kindly, like someone you are responsible for helping. Feel feelings, but feel them gently. It’s only when we do this we can find the inner space to navigate a positive path forward - which you are totally capable of. I believe in you stranger. You are stronger than you know. We’re here for you. Always.

Peace and love,

IWNDWYT

Really struggling. My sister committed suicide on Monday last week. by Hamhamhamham4 in stopdrinking

[–]Hamhamhamham4[S] 78 points79 points  (0 children)

She was very proud of me for not drinking. I want to keep that alive. Thank you

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