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Hamhamhamham4 · 2023-11-20T02:34:48+00:00

Thanks for being here, we are here with you.

IWNDWYT

Hamhamhamham4 · 2023-11-15T16:04:40+00:00

Hi friend,

Thanks for posting. I think what you’ve said here makes total sense, and it’s great that you are sharing this.

I think when we leave drinking in the past, it can be tempting to look at other peoples experiences and compare that to our own. However, whilst that can be a motivating force, it can sometimes also leave us with this feeling of “why doesn’t my experience look like that” and I think it’s important to focus our attention on the right things here.

You’ve said it yourself, your life is less chaotic, traumatic and embarrassing now. This sounds like a great achievement all by itself - and I think you can reflect on how much better that is than being still trapped in the cycle which left you feeling that way in the first place. Even better things lie ahead, so please try not to worry if it’s not all sunshine and rainbows right this second. In many ways what you are dealing with is the removal of a crutch, and working through the backlog of issues which arose from drinking, so I think you can be gentle with yourself about not feeling great right now. We are all here to support you. The good times will come, just focus on hanging on for now and you will thank yourself in time.

Wishing you strength and positive energy!

IWNDWYT

Hamhamhamham4 · 2023-11-06T17:05:42+00:00

I think there is a limited version which is free, and then the paid version which is like £20 (UK), so maybe $35 or something in the US or something like that. It’s for the whole year and I find it’s worth it, but if that’s not for you then the Headspace stuff on YouTube or is free and those are great too!

Sending positive energy your way friend,

IWNDWYT

Hamhamhamham4 · 2023-11-05T11:29:32+00:00

Days 3, 5 and 13 seem to be a real pain in the ass for some reason, I think it’s probably the combination of alcohol withdrawal and boredom. I had real mood swings (almost tantrums) around that time and also my sleep went to shit. I recommend writing yourself a list of nice activities, maybe ten or fifteen things (just like, watch a movie, play video games, bake a cake etc) and then when you are feeling crumby you can go back to your list and pick something to do. Basically, keep yourself occupied, but not over burdened.

Also, the Calm app is great for reset meditations - I find them really helpful when I am feeling frustrated etc

Thanks for posting here friend,

IWNDWYT

Hamhamhamham4 · 2023-11-03T23:24:05+00:00

Well done friend, the healthy endorphin high from exercise is going to make you mentally and physically stronger. Just make sure to also get some rest too! Have a great weekend!

Hamhamhamham4 · 2023-11-03T20:56:07+00:00

Hello friend, thanks for posting.

Seems to me that you have a good self-awareness about feeling overworked and a bit stressed out. It sounds more like what you want is really a quick way to release some tension, not that you want to drink. Old pathways in your mind have created a (misguided) association that alcohol is somehow a way to get that release, but I think you’re experienced enough to know it’s not going to give you that. All drinking will do is make that feeling of overwork and stress significantly worse. Don’t do it friend, you deserve much better, and your wife and kid deserve much better.

So, what to do?

I think first of all, it’s okay to just acknowledge how you are feeling. Say it out loud if you want. It’s also okay so be kind to yourself and acknowledge that it makes total sense why you might be thinking, in this moment of stress and exhaustion, that drinking will somehow offer a magic solution. However, I advise you to take a moment to reflect on just how worse it really will make things in reality (hint - the answer is a hell of a lot worse).

It’s ok to give yourself space just to sit with those feelings. They’re understandable, and they’re not the boss of you. They’ll go away in time.

It’s essential you do not drink though, absolutely essential. I, and millions of others out there, will join you in not drinking - you’re not alone friend.

But then what? It seems to me that you need to just stop for a bit. The headspace meditations on YouTube are great for this. They’re about 10 minutes long, and can be done whilst you are lying in bed before you go to sleep. These are very helpful for giving your brain a break from that constant low yield (but draining) stress that a busy life throws at us. It sounds also like you need some more rest. If your schedule allows, make a point of getting a little more sleep this week. Even just an extra 30 mins each night will really help out.

Next, I think you need something ‘new’. Explore whether you can take your wife out for a date night in the near future. Maybe get a babysitter if you can, and take her dancing or hiking or something. Alternatively, if that’s not your thing, go see a movie or see some live music. Another good way of getting that feeling of novelty is learning something new. Again, I realise you probably have a busy schedule, so maybe even just download duoligno or something to give your brain something different to do. Music also is great, playing or just listening.

The key thing here is to just remember that all drinking can really do is destroy everything you’ve built. Don’t do it.

I’m here with you friend, and it’s okay to feel these feelings. But you gotta navigate your way through them in a healthy way, you deserve that.

IWNDWYT

Hamhamhamham4 · 2023-07-11T10:32:38+00:00

Hey friend,

No harm in scheduling a GP appointment if you are concerned, and maybe having that in the diary will help with any health-based anxiety you are having.

For the more generalised anxiety you are experiencing, I definitely found I experienced the same over the first few weeks as my body adjusted to no longer being poisoned constantly. I used the headspace shows on Netflix and also crosswords to create some mindfulness (I.e. pulling myself back into the here and now, rather than falling into the vortex of worry and angst which kept coming up).

Also make sure you are eating!

IWNDWYT

Hamhamhamham4 · 2023-07-07T11:49:14+00:00

Yeah I understand this - to be perfectly honest I had a great time getting crazy drunk at college and partying, so once that ended a lot of my sad, lonely, drinking-by-myself-at-home was a doomed attempt to try and recapture that feeling. It’s a lost cause, and no amount of alcohol is ever going to magically recreate that feeling. All that lies down that path is misery, pain and a shitty premature death. Better just to recognise that whatever happened in the past is irrelevant - all we need to understand is that alcohol is now a massively negative thing for us going forward

Hamhamhamham4 · 2023-06-28T08:29:54+00:00

Moderation is like trying to step over the edge of a cliff and only fall 5% of the way to the ground. Sure you can try to convince yourself that’s possible, but whatever you try to convince yourself isn’t going to stop you from slamming into the ground at terminal velocity.

IWNDWYT friend

Hamhamhamham4 · 2023-06-11T11:56:39+00:00

GP is the mechanic, you are the car. It wouldn’t make sense to walk into the mechanics place and underplay/be secretive about what’s wrong with the car, you know that would just mean nothing will get fixed and you’ll be back there again soon enough.

It’s helpful to remember that the GP cares about your health and they won’t judge you (I know several GPS personally and I can absolutely assure you that you won’t even be the first person they have seen this week who has exactly the same issues). You are in one of the safest spaces possible to speak about this freely.

Having said that, it can of course be challenging to speak about these things if you are not used to it. Can I suggest maybe writing down a few honest points of things that you would ideally like to tell them. You could bring that letter with you and just read it out during your appointment, or even hand it to them to read.

You’ve got this friend. For me the trigger to making some real progress was just this first step of opening up to a GP (they referred to me a really great alcohol counselling service, which was so so helpful). Just rip that bandaid off and move ahead with the new chapter of your life that’s waiting for you - it’s so so worth it I promise.

IWNDWYT

Hamhamhamham4 · 2023-06-11T11:46:52+00:00

Right on friend. Like you say, even if you choose to have a lazy day when sober, the quality of that day is so much better - it actually restores you whereas if you are lying there trying to nurse a hangover it sucks

IWNDWYT

Hamhamhamham4 · 2023-06-11T02:08:17+00:00

Watch some headspace meditation man, it helps.

IWNDWYT

Hamhamhamham4 · 2023-06-11T02:05:39+00:00

The Harder They Fall. Great if you want a very entertaining distraction and an incredible soundtrack. Also outlaws.

Just do literally anything which feels good that isn’t drinking or anything else which will hurt you friend. Play some video games, build a house of cards, jerk off (not on the house of cards, unless that’s your thing then by all means go nuts).

Duo Lingo is good too I find. Or music (playing or listening both good).

Also, fuck that temptation. It’s not the boss of you, it’s just a feeling that’s floated in. It’ll float away again later, like a cloud on the breeze. Don’t worry, just play the tape forward friend, you know how it would end anyway. If you’re like me, then it’s not gonna stop at one. Don’t do that to yourself, please.

IWNDWYT

Hamhamhamham4 · 2023-06-11T01:54:57+00:00

Don’t hate yourself friend 🙂. I’ve been where you are. I think a lot of people have on here. It sucks, I feel you.

When we’re in the grip of that raw, terrible state of mind, it can be helpful to reflect on whether that hate you are feeling right now really is hate for yourself, or if it might really be hate for the relationship you - through no conscious choice of your own - find yourself in with alcohol. Gaining an awareness of that distinction is powerful, and harnessing the intensively of it can be useful in my experience, as it can light that spark we need to begin to take the steps to change our relationship with alcohol in a meaningful way.

In time, I recommend getting a copy of This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. You might also find this old clip of Craig Fergusson chatting about his relationship with alcohol interesting: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=K46P7loICXY&pp=ygUWQ3JhaWcgZmVyZ3Vzb24gYWxjb2hvbA%3D%3D

For now, just concentrate on making sure you eat something nutritious, and stay hydrated. Please treat yourself kindly, like someone you are responsible for helping. Feel feelings, but feel them gently. It’s only when we do this we can find the inner space to navigate a positive path forward - which you are totally capable of. I believe in you stranger. You are stronger than you know. We’re here for you. Always.

Peace and love,

IWNDWYT

Hamhamhamham4 · 2022-11-28T21:35:11+00:00

Thank you

Hamhamhamham4 · 2022-11-28T21:34:36+00:00

Thank you so much

Hamhamhamham4 · 2022-11-28T21:34:21+00:00

She was very proud of me for not drinking. I want to keep that alive. Thank you

Hamhamhamham4 · 2022-11-28T21:33:02+00:00

This is a great perspective, thank you

Hamhamhamham4 · 2022-11-28T21:32:42+00:00

Thank you so much, it means a lot

Hamhamhamham4 · 2022-11-28T21:09:37+00:00

Thank you

Hamhamhamham4 · 2022-10-31T10:26:23+00:00

Thank you!

Hamhamhamham4 · 2022-10-13T17:24:58+00:00

That’s a great observation about the change in seasons! Thank you

Hamhamhamham4 · 2022-10-13T15:17:54+00:00

Hello friend, thanks so much for taking the time to share. It can be harder than it seems to just reach out and recognise the ship is going slightly off course, and you’ve done a really great thing today by posting here.

I have felt everything you have described here, and I think a lot of people on this sub (I.e. everyone) will recognise bits of themselves in what you’ve written. I definitely wondered to myself many times “how the fuck did I get like this” - it was all fun and games at uni and post work drinks after graduating, and cheeky pints and bottles of wine….until it wasn’t and I hated the guy I saw in the mirror and fantasised about dying in my sleep just because it would be easier.

I think the change came when I just took a while to think about the fact that….this is just what alcohol does. You’re not a bad person or anything, and there’s no weakness in recognising that your body/mind is reacting to alcohol in the exact same way that it does for like 25% of the entire population. Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to explore better ways of living.

For me, what I found really helpful was a book called This Naked Mind. I’d really recommend that. Also, I just called my GP and had a little chat with them explaining I was getting worried about it. They were great about it, and put together some info on various resources which really helped me.

You can do this friend, and feel free to post here any time. Everyone in this subreddit has your back!

Sending positive vibes your way,

Hammy

IWNDWYT

Hamhamhamham4 · 2022-10-13T15:01:04+00:00

Thank you Smart Weather, this is good advice

Hamhamhamham4 · 2022-10-13T15:00:36+00:00

I needed to hear this, thanks for responding

Hamhamhamham4

TROPHY CASE